Mommy + Wife = Awesome

We've Moved

2012-01-08T21:49:00.005-10:00

I decided that I wanted to take things over to Wordpress. I know a lot of people have really liked it...so we're going to give it a shot. I'll still have my blogspot blog up and running, and may migrate back, but for now, I'm up and running over at Wordpress.

We've Moved

click the linky link! Hope to see you all over there!!

Court Is Done....

2011-12-29T09:32:00.003-10:00

We had our last court date today.

I haven't really been talking about it. I was angry after our last court date and it wouldn't really be nice of me to just sit there and shit talk all over the place. And trust me, I was pissed enough to just talk about any and everything, including name calling, which...quite frankly would have been completely unnecessary on my part and I don't need to resort to that. (If you can't say somethin' nice....) (Also, my poor husband got to hear the majority of my complaining...)

But I cooled down and today, when we went to court, we thought it was going to be difficult.

Right before our last court date, Reilly's natural father wrote a letter to the courts contesting the adoption, stating that he wanted to be more involved in her life, not less, and that while Brad was a good father, he was "just her step-father". He stated that he has tried to contact her and always willing to pay child support, etc...etc...etc....

Well, nothing happened. There was not a phone call or anything to be had. Personally, I find it incredibly hard to believe that someone wants a relationship with their child when they don't even try. Even if he didn't want to deal with ME, that is for sure not a reason not to try to have a relationship with your child. I will be her mother, that has to be "dealt with", for the next 13 years regardless. But I digress.

I know that Brett and I do have some mutual friends and that's okay. I know most of, if not all of, our mutual friends have known him longer. And that's okay too. And some people may not agree with my decision to go forward with the adoption, however, that is not anyone's choice but mine and my husbands...and it's mostly mine at that. As her mother, I feel like this was the best possible choice for my daughter and honestly, I would be surprised if anyone in my position made a different choice. I could go on and on about why we made this choice...but ultimately, what it comes down to is that I gave ample opportunity and never discouraged a relationship. And in all honesty, had there been more of an effort, this wouldn't have been the road we went down. I am the first person to think that a father should have a relationship with their child and Brad agrees with me. However, at the end of the day, no contact for an entire year other than a birthday card is not considered a relationship. At all.

This road was costly and time consuming, and I would have much rather spent those thousands of dollars somewhere else. But my daughter having the best father she could have was more important.

So court today went surprisingly well, and for what it's worth, I give Brett kudos for stepping up and consenting to the adoption. I can't imagine making that decision...though, I haven't ever put myself into a position where that would even come close to being a decision I would have to make. But anyway. The adoption will be finalized and will be back dated to 11 August 2011. Reilly is officially an Oberklaus now. I imagine sometime down the road, she'll have questions...and we will do our best to answer them. I'm not a fan of shit talking (or at least, not generally and most definitely not in this situation), but I am going to be honest with my daughter. And if later on down the road, she wants a relationship with him, then we will support her. But at the moment, she has all she needs...a mother and father who care about her, support her and would do anything for her.

Now we just wait for the paperwork and everything to get done and that's it. We are so happy. Obviously, Reilly would be loved by Brad regardless of a piece of paper. He's been acting like her biological father for over four years now, and if the judges decision had swayed the other way, we would have gotten over the loss and continued being the same family that we are. This just makes it all legal.

I know that this is a hard thing for some people. I know people are going through this, that or the other thing when it comes to their own children. And I think jumping the gun on taking parental rights away is unnecessary. But this has been four years in the making. And what is best for Reilly.

I know some people can't even imagine needing to take this step. But most parents would try harder. This isn't to say that he never did or doesn't love Reilly...because that's not my call to make nor do I believe that. However, what is blatantly apparent to me is the obvious lack of relationship. And that is not okay. Reilly hasn't even mentioned him since her birthday (in March) when she got a birthday card from him. When you have access to the tools to have a relationship with someone, especially your child, but make a decision not to, I can't feel sorry for you. I am not even talking about monetary support. I'm not a cold hearted bitch. I'm not a gold digger. I'm realistic. Brad and I have always been able to take care of our kids, put a roof over their heads, keep the lights on and food in our fridge and in their bellies. We've never needed the support. Reilly didn't need that support. She surely would have benefited from having an actual relationship though.

So there's that! We'll be going out to dinner tonight to celebrate and this is just one less thing we need to worry about now. Until we get all the paperwork for the adoption back and have to deal with health and social services for the birth certificate and then the social security office, the military and then her school. But other than that, we are done and have nothing else to do other than continue being the family that we always have been.

In all honesty, I hope that he understands that he did make the best choice for Reilly. And as I said earlier, if she wants to have a relationship with him later on down the road when she is older, she is more than welcome to...Brad and I won't be offended and we will fully support her decision to have that relationship. But it needs to be known that it is HER choice, not anyone elses. We will not pressure her to have a relationship that she does not want and we will not allow anyone else to try to pressure her into a relationship. I also hope that he takes this time to consider the chain of events leading up to this and he can decide to have an amazing relationship with his other children. They are both amazing kids and they deserve it.

All in all, we are very happy. It feels kind of different...even though nothing has really changed. Reilly is still loved. Very much. She just has another name now. :)

Tis the season

2011-12-09T08:17:00.001-10:00

I haven't written for awhile, so this is gonna be quick...I actually have loads of things to do today (like run to the bank...which...blehhhh) and get some stuff done around the house.

As far as the pregnancy is going...well it's going. I'm miserable and tired. I'm not sure how women in their 30's and 40's have babies because...well this is tiring. Of course, I understand that I do have a 5 year old and a toddler who keep me busy all day long and that makes it a little more tiring, but still. But aside from just being exhausted, I'm doing really well. I went to a midwife appointment just a couple weeks ago and I was measuring two weeks ahead, which apparently is normal? Did not realize that! But good to know. So I was measuring a couple weeks ahead, but Bachman is doing wonderfully. He's moving around like crazy -- much more than I remember either of the girls doing. Though the last couple days he's calmed down a little bit...which I think is more about the room he has inside. He's definitely starting to run out. And with less than 10 weeks till my due date, that's expected.

I've started working on my birth plan, which will be short, sweet and to the point this time (about a page long, bulleted.). It's including the treatment of the placenta since we're planning on taking that home (which, I might write about later, if I have the time) to encapsulate it. So I want to get that all taken care of. We finally bought Bachman a car seat (Thanks mom and dad!) so we are technically ready for him whenever he wants to come, though I'm hoping he'll stay in until at least my due date, and if he wants to stay in there a little longer, he is more than welcome to. Also, in talking to my husband, I really notice how much he actually listens to me when I talk about birth and what I want for me and our babies...and how amazingly supportive he is when it comes to what I want.

I have my next doctors appointment coming up in about a week and a half for my 32 weeks. I just can't believe it's going SO FAST. The holidays make it go buy much faster.

Speaking of holidays, we had a wonderful Thanksgiving with our friends this year. Pretty small, but it was fun. We cooked a pretty traditional dinner...I made homemade pie for the first time ever, which was delicious if I say so myself. It was just nice and fun. I sure did miss my family and Thanksgiving always reminds me of my Grandma (who passed away in October) and Grandpa (who passed away in 2004) so it was a little difficult this year. But we had a great time anyway.

Up next is Christmas and I have almost all of my Christmas shopping done! YAY! I just have a few more things I want to get the girls and I actually have a family of kids that I'm going to be shopping for. A blog that I read made a post right here called Operation WANA (We Are Not Assholes) in regards to another post that she made a couple days ago. Anyway, long story short, every one of the comments on the blog is asking for or offering to help someone this holiday season...so after reading and reading and doing a lot of thinking, I'm planning on getting some things together for a family for Christmas. They have 4 kids, including a 6 month old daughter with some birth defects. So I'll be shopping around for some things for the family. It won't be much...I wish I could do more for a family in need...but we'll do what we can. We have been very lucky that even though we aren't perfect financially, we are still able to afford a place to live and cars with gas and put food in our tummies...our kids never feel like they don't have anything and we aren't behind in our bills....so wihle we may not have thousands of dollars saved up in our bank account and yea, we sometimes live from paycheck to paycheck, we are definitely not hurting like a lot of other people are. Reading some of the stories just made my heart hurt...to know that so many people are just waiting for the banks to come take their houses and that no matter how much they've tried, they still cannot find work...it's just heartbreaking. Especially when kids are involved. I can't imagine not being able to give my kids just the basics. So it's what I can do to help out a family and help them have a better Christmas. I've emailed the mom a little bit and she just seems so sweet and I feel for her. I really do. Not to mention, this is something I really enjoy doing. And we probably won't be able to do it every year, and it may not be that much money, but at least it's something. And this is probably the most stressful time of year for most families so it makes me feel awesome. :)

So that's that. I'll be posting again soon...I've just been so busy...and it'll be even busier in the next couple weeks. Brad starts a new job soon, we have Christmas, and doctors appointments and Reilly's school break. We have court just a few days after Christmas too, which we are gearing up for. I just sent a whole bunch of stuff off to my lawyer and have actually more to print and send off. Just getting ready for that. I'm excited for everything we have going on in the next couple weeks.

But for now, I must sign off...it is nap time at my house and the we have errands to run.

More later. I promise.

All Kids Are Liars

2011-11-17T07:35:00.001-10:00

Today, I stumbled upon this blog, Adventures in Mommyhood and her blog post entitled My Little Terrorist.

This post (the story, not the updates) made me angry. I was angry for this mom and her boy. I was angry at the school. What irritated me the most about the entire situation was that we recently had to go through an incident where Reilly's teacher basically called her a liar...

Here's the run down of what happened.

Back in October, a note was sent home from school saying that they were going to have a field trip to the zoo the first Friday in November. Awesome! Reilly loves going on field trips, and the zoo is super awesome. They were asking for chaperones. Now, I couldn't go because I have Ophelia during the day, and siblings aren't allowed on field trips...but Brad was going to be on leave after his surgery, and had said something about wanting to go. So I ticked the little box saying "Yes! If you need the help, I am available" and waited to hear back from the school.

A week or so later, Reilly comes home with a bright orange piece of paper saying "We've selected you to be a chaperone, please send us your $$."

Yay! Reilly was really excited that Brad would get to go on the field trip with her. She loves that he can do stuff like that with her. It's good bonding time for both of them since he works all day and she's at school all day. But he had the day off already and was excited to get to go!

Fast forward to THE DAY BEFORE the field trip. Reilly comes home from school a little distraught. Of course, I ask her whats wrong and she gives me the run around. So we just start talking about her day and I ask her if she's excited for daddy to go with her on her field trip the next day.

"Mrs. T says that daddy isn't coming with me on the field trip."

What....what?! I heard that right didn't I? I mean, we turned in the paper, we got that bright orange paper back, I sent money to school to cover Brad...sooooo what's the deal?

"Reilly, Mrs. T sent us home a paper that said daddy was going on the field trip with you tomorrow...what do you mean she said he isn't coming?"

"I was saying how I was happy that my daddy was coming with me to the field trip tomorrow and Mrs. T said that my daddy wasn't coming....I kept telling her he was, but she just kept saying no!!"

I was seriously taken aback. She just kept repeating over, and over "Mrs. T said I'm not right." and "Mrs. T says my daddy isn't coming."

We had the damn paper posted on our fridge saying that "Yes, a parent of Reilly was going to chaperone."

I told her not to worry about it, that her daddy WAS INDEED going on the field trip with her and that daddy and I would deal with it.

We waited for Brad to come home (I'm not sure where he was at the time, but he wasn't at home) and we talked. He had tried to call the school but Mrs. T was gone for the day. We didn't know what was going on but we decided to just go about our business like he was going on the field trip, all the time reassuring Reilly, who was devastated, that we would deal with it in the morning and that daddy would go on the field trip with her.

So the next morning, we all piled in the van (I was just going to drop off Brad and Reilly and then pick them up after school) and drove to school. We got there early, so Brad and Reilly hoped on out of the car after a bit to go sit in front of the class and wait for Mrs. T, bright orange piece of paper in hand stating that yes, they did say he was going to chaperone.

I was sitting in the car with Ophelia when all this went down, but I could see them. I saw Mrs. T walk up and I saw Reilly say something to her. I saw Brad stand up and pull the piece of paper out of his pocket and Mrs. T take it, say something, and then walk away.

While the field trip ended up being canceled and rescheduled (which, I'll get back to that in a minute) here is what happened...

Mrs. T walked up and Reilly said "See Mrs. T! My daddy IS coming on the field trip."
And Mrs. T said "No Reilly, he's not." Right to her face, with her daddy sitting RIGHT NEXT TO HER, she called my kid out as a liar -- in my mind --. when she was CLEARLY right.

Right?!?!

That's when Brad stood up and pulled the piece of paper out of his pocket and had to point out that THEY SAID he was going. When Mrs. T saw that, she said that she was going to go see what happened, but made mention that the field trip might be canceled.

Turns out it was...there was a lot of rain downtown and it was really gross and not a good day to go on a field trip. But I just felt so horrible that my kid was basically called a liar. When the school approved it.

Sadly, they rescheduled the field trip and Brad won't be able to go now since the trip is on a training day. I'm not sure if Reilly was ever apologized too, but she dropped it, and so did we. But she's five...why would she have any reason to lie about something like that? And what good does it do to her self esteem to tell her that she's wrong? Is your pride as a kindergarten teacher THAT fragile that you HAVE TO be right?

Are all teachers like this? Aren't they supposed to be helping the kids to build their self esteem up and help teach them good values? Maybe instead of telling her "NO!" you can, oh, I don't know, DO SOME RESEARCH and figure out that YOU SAID that her daddy was going to be a chaperone.

I'm still irritateed about the whole thing. My daughter lies about brushing her teeth and putting her toys away...ya know...KID stuff. Why would she have ANY reason to lie about other stuff?

Luckily, she has parents who believe her and encourage her when she IS right. Of course, we talk to her about it when she's wrong too, but in this case, she had nothing to be worried about and was right.

*sigh*

What would you have done in the situation? I'm not sure if we should have demanded an apology or what we should have done...but now that it's done and over with, we just have to deal with Reilly being upset that Brad can't actually go on her field trip (it's a training day for him...and he's been on leave for a month...sad face.) and I can't go because I have Ophelia.

Maybe another day he can go...

And hopefully her teacher won't be a dip shit.

24 Weeks Already....sigh

2011-10-27T21:24:00.000-10:00

Today, I went to my 24 week appointment at the OB/GYN clinic. I'm technically seeing midwives...however, I believe that they are truly more "med-wives" than the traditional midwife. The woman I saw today has been doing midwifery since 1982...so longer than I've been alive. She's seen many a birth. She told me today that I am "her type" of patient...because I'm informed and want to take control of my birth.

I didn't like her one bit.

Since I actually gave birth to Ophelia pretty quickly (labored at home until I felt I needed to go to the hospital, got to the hospital at 5cm, but pretty much as soon as my water broke, she was outta there), I asked what would be good to have on hand just in case we got stuck in traffic or something. Ya know...because it COULD HAPPEN.

Her response?

"Oh. Talk to the hospital and let them know what happened last time. Then just go in at the first sign of labor."

Wait.

What?!

You want me...the woman who doesn't even want an IV stuck in her hand to go into a hospital at the FIRST SIGN OF LABOR?! If you haven't read my birth story, I started having contractions at 3:30pm. They were noticeable and semi-regular. They weren't painful, just irritating. But it was the beginning of labor. My delivery was super quick. It took 9 hours for my contractions to get bad enough that I thought "hey, maaayyyybbbeee I should go to the hospital"...it was just once I got there that things went really fast. But I can't understand why a midwife would suggest going into the hospital at the very first sign of labor, especially when my delivery is what is quick, not my labor (which, she didn't even ask about...and I'm sure I won't ever see her again so she'll never get a chance to ask).

Maybe I'm more irritated about it than I should be. But should I really have to rely on going to the hospital instead of just being prepared? I have had uncomplicated pregnancies and uncomplicated deliveries. My babies have both been born healthy and there is nothing that is pointing towards Bachman's birth being any different. Instead of telling me to do something that will ensure I get all the interventions I don't want (EFM, IV, etc) why not suggest a few supplies that I could easily get on hand that would be useful in helping my husband delivering a baby before we get to the hospital?

I'm really frustrated. I don't want to go to the hospital at all...but there are no birth centers (that I've found) on the island. My options are deliver at Tripler again...which, my birth experience with Ophelia wasn't horrible...I want to make that clear. My problem was the lack of personal care, the fact that I was just another person in a bed...the fact that if I had been admitted, I would have been forced to follow certain procedures...the fact that I gave birth to my daughter in a brightly lit triage room with close to a dozen nurses that were unnecessary.

I don't want any of that...Not this time. Not with my last baby.

My other options include a UC birth (unassisted childbirth) or a home birth with a non-certified nurse midwife, which my insurance will not pay for. According to Tricare, they will only cover CNM's for home birth, even though CNM's rarely do home births.

While I believe that we (Brad and I) could have a baby at home, all by ourselves, on purpose, it honestly isn't my first choice. The "what-ifs" for me are almost too great. Would we do it if we had to? Absolutely...my births have not been high risk and the girls have been fine...however, I do like the knowledge that someone will be there who knows exactly what to do in case of an emergency.

So after digging around and doing some research, I found Sacred Healing Arts. Its a group of women who practice Naturopathic Medicine, Oriental Medicine and Midwifery. I had run across them before when I was pregnant with Ophelia, but nothing ever came of it. So I sent them an email (I've been sick and talking on the phone is not really in....well...anyone's best interest really. I sound all gross and raspy). I'll be interested to see what they say...and then try to figure out what I'm going to do about it. I haven't decided. Its not going to be cheap and going to the hospital is free for us because of our insurance.

We'll see how it all works out. I've just been so upset all day after talking to the CNM...I don't feel listened to...I don't feel like anyone is standing behind me....I don't feel comfortable. I'm there at the office for 15 minutes. They take my temperature and blood pressure. Measure my belly. Listen to the heartbeat...tell me when to show up for my next appointment. Any questions are just answered quickly. My cold magically turned into allergies as soon as I started to ask about it.

It's sad to me when I feel like I can do better on my own....on the internet or through friends or books....than I can sitting in my doctors office for 15 minutes.

Like I said...maybe I'm being too emotional about this...maybe I'm logical in my own right...but I'll figure this all out. I just want this to be the best birth. This IS my last baby.

I'll keep you all updated when I figure it all out.

Court is Today

2011-10-11T10:23:00.001-10:00

So today is the day. Court day. If you've been paying attention to the ongoing court situation (part 1 and part 2) today is the day of our hearing. We are actually going to go to court, sit in front of a judge, have him/her look over our case and decide what would be the best course of action in petitioning for Brad to legally adopt Reilly.

We haven't heard anything from Reilly's natural father (no text messages, phone calls, Facebook messages, emails, etc) or from anyone who could possibly be representing him...though I've gotten a hint from his facebook (a mutual friend...well...a friend of mine really...pointed out his current status that asks his friends to cross their fingers for him) that he may be at least calling in. I don't believe there is any chance that he will actually show up...but there's a chance that he'll be present. Though, I can't imagine why....he hasn't spoken to her in 10 months.

Yes...I keep reiterating that. I keep saying that he doesn't talk to her or he doesn't email her or ask to talk to her. I have to. While I've said that I completely understand if people want to take sides, I need the people who take HIS side to understand that I didn't wake up one morning and think "hmm! How can I fuck him over today?!" -- it's not like that. This hasn't been a problem for days or weeks, this has been a problem for years. This isn't that I'm just being mean. I'm trying to protect MY child from disappointment. I want people...especially people who know him...to understand that this isn't some fucking pitty party that needs to be thrown. I expect good, quality people to want to be involved in their child's life, regardless of where that child is. I live thousands and thousands of miles away from my parents and I still keep in contact with them. Even when I was a bitter, angsty teenager I had a better relationship with my parents (who I "hated") than he does with his daughter. And there are so many things out there now -- she has her own laptop with a webcam on it that I would be more than happy to download Skype on so she could sit in the play room and have a conversation with her natural father. But instead, he chooses not to.

I woke up this morning excited. My friend informed me of his status (remember, the one asking for fingers to be crossed). I got nervous...well...more nervous than I was previously. Court is always nerve wracking. But the more I think about it, the less nervous I decided I was...I know that Brad and I have done everything we possibly can for Reilly -- emotionally, mentally, physically and monetarily....but I'm angry. I'm angry at Brett for thinking he deserves some kind of sympathy from his friends and family when it's his fault that he doesn't have s relationship with his daughter. I'm angry that he thinks he deserves to even have a relationship with her now.

People say that DNA doesn't make a daddy. My husband is proof of that. Will he ever be biologically related to Reilly? No. But, he doesn't need to have the same DNA as her to be her dad. He has proven time and time and time again that he is up for the responsibility (in every single way) of taking care of her for....well....basically ever! Because of Brett's disability, he is at home almost all the time. He continually has access to a computer with a webcam and Skype. He also has access to a phone. He has the time. But instead of taking 20 minutes of out his day to talk to his daughter...to ask how school was...or what she's learning...or ask her what she can read all by herself...or who her friends are......he plays facebook games or WoW, or reads comic books.

You know what Brad does when Reilly gets home from school? He helps her with her homework. We all talk about what happened during the day.

So that's my pre-court "rant" of sorts. I'm not nervous. I'm confident that Brad and I are the best parents for Reilly. I am confident that her natural father doesn't have a leg to stand on. I'm confident that today will go in our favor. But I'm still nervous as hell.

And for everyone who thinks they are doing anyone a favor by feeling sorry for him...the only person you are doing a favor for is him. He needs someone to feel sorry for him. But this court hearing isn't about HIM. It's not about ME or BRAD or any one else. The only person it is about, is REILLY. And what is going to benefit HER in the long run. And what she's been through. And who has been there for her. And who WILL be there for her in the next weeks, months and years. Not who's DNA she's made out of.

I'll update everyone later about how it went.

Okay...now I'm nervous.

<3

My Take on the Minimalist Baby

2011-10-10T15:46:00.001-10:00

With BB's (Baby Bachman's -- and oh, it's a boy!! I don't think I've blogged since we found out!) due date fast approaching, we obviously are going to be in need of baby items.

I've taken somewhat different approaches to baby gear with the last two.

With Reilly, I wanted awesomeness in any way possible. Baby gear out the ass. Did I get it all? No. Of course not. (I'm not THAT spoiled) but I got what I needed and THEN SOME.

With Ophelia, we were so close to moving by the time I had my baby shower that I really only asked for the basics....but I still ended up with stuff that I didn't need or really utilize.

So with BB, I've decided that I don't need anything else other than the basics. I have a lot of stuff left over from Ophelia that I can use -- breast pump, boppy, pack and play (to use as a make shift crib until we can get one that isn't ridiculously expensive OR just a crib...convertible all the way!) a couple of bottles and some "entertain small baby" toys. I also have an entire bin full of blankets (wtf?) and my Moby Wrap. We have the little things too...baby nail clippers? Check. I think we have two sets even. Burp cloths and wash clothswe also have! In abundance (thanks mama!

So I have baby things. I'm not planning on buying a ton for BB. I don't really *need* a whole lot! There are some things though...like almost every baby, you do need some things.

My minimalist list for BB:
-convertible (not infant) car seat. Ophelia hated her infant car seat and we'll be buying a convertible car seat in the not too distant future, so we're opting to invest in one from the get-go.
-double stroller for Ophelia and Bachman. We actually use our stroller a decent amount of the time right now...especially when I walk Reilly down to the bus stop. It will be nice once Bachman gets older too and it isn't comfortable for me to wear him in the Moby wrap.
-cloth diapers. This one I'm a little worried about...I haven't been CDing Ophelia for 2 months or so now. We hit a snag that I needed to take care of (maybe worth a blog post later) and we switched to disposables for Ophelia's sake. I've had a hard time getting back to CDing for a variety of reasons, but I plan on hopefully finding a way to make it work for our family again.
-an acceptable amount of clothing for a BB At least enough clothing for two changes/day if necessary for a week plus a couple outfits for laundry days. Including some jammies. But we live in Hawaii...he doesn't need an abundance of pants or socks or jackets or anything like that.

There will be a couple more things here and there I'm sure...but mostly, this is the list I'm going off of. He'll be a newborn, what the hell else will he need?? Sure, a couple of months after he's born, we might get him an exersaucer (not Ophelia's...because...well...hers is bright pink). It'll probably be nice to have a little play mat at some point too...Ophelia seemed to dig hers for quite some time. But I think instead of buying mostly new (Ophelia's exersaucer was found on Craigs List), we're going to go for mostly used this time around. There are some things that I do want to buy new because both Ophelia and BB will get use out of them. A nice new baby monitor. If our house was one level, I probably wouldn't bother....but its not. And since Ophelia will be moving into her own room before BB comes along, we'll need one for her. Then, when BB moves into his own room. Baby gates are a must. We have one crappy one...I'd like two not so crappy ones. But honestly, that's about it.

Of course, as he (and Ophelia) gets older, he'll need more things. More clothes...or rather, different kinds of clothing (tshirts and shorts instead of onsies), shoes and socks, pants and jackets when we move back to the mainland. But in the first year, Ophelia didn't really need a whole lot. She didn't need a new outfit for every single day. I actually liked just letting her hang out in stained clothes if we were just gonna be at home...why not? The likelihood of her getting MORE stains on them was pretty huge...so instead of ruining new clothes, she can just ruin old, already ruined clothes! With the abundance of toys Ophelia has collected over the last year, I won't need to buy much. I don't need twenty million binkies hanging around my house -- unless BB turns out to be a binky baby, which Ophelia wasn't. Then maybe we'll have like, five. I'll be breastfeeding 99% of the time again, so we won't need an entire stash of bottles...just a couple for here and there times....like when my parents and inlaws come to visit and maybe the husband and I can have date night.

Plus, I'm on this minimalist kick anyway. I look around my house and I get irritated. I don't want to clean up the house because it'll be cluttered again in 20 minutes (not an exaggeration either). I have a list of things to start minimizing and BB's stuff will be an on-going project until he's born....and then after -- along with the girls.

If I can actually take the time to sit down and blog...which...I seem to keep promising...and failing miserably at...I might write about my new minimalist obsession and what I plan on doing about it. I have lists and plans...and they might get done in a timely manner. Especially with Christmas around the corner. Yeesh.

So that's my plan for BB.

Are you a minimalist mom or do you need all the awesome gadgets for a new baby? And yes some of them are pretty awesome. Someone them....not so much. Like the "baby keurig"...that makes a bottle of formula for you. Seems like a waste of counter space to me. Though...maybe that's why I (now) consider myself a minimalist mom...I don't need that kinda stuff.

Lawyer Meeting

2011-10-07T08:13:00.002-10:00

So a couple weeks ago I blogged about what we were doing and our super secret news...and WHY exactly we were going down the road that we chose to go down.

Well, we are less than a week away from our court date and I'm getting more nervous and excited the closer it comes to the court date. Court is next Tuesday. Yesterday, we went to meet with the lawyer who will be representing us at the hearing.

For the last month or so, I've been nervous as hell. The what-ifs have been flowing. But today, when we met with our lawyer most of that changed. I'm still nervous...but not as nervous as I was before.

We went over what was basically going to happen...apparently adoption cases are pretty cut and dry. Which is pretty understandable, especially since it is looking pretty doubtful that Reilly's natural father will be in attendance in any way.

She's expecting this to go pretty quick...and really, the only thing that may take some time would be waiting until our names are called.

So if all goes well, it could be finalized as soon as Tuesday.

We also discussed after the adoption is finalized...I was under the assumption for some reason that this would be a closed adoption -- meaning that Reilly's natural father would not be able to have any contact with her legally. But I found out today that that isn't the case. There is nothing *legally* keeping him from trying to contact her, except for Brad and I...which is fine...and I think beneficial in the long run. If, a couple years down the line, she decides she wants to know about him or what happened, I will have no problem telling her, and with all the social media and google, she'd have no problem finding him...though I think right now, it is better left as a "closed" thing on our end...not that he seems to want any contact with her to begin with. I mean...I didn't stay friends with her biological father AND his mother on facebook just because it's fun. I kept that line of communication open specifically for Reilly. I let them catch glimpses into my life for my daughter.

This whole situation makes me happy for our family. For Reilly, who will legally have an amazing father. Not that she hasn't the last 4 years...Brad has been there for her when she's needed a father. He's been there for her for 4 years.And making it legal will just be the icing on the cake.

But it makes me sad too. It makes me sad that I believed Reilly's natural father when he said that he loved her. That he'd take care of her. That he'd never let anything hurt her. And he lied. He lied to me. And ultimately, he lied to Reilly. He let HIS issues/problems/entertainment/well being/LIFE come before his child. And do you know why that is wrong? When you become a parent...to one child, three children, or ten children...your life is no longer yours. Your needs and comfort and entertainment no longer come first 100% of the time. Sometimes, it's okay to take time to yourself...to have alone time or a date night. To go out with friends. But when you put yourself first...before your children...any chance you get...that's not right. And it's not being a *real* parent.

Reilly has stopped asking...she's stopped caring....she's stopped questioning. She might do it all again one day...but as of right now, she doesn't even know that they are on the same planet, let alone related by blood. And I'm more than okay with that. She has everything and everyone she absolutely needs, right here in our house.

I'm so ready for Tuesday.

Serious Update

2011-09-24T09:32:00.000-10:00

Lots and lots has been going on lately. So, we'll start!

Last week, Brad and I got some horrible news...a friend of ours...well, mostly his, but I knew him, was killed in Afghanistan last weekend. Very, very sad and super tragic...especially shortly after the year anniversary of our other friend, Aj, being killed in Afghanistan. Needless to say, it was a pretty somber weekend at our house.

However, with that sad news, I'm very happy to say that Brad's friends and family have been so generous and have donated money to him so he can make the trip to Alabama for the funeral...which I think is fantastic. So Brad leaves for Alabama this upcoming Monday for Mike's funeral and will be back on Thursday. I'm happy he gets to go....especially since he wasn't able to get back for Aj's funeral last year. So he'll be getting into Alabama on Tuesday morning, with the funeral on Wednesday morning. His brother is awesome and is taking some time off on Wednesday and Thursday and driving down from Kentucky to grab dinner and hang out for a couple hours.

I have my 20 week baby appointment on Wednesday! Which means, it's time to *hopefully* find out if we're having a boy or a girl! I'm pretty bummed that Brad won't be here (he'll be in Alabama and all) but we've decided not to share the sex of the baby -- if we can even see it -- until after he gets back from Alabama. It'll be nice to have a little secret just for us for a day or so. I'm sure there will be a little disappointment with that...because I know so many people are looking forward to knowing if Baby O #3 will be the long awaited boy or another girl. (Btw, Reilly keeps telling me she wants another girl.) I'm going to try to see if I can call him during the ultrasound, but who knows if they'll let me or if I'll even have signal...I have horrid signal at the clinic. But he'll find out one way or another. :)

Then let's see....after Brad comes home from Alabama, Reilly starts her fall break from school. I can't believe they are already having their first break. Back in the beginning of September, I got to go to the Student of the Month assembly because Reilly got student of the month in August! Her first month in school and she got student of the month! For taking care of her responsibilities and her personal area (I assume that means her desk or something...?)

Look at my big girl!!

We also got her school pictures back! She looks like such a big girl instead of a little kid...it's hard to believe that in about 6 months she's going to be 6! She'll be closer to 10 than she will be 1! It just seems so impossible...I don't know why...part of one of those things that comes with being a mom I guess...?

Next! Ophelia had her FIRST BIRTHDAY a couple weeks ago! FIRST! Which means she has successfully been alive for a year and no one has died, broken anything or ended up in the hospital! Which is fabulous! We didn't really do much for her birthday...we bought her some gifts...Nannie and Opa also mailed some money (which she got some pretty awesome stuff with) and Grandma and Grandpa sent some gifts her way as well...we had pizza and I made cake in a jar (which color wise, looked really sad). She made a disgusting mess and had not one, but two baths. But all in all it was a pretty decent birthday! No parties, no other kids, no huge mess to clean up...just Ophelia, Sissy, Mama and Daddy (And Mocha!) celebrating with our little toddler. (WHA?! TODDLER??!!)

So that was fun.

Happy Birthday Ophelia!!

I posted last week (I think) about taking Reilly's biological dad to court -- we're petitioning the courts to let Brad legally adopt Reilly. It's seeming like it's going to go our way, but the closer we get to the court date, the more nervous I get. I'm not sure why...especially since bother her bio-father and her bio-grandmother have both defriended me on Facebook...which was a line of communication I was keeping open, even though I didn't really want to, so that they would have access to any pictures I post of Reilly, any fun things that she was doing, or just to get in contact with me to skype or what-have-you with her. And since I keep my profile private (to keep other people out of my business) they no long have access to any of that. Which is their loss really. Reilly is an amazing girl...and they are just missing whatever time they have left being in her life. I say that, only because with the backing of friends and family (and Brad of course) I am very confident that this hearing will go in mine and Brad's favor. Though I'm still nervous, so what's that say? Haha. Just me worrying I guess....like I do. So we have court. I'm looking forward to that being done and over with.

Just a couple days after court, Brad is having surgery on his neck to replace a disc...or something. I don't really know what's going on....all I know is that he'll be in the hospital overnight and then he'll have a month of recovery time...which means he'll be home for a month. Should be all well and good and hopefully that helps with his neck problems that he's been having.

So that's that. I'll try to post more often....things have been so busy with Ophelia being a toddler, me being pregnant, and Reilly in school....then Brad just doing all his normal work stuff, that I haven't really gotten a chance to sit down and write something. But since the girls have been nicely playing in the playroom for the last 45 minutes or so, I've gotten some time to write. Woo!

<3ttfn

Background Story -- Adoption Journey

2011-09-15T08:35:00.000-10:00

I've sat down and written this blog post before. I have gone over and over word choices, length, etc, etc, in my head. I've thought a lot about it because of the position that I'm in. And I'll get into the secret, and why I had to keep it a secret shortly, but real quick, a little bit of a back story...

Firstly, for those of you who don't know me personally, my husband is not Reilly's biological dad. I got pregnant with Reilly in 2005. It was a big surprise, as I was planning on getting back on birth control and not even bothering with the trying to make a baby for awhile. I was fine with that. But, turns out I was pregnant. No biggie. Pregnancy was easy enough. No complications. I ended up with a happy, healthy little girl born in March of 2006.

My relationship with her dad wasn't the greatest...we had our good times, but over all, it wasn't that great. I actually think it was pretty doomed from the start, but whatever...it was what it was. When I met my now husband in 2007, things just clicked. I was still "together" with Reilly's dad, but we were just going through the motions of life...at least I was. I had mentally "checked out" of the relationship and was pretty much sticking around just for the benefit of the kids (Reilly and her half siblings) so when I met my husband and we just clicked, I was outta there. I took Reilly and moved back in my parents and I started a relationship with my husband. Less than two months later, we were married and moving into our own little place for us to start a family.

Reilly and Brad took to each other like white on rice. They adored each other like crazy and it was like all the little pieces of the puzzle fit together. Reilly was happy and thriving and had someone who showed he cared about her in her life. Brad did things for Reilly that he didn't have to do, but did anyway. For instance, he added her to his health and dental insurance. And though that doesn't sound like a big deal, it really is....before, she was on the state health insurance and that was it.

Since I left her biological dad, things have gone down hill with their relationship. For awhile, she was seeing him on a regular basis and even spending the night there a couple times. But that didn't last very long...soon, other things became much too "important"....instead of spending time with his ever growing daughter, who was learning new things every day, he was out drinking with his friends and doing this or that. So Reilly spent the majority of her time with Brad and I, or "daddy" as she called him by then....which was fine with us. We went and did all the fun stuff that families did and enjoyed each others company. And Reilly and Brad had more and more time to bond.

So ever since the beginning of 2008, Reilly hasn't really had a relationship with her biological dad. After a couple months of being married, she stopped staying the night over there...then she stopped visiting every other weekend. Then it went to once a month...then MAYBE once a month. Then every couple months...there was one point in time where her bio-dad didn't actually SEE her for four months. That was made worse by the fact that in late 2009 he was in a accident that left him in a wheel chair. He was in the hospital for quite some time up in Seattle and while I brought her up there, it wasn't something I could do on a regular basis. When he got out of the hospital back home, I was certain that things were going to be different. I thought deep down that a near death experience would make him appreciate all that he had, including his three kids. I thought he was going to ask to see her more often so he could spend more time with her and get to know her a little bit better. He didn't know how smart she was...he best knew the 1 1/2 - 2 year old Reilly...not the 3 year old Reilly...and certainly not the 4 year old Reilly. He had no idea who she was as a person....what she liked or didn't like...what her favorite songs or movies were, or her favorite books. That didn't happen.

So then, we moved to Hawaii. Which we all knew would be a little more difficult....there's a two-three hour time difference, depending on the time of the year, thousands of miles -- which means we couldn't go back to visit whenever we wanted...our schedules changing...a new baby, Reilly starting school...there were so many things happening. I knew that it wouldn't be the same, but I thought that with at least that much space between Reilly and her biological dad, he would at least make the effort to talk to his daughter every couple of weeks or once a month.

Unfortunately, I was sadly mistaken. We moved to Hawaii in July 2010. I can count the number of times Reilly has physically talked to her biological dad on one hand. I can count the number of correspondences total in less than two. In a year. Would you like to know when the last time Reilly sat in front of a computer and Skyped with her biological dad was? December 15, 2010. Yes, you are doing your math right. It's been over 9 months since she said a word to him. Her birthday was the last time any contact was made at all (a birthday card was sent...no birthday phone call, nothing) which was at the end of March...which was 5 months ago. For comparisons sake...would you like to know the last time she talked to her Grandma on the phone? Yesterday. The last time they talked via webcam? A couple weeks ago. My mom has made two trips out here to see her...and while I know that isn't exactly possible for her dad, my mom also sends Reilly and Ophelia care packages on a pretty frequent basis. Brad's mom has also made a trip out here to visit, all the way from Ohio. Do we talk on the phone as often? No, but there's also a 6 hour time difference and Brad's mom and dad work all week. Reilly stills gets a chance to talk to them whenever she can.

Could you please tell me that you could go 5 months without even sending a card to your kid? Could you really go 8 months without telling your child "I love you"...or even a simple "hello"??

I've never asked for a penny from Reilly's biological dad. Brad and I have footed the bill for everything for her...new toys, new clothes, food, a place to live. We take her to the movies and the park and zoo. Just recently, we went school supplies shopping and we paid for her to ride the bus (which yes, it costs money here in Hawaii for her to ride the bus less than 5 miles a day.) We take care of her health and dental needs. I never asked for any money because: 1) I knew I wouldn't get it. 2) I didn't want to go to court to TRY to get it. 3) We didn't need it. Sure...more money always helps, but we weren't and aren't struggling to provide for our family. After his accident, Social Security was set up for Reilly because according to the state, she is entitled to it. And what exactly does the state deem her entitled to? $33 a month. Wanna know what THAT buys in Hawaii? Not much, let me tell you that. So every once in awhile we'll take the money out and spend it on this or that for Reilly, usually a new toy or a special treat for her...but that isn't going to cover a dental bill. That wouldn't even cover half of what it costs for her to ride the school bus for ONE quarter.

It's all very tiring for me as a mother. Reilly used to ask me questions about "when will my dad Brett talk to me"....but those questions have long since faded...I haven't heard her mention her biological dad in months. When she comes home from school, she wants to share her news with me and her daddy. Sometimes her Grandma and Grandpa or Nannie and Opa. Sometimes her Auntie Brooke and Uncle Steve. But never her dad Brett. I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to talk to someone who didn't want to talk to me either.

Reilly has told me many things over the months and years that would lead you to believe that even she doesn't consider her "dad Brett" her real dad. Firstly, she calls him "dad Brett"....not dad, not daddy, but "dad Brett". She's said this to me before: "my dad Brett is just pretending to be my dad". She also says that her daddy (Brad) helped make her like he helped make Ophelia. If that doesn't speak volumes as to how she feels about her dad Brett and her daddy, I don't know what does.

The reason I take the time to write all of this down is because of the super secret news. A couple months back, Brad and I hired a lawyer to petition the courts to allow Brad to legally adopt Reilly. We had been keeping it a secret because Reilly's biological dad was a friend of mine on Facebook, as was his mom (Reilly's grandma) and I didn't want the information to leak out prematurely. However, as of August 16th, we had an official court date with the state of Hawaii and as of August 30th, Reilly's bio-dad was served with the same paperwork informing him of the court date. He has the choice to hire a lawyer, fly to Hawaii himself or call in during the hearing and testifying by phone.

Court will be held in Hawaii in the beginning of October. I am excited about this. Everything works out in our favor and we only have to hope that the judge feels the same way.

I know a lot of people probably have tons of questions...like "why didn't you force him to talk to her?" That's not my job. I can't FORCE someone to have a relationship with their child. I'm not in the business of making someone take responsibility for their children....I am in the business of being responsible for my kids and my family. And I am. I take care of Reilly, Ophelia and the little bebe. I take care of my house, cook everyone dinner, go grocery shopping, etc. Brad takes care of Reilly, Ophelia and me. He goes to work every day and brings home a paycheck. We take responsibility for ourselves and our kids. Reilly's biological dad just doesn't see the need to do that.

Some people might think I'm being mean...and that's okay. That's part of why I wrote out this novel of a blog post...so that I could put into words how the relationship between Reilly and her biological dad has been over the past five and a half years....so that people can see and try to understand why I am doing this.

I am basically just trying to do what is best for my kid. I am trying to give Reilly a stable household, with a real dad who cares about her. If Brad was allowed to adopt Reilly, what would change? Well, she would have his last name instead of Brett's for one. The way that the adoption would work is that it would be considered a "closed" adoption...he would not be able to have contact with Reilly until she was 18...a legal adult...and wanted to have contact with him. He would not get any information from me or Brad...pictures, emails, letters, etc about her. When we visit Washington, he would not be able to see her. This would also go for his mother and other family members (not like they give a shit anyway...99% of them have never even met Reilly). Of course, Brad and I would be open and honest with Reilly about everything...we would never blatantly lie to her. But I doubt we'll offer up the information without her wanting to know. She's a smart girl and she can tell when someone doesn't want to talk to her or be in her life.

I do feel lucky that while she is 5 and a smart girl, that's she's been so young through most of this. She hasn't really had to deal with her biological dad not talking to her. She doesn't ask questions anymore. She's kind of oblivious to the entire thing.

So there's that. I'll be trying to keep everyone updated as court goes along...I'm hoping it's short and sweet and not a hassle...

Oh. As an added fun time bonus. Reilly's biological dad and his mother both deleted me as their Facebook friend shortly after he was served with the court documents. So much for staying in contact for the kid huh? I wouldn't have had either of them on my friends list had it not been for Reilly, but chose to keep them around in case they wanted to easily get a hold of me.

100 Words (or less) About Breastfeeding

2011-07-27T09:39:00.000-10:00

Amber McCann posted on her blog a couple weeks ago about writing down your breastfeeding journey in 100 words are less. There are so many different things I could say about my breastfeeding journey with Ophelia...it has been an amazing journey.

So I decided to write 100 words (okay, it ended up being 92 words) about my breastfeeding journey. Like I said, I could say a ton about this journey...but I did limit myself.

I hope you enjoy!

100 Words About My Journey as a Breastfeeding Mother

Number one. Three months. I was disappointed in myself and my ability to push forward during the struggles I had. I promised myself I would do better. Number two. Ten months and counting. Still going strong through 11 weeks of surprise number three. Planning to wean earlier than previously planned, but still confident in making it to at least twelve months. Number three will be easy. Though now I dislike the familiar soreness and the sleepless nights of nursing while pregnant. Number three will be so lucky. As are one and two.

Am I Going to Have a Doula for Baby O #3?

2011-07-15T10:23:00.000-10:00

So, as you are all aware, I found out I'm pregnant...again.

I went to the doctor for a dating ultrasound earlier this week, and as of today I am 9w4d pregnant.

I've been thinking about something since I found out I was pregnant.

Do I want a doula at the birth of baby number 3?

As a doula myself...I felt obligated. I felt like I would be looked down on as a doula if I did not have a doula at my own birth! When I was pregnant with Ophelia, I was so upset that I wasn't going to have a doula at my birth. I felt like I would be giving myself the best chance to get what I wanted during her birth if I did have a doula...but Brad did not want a doula present. And after a lot of conversation (and possibly a little arguing) we agreed not to have a doula at Ophelia's birth...we agreed to see how her birth went, and then would come back to the situation when I got pregnant again, depending on how we felt her birth went. I was still a little upset over it, but we had talked it out and we came to an agreement, and we both stood by our choice. Which was ultimately fine. I had a fantastic birth with Ophelia...even though not EVERYTHING went exactly 100% how I wanted it to, I was happy with what did happen. And really, the only things I would have changed, would have had nothing to do with a doula in the first place (like the fact that I did not want to stay in the hospital as long as I did).

So now that I'm pregnant and a doula, I've had to figure out what would be best for my family. As a doula, I encourage mamas and their partners to make the best choices for their families and follow their hearts with what they want to do. I encourage mamas and their partners to educate themselves about the birth process and procedures at their hospitals or birth centers.

So how do I feel about having a doula?

Not good. When I imagine having a doula at the birth of baby number three, I get anxious and uneasy. It doesn't make me feel good. After Reilly's birth, with so many people in the room with me as I was pushing her out, a huge number of people in the delivery room made me feel uneasy. Including myself, nurses and my midwife there were at least nine people in the room with me...that was too many. Even with Ophelia's birth....just Brad and I, the OB and some nurses was too much. Ultimately, I would like it to be me, Brad, a midwife and one nurse...tops. I think all the people are completely unnecessary. So why would I want to add a doula to the mix? I'm also not very comfortable with people *in general*. It depends...if I was back home...I would probably have my mom come doula for me...and even then, I still might not. I am one of those people who needs to be really comfortable with the people who are around me when I give birth. And a lot of that does have to do with my first birth...I felt very uncomfortable with at least one person in the room....and it has really bothered me all these years later.

I am also completely confident in my ability (and Brad's as well) to advocate for me. I'm very educated about what I want and need and what is acceptable and what to do in an emergency. I am willing to speak my mind (and Brad is too). We have come up with things to help us and not hurt us.

So, to answer the question posed earlier....do I want a doula at the birth of baby number three? No. I don't. Am I going to? No. I'm not.

I greatly appreciate the women who have allowed me to come into their lives and be present at the births of their children. I encourage mamas to get a doula if they feel like they need the extra support. I want women to be able to have the birth that they want, whether that means natural and intervention free or induction and pain relief. And I want the ability to birth how I want, without being chastised as a professional. I believe the best thing a woman can do for herself is to find a way to be empowered and well educated, as well as confident in her choice as a woman and a mother, and that is exactly what I am doing by not having a doula.

This is something that has honestly been weighing on my mind and my heart a lot. I seriously felt like I would be "black-listed" as a doula (with all those clients and all that pull I have in the community right? Heh.) for NOT having a doula. It caused me a lot of anxiety and I believe that if I did have a doula at the birth of this baby, I would be one of those women who just stopped labor/dilation/whatever because of how mentally uncomfortable I would be.

So I am not going to have a doula for the birth of my third baby....and this is the best choice for me, my husband, and my baby.

The Good News Just Keeps On Coming!

2011-06-18T17:33:00.000-10:00

So I haven't been able to unveil my super secret news yet, but I do have some other fantastic news that I CAN share!

We found out a couple days ago that we're expecting little bebe #3!!

We're so excited....surprised...and a little nervous (at least I am), but excited none the less!

I promise to write more about it later, but right now I'm in the process of getting my house semi-put together...we JUST moved on post on Wednesday!

But I just thought I'd share the fantastic news (even though the super secret news has yet to be shared....*sigh*)

52 Week of Organizing

2011-06-08T18:11:00.000-10:00

Somehow, I stumbled onto The Organizing Junkie's blog last night. Holy flippin cow I am in love with this website. She's doing a 52 weeks of organizing section on her blog. For those of you who haven't been to my house, its....dysfunctional to say the least. At any given time, I have about 10 piles of crap laying around the house that I just look and groan at when I walk by. I'm horrible at keeping things in their places and because of that, my house is constantly in disarray.

So I've decided to take her up on her 52 weeks of organizing challenge (I guess its a challenge...). The only thing is that, I'm going to wait until we move to start doing it. Which is a little frustrating because after reading all of this stuff, I wanna just do it NOW...but instead, I gotta pack up my goodies and get them ready to go to a new house.

In The Org Junkie's first post of the 52 weeks, she asks us, the readers, to write out a list of the 52 things we wanna do. I have a feeling that I'll be doing more than one a week, especially after Reilly starts going to school and I have one less kid to do things with during the day (I love doing things with her, it's just that she has a lot of energy!)

So I'll try to keep posted on my organizing and what not! I'm really excited to start doing this...just a bummer I gotta wait until next week!

The first 10 things I'm going to tackle (which will probably happen in a couple weeks instead of 10) are:

1. Go through & purge all unused kitchen tools, to include anything from big appliances to spoons.
2.Find homes for my cookbooks and start my recipe binder.
3.Organize my laundry room.
4. Stock all the bathrooms with soap, tp, towels, etc.
5.Organize my linen closet
6. Find a storage solution for our recycling
7. Storage for dog toys and other doggie goodies (food/treats/shampoo/etc)
8. Go through Ophelia's toys -- purge or clean
9. Storage solution for Ophelia's toys
10. Start making my house hold notebook

Look at all that fun stuff I get to do!!

I'm all the way up to 44 things to do so far, and organizing and keeping control of the clutter is an ongoing process. Cleaning, purging, making homes....I'm really bad at all of that. So I'm excited to start doing this and getting it all done. And luckily, I can break it down into multiple steps and days if I need to so its not so overwhelming. I get overwhelmed REALLY easily.

Check back in a week or two to see how I'm doing!

Speaking of moving, we get the keys to our new house next week and can start moving in immediately. Can't wait you guys!!

Don't Be A Negative Nancy

2011-06-06T10:46:00.000-10:00

The other day, I had the displeasure of getting into an argument with someone...a friend of my husband's....over doulas. She is a nurse. She went to nursing school, and as far as I am aware, she is currently working as a nurse somewhere over in the Midwest.

Before I go any further in my little rant, I need to make something clear. Just because I am a doula and a natural birth advocate does not mean I am anti-nurse/doctor/medicine. I have a lot of respect for doctors and nurses. They have worked very hard to get where they are. I do not think that medical interventions are always unnecessary. The majority? Maybe. Even half the time? Quite possibly. I am obviously speaking of pregnancy and childbirth only) But I am very thankful that we live in a day and age where we have the tools necessary for emergencies. I am of the opinion that doctors have turned childbirth into a completely medicalized process, treating it as a disease instead of something natural. And however I may feel about some nurses and doctors on a personal level (for instance, I am not a big fan of the head nurse and OB who attended Ophelia's birth) does not carry over into how I feel about nurses and doctors on a professional level. And while I'm on the subject, I am a natural birth advocate, and I believe that if a woman is making an informed choice on her terms instead of a doctors, she has the right to make whatever choice she desires. I personally want women to be informed about what they do to their bodies.

That being said....this is what started the whole debacle:

I have never seen a doula around here. Interesting. We the nurses do all of the before and after teaching and are very hands on through the delivery process. We also have lactation consultants (also nurses) come in and will go to women's homes. So I am not really seeing the point unless it's a home birth.

Phew. Is anyone else irritated by this statement? Or is it just me? As a woman who has given birth two times myself, and has many, many friends who have given birth, I just would like to call bullshit. For the record, the woman I am discussing has never been pregnant or given birth. Lets see...with my first baby, no nurse explained to me what was going on before or during labor. They just told me to do things...."pee in this cup"..."put this on"...."lay like this". Hands on? No. With my second birth, no nurse did anything "hands on"....unless you consider hands on putting an EFM on my stomach, asking me when I wanted to get my epidural, then making snarky comments when I said I wanted a natural childbirth. Then ignoring my requests after Ophelia was born. Yup. Hands.On. Also, I am unsure of any LC who is staffed at a hospital who makes house calls...though maybe there are some...who knows.

We make recommendations, advocate for the patient based on our medical knowledge that we went to college for, not just by taking a course.

I personally, have never had a nurse advocate for me. I have had them make snarky, condescending comments, but not make recommendations based on what I want, or advocate for me in any way. I know they are out there. I do. I know a couple of women who are nurses and who are caring and compassionate women, and I would assume that personality carries over into their career. With that being said, I have seen very few labor and delivery nurses advocate for a patient. I've read a blog of a L&D nurse and she talks about how difficult it is to advocate for a patient. (I cannot find the blog right now, but I'm looking, I swear.) I can understand why it would be difficult to advocate for laboring women. Every other place in a hospital is filled with people who are sick, have diseases, or are dying. Except the Labor & Delivery ward. L&D is just filled with mommies having babies, which they have been doing for thousands and thousands of years. As I stated earlier, I believe that childbirth is over-medicalized. According to the CDC the cesarean rate was 32%, which, according to the WHO, should only be 10-15%....which means about half of all the c-sections performed each year are unnecessary.

For the record, I am not sure where in a hospital this nurse works.

We are the patients' advocates and have the medical knowledge to back it up. Any nurse without a backbone to stand up for their patient doesn't need to be a nurse! We don't work for or have to answer to the drs. I have many times told drs what my patient wants or doesn't want. Now I see shy doulas are used so little, lack of medical knowledge.

Again, I personally have never had a nurse advocate for me. A lot of mama's I know who have delivered in a hospital have disliked at least one of their nurses, if not the majority of their nursing staff. I have read stories of L&D nurses all but being forced to perform unnecessary interventions or procedures on patients that those patients do not want. I have read stories of doctors who do not care what the patient, support person (husband), or nurse says, and do whatever they want anyway. Doulas may not have gone to school for 4 years. Doulas may not be able to give medical advice.

I would LOVE to know where you get your evidence based research. Googling something don't count. Any one or two studies with a handful of participants isn't grounds for evidence based. Do your research on evidence based practice. In layman terms it means MULTIPLE studies were done to show the best, most effective and safest way to do something. Get on CINHL and then talk to me about evidence based research. Good luck in educating yourself. I am pretty sure drs and nurses view birth as something natural.

To me, this is not only an attack on my job but an attack on me personally. I have read numerous books and studies about labor and childbirth. I know the deal. I know what is necessary and when, and what is not. I have not witnessed many OB/GYNs who practice evidence based care (though that does not mean they aren't out there). I personally do not believe that doctors view birth as "something natural" but a problem they can fix...I know my attending OB at Ophelia's birth didn't...the look on her face when I told her I wasn't moving and was going to push instead made it very apparent that she had never seen a natural childbirth before. I'm a lot of nurses view birth as natural, but that doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Nurses are nurses, plain and simple. They are overworked and underpaid and have a lot of shit to do on their shifts. They have more patients than they can handle sometimes. They do their best. I truly believe that nurses want to do what is best for their patient...but it doesn't always happen. While technically nurses are not employed by the doctors, they ultimately fall under doctor rule, and often times have to do things that they aren't comfortable with. Not listening to a doctor can have its consequences when you have to work with them on an almost daily basis.

For the record, googling stuff DOES count as long as you are getting your information from reliable resources. Just for the record.

I was so angry. I still am a little irritated. Not only was what I want to do with my life (right now) attacked, but I felt personally attacked as well. Have I gone to 4 years of nursing school? No. I haven't....not yet anyway. But I never claimed to know everything. I know a lot more than a lot of pregnant women about the body, labor and childbirth, but I do not know everything. Being a doula means you are continually learning...just like being a nurse or a doctor. Can I give medical recommendations? No I can't. But I can give my clients the information that I know that has been published by doctors, midwives and other professionals. I'm not saying a doula is for everyone either. I'm not bashing women as a whole or the choices they make. I feel that every woman has the right to do whatever she wants to do to her body, which is also why I'm Pro-Choice. If a woman gets pregnant, and decides right off the bat that they don't want to feel any pain at all, I will make try to make sure that they understand the risks and benefits, but I will not belittle them for getting an epidural...it's not my place at all. I will birth how I feel is best for me and you will do the same.

The nurse that this happened with....I would never feel comfortable having her as my nurse, which is my right as a patient. I have personal issues (aside from this whole thing) with this person that I will not get into, but it is frustrating when someone basically says your job is obsolete and makes cracks about how educated you are (or aren't). And it makes me hurt for the pregnant women. Some hospitals (I know of at least one in Ohio -- and that's almost a different post in and of itself...and is mostly the fault of doulas overstepping their boundaries and trying to play doctor) that have banned doulas all together. Having a doula at a hospital birth has been proven to cause less stress on mom and have less interventions take place, both of which are needed at hospitals.

I feel like I'm making myself look like I'm digging on nurses. I'm not. As I said earlier, I have a great deal of respect for nurses. The nurses I know have worked long and hard, missing out on spending time with their families, to get where they are. And I respect that greatly. I know what is in store for me when I go to nursing school. What I am digging on is ignorance and what I perceive as woman on woman hating. It happens a lot in the birthing community because everyone feels like their way is the best way and that women who do differently are putting them down (for instance, scheduled c-sections vs. natural childbirth, formula vs. breast, etc.). I try to get my point across without telling anyone they are "doing it wrong", but before you start talking shit, please understand that there are many women who don't believe the same thing you do. The attitude this person had (which was very defensive) made it seem like she thought doulas were out to take her job. Which is absolutely not what doulas are trying to do. I don't sit back and talk shit about things I know nothing about. I would hope that other women would educate themselves (just because you go to nursing school doesn't mean they teach you about doulas or you know e-ver-y-thing) before they bash other women. And just because you (the collective 'you') think something is unimportant, does not mean that others feel the same. Doulas have always been a very important part of childbirth. They may not have always been as popular as they used to be, but they have always been important. Having that support is very important to have...whether if be from a Doula, a spouse, a friend or relative, it's important.

I hope I've been able to convey my frustration in a pleasant manner. I tried not to talk shit, or go into 'bitch mode', and I hope I've accomplished that. I will say again, I truly respect nurses and what they do. They are a very important part of our lives. I am not trying to be the nurse when I go into the hospital to doula for someone. Nurses are nurses and I am a doula, and that's the way it will always be.

I don't want to go into this too much, but I attended a birth a little over a week ago. My first one. I was nervous as all hell, my palms were sweating as I walked into the labor room. I introduced myself to the nurses. I feel like I did an okay job. I wasn't too sure of myself, but mama was strong and she did wonderfully. Her little boy is adorable. I had no problems with any of the L&D staff. It was an amazing first experience. As I left the little family to get to know each other, I teared up a little bit as I started my car. Nothing horrible happened, mama and daddy were enjoying their new son and I didn't feel like stabbing any nurses or doctors. That's how it should be. It won't always be that way, but that's how it should be.

I really do hope I've gotten across my disgust for ignorance without coming off as a "know it all". I don't know it all. I don't claim to be something I'm not. I am just frustrated with the lack of understanding. It's frustrating to me to think that THIS is part of the reasons that doulas are looked down upon. Why we are not totally accepted in today's society. It makes me sad. I hope I've not offended anyone either...my friends and family are very important to me, as well as my readers, and really, I don't want to offend anyone. If I wanted to offend you, I would try harder. Heh.

And thanks for reading all the way through if you made it this far. This was upsetting to me when it happened last week and writing about it has made me feel much better. My best friend told me that there will always be people who make these kinds of comments. And I am seriously thankful that I have more supportive people in my life than not. I hope that by being a good doula and a good person, I can change the minds of those who are "doula haters"....because every woman needs to feel comfortable while she's having a baby, and a doula-hating nurse and a doula do not mix.

Yes. I'm an Atheist.

2011-06-03T17:16:00.000-10:00

Atheism is, in a broad sense, the rejection of belief in the existence of deities.^[1] In a narrower sense, atheism is specifically the position that there are no deities.^[2] Most inclusively, atheism is simply the absence of belief that any deities exist.^[3] Atheism is contrasted with theism,^[4]^[5] which in its most general form is the belief that at least one deity exists

That description is taken straight from Wikipedia (so excuse the links and the notations). I am an Atheist. I do not believe in any God. I do not practice anything religious. I do not celebrate religious holidays (how they are celebrated for any particular religion.) I celebrate Christmas, which to me, is a holiday of giving and spending time with your friends and family, not Jesus' birthday. I celebrate Easter, with egg dying and candy, not the rising of Jesus from the dead. I do not attend church or read from a bible of any sort. We do own two religious books. Da Jesus Book and The Qur'an.

I became an Atheist about 10 years ago. My parents went to church before I was born. I was blessed or something after I was born (not baptized). I went to a Christian school for preschool and kindergarten. After a long break from church, I started going to church with my mom on a weekly basis. There was a time when I thought I believed in God, but I wasn't sure. There was a lot of back and forth on my part with religion. There were too many unanswered questions and I wasn't too keen on listening to some guy in the sky that no one had ever seen. I didn't like the idea of living my life as dictated by some people who wrote a book. I was conflicted in the fact that this book and these people said things were a certain way, yet science has proven time and time again that things were a completely different way. After my mom said I didn't have to go to church with her anymore (I was notorious for falling asleep during the sermon) I continued to try to have faith. I read my teen bible that my mom had bought me. I continued to try to believe in something I couldn't see.

Ultimately, I came to my own conclusion that I was not a Christian. I did not believe in God. In fact, I did not believe that any deity existed...in any shape or form.

Another reason I am put off by religion, especially Christianity, is because of the...well...let's face it...the nut jobs like the Westboro Baptist Church. The people who believe that their way is the only right way. The people who kill and harass other people because of their life style or their religious beliefs. The people who disrespect people who don't have the same beliefs as they do. Those people turn me off from Christianity and religion. The people who believe that gays and lesbians aren't entitled to the same treatment as heterosexuals. The people who believe life starts at conception and that abortion should be illegal. The racists. The pedophiles. The people who use religion as an excuse to do horrible things. (Please note that I am all for people having opinions...what I am NOT all for is people using the bible to make ridiculous accusations and hate on people for NO REASON.)

I am not saying that religious people are inherently bad. Both my mom and mother in law are Christians. I love and respect them both. Personally, I think my mom is epitome of a good Christian woman. I really do. And I love and respect her for that. I don't tell her on the phone that being a Christian is stupid, because I respect her and her right as a person to believe what she wants. While she may not like my choices or beliefs, she does not disrespect me. She doesn't tell me that I'm ridiculous for believing there is no God.

There is a certain stigma behind being an Atheist. Most Christians think that Atheists are bad people. That we have no morals. I can tell you that is not the case. Sure, some Atheists are bad. So are some Christians....along with Muslims, Hindus, Catholics, and Wiccans. Bad people are just bad people, but not entire religious groups. I try my hardest to live a moral life...I don't cheat on my taxes (though that's mostly in part because I have no taxes to cheat on since I don't work. Ha!), I don't go around stealing or assaulting people. I think I'm a generally nice person...though I do have a tendency to get a little irritated when people are ignorant and I put my foot down and make my opinions known....but that's not because I'm an Atheist, that's because I have a lot of opinions. I try to raise my kids to be happy, healthy individuals who can contribute to society.

“No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God.” -- George H.W. Bush

That's my deal. I'm an Atheist. I try to be the best person I can be. And I'm sorry if you think that me not believing in God is offensive. It is not my intention to try to offend you....and if you are offended by my lack of faith, then maybe you should do a little more soul searching and get better acquainted with yours. Personally, I believe that if you are offended by the fact that I am an Atheist, then you aren't very secure in your religion.

The bottom line? Please show me some respect. No, your preaching and telling me this or that about God isn't going to magically make me a believer. Telling me that I'm wrong or that I'm going to hell isn't going to make me a believer. In fact, the likelihood that I will stop talking to you is significantly higher if you do these things. I don't tell you that there is absolutely no God because I believe that religion is something that people need to come to their own conclusions about. I respect your right as a person to believe whatever you want, and I would expect the same from you. I won't pretend that I'm not an Atheist. I am an Atheist through and through...I even got a tattoo....its on my arm for all to see. It says "infidel" in Arabic.

in·fi·del (nf-dl, -dl)
n.
1. Offensive An unbeliever with respect to a particular religion, especially Christianity or Islam.
2. One who has no religious beliefs.
3. One who doubts or rejects a particular doctrine, system, or principle.

I am an Atheist, and very proud of it.

New Post Coming Soon

2011-06-03T11:47:00.001-10:00

I haven't posted in awhile. I'll post soon, I have loads to talk about!

I'm gonna whore myself out a little bit.....

2011-05-20T09:45:00.000-10:00

So the other day, Blogger went down for maintenance. Just as I was finishing up an update about my super secret news. Which got deleted. *sigh* So I'll have to rewrite it sooner or later. I have a couple things that I want to get around to writing about (and soon my super secret news...), but for right now, I'm going to do a shameless business plug.

So if you read my blog, you'll know that I am well on my way to becoming a doula. The only thing standing in my way right now is my births, which I have two lined up for later this month and in July. I've got almost all my reading done (literally, I am on the last part of a couple of books), and I need to do a survey of the childbirth classes available in my area, but I am this close to getting my certification.

I took a big leap and already started getting things ready for my own small business. I still get all excited thinking about the fact that I am going to own a small business. So I figured out a name...which I was stressing over for a really long time...but ya know, the thing about stuff like that, is it just comes to you. Which it did this time. I started thinking about what I wanted to do as a doula, and my personal goal is to make sure mama is as calm as she can be. So!

Calm Mama Doula Services!! (you can find my website at that link)
Calm Mama Doula Services Facebook business page

You can also find me on twitter @calmmamadoula.

I know right?! Aren't you excited too?!? I've been trying to make a list of all the stuff I need for an information binder for my clients to borrow during their time as my client. I'm also trying to put together my intake and confidentiality forms. I also have business cards that I need to get printed!!

I also have a ton of ~~not~~ fun business things to take care of...like signing up for an LLC (or obtaining?), and getting a business bank account, and getting everything set up so I can have a productive business. I also have to figure out how I'm going to pay for some things that I want for my "doula bag".....I found some awesome stuff at this website called Your Doula Bag, which I'll probably be buying from (and after my certification I can write off as a business expense!).

So you guys, if you read my blog, go like my fan page for my doula business! If you have any friends living on Oahu, who are pregnant and looking for a doula, point them my way! I know that not all doulas and clients fit together -- it's just like building a relationship.

I'm just so flipping excited!

OH! And can I just say how much I ADORE my husband for being so supportive of what I'm doing? Technically, he's helped me get my certifying clients, which I very much appreciate. He's been pimpin my business on his facebook. He's been helping me with reviewing my forms and information. He even sat down and helped me make my business cards! Aren't I super lucky?! The answer is yes. Yes I am.

So there it is!! Almost the official start of my new doula business. I know the business isn't going to be pouring in right away...which is fine with me...it'll give me some time to get everything together. Plus, I don't want a bombarded business...I want to be able to function, and still be able to spend time with my family.

I can't wait to share with you my super secret news guys, and I can't wait to get started on my doula venture.

<3

Two Kisses for Maddy

2011-05-11T09:41:00.002-10:00

Yesterday, a friend posted a status on Facebook about the book she was reading. After a couple posts back and forth, I went and checked out the blog of one Matt Logelin over at his blog, matt, liz and madeline. For those of you who are unfamiliar with his blog, he writes about the love of his life, the birth of his daughter, and the untimely death of the mother of his child, just before she was supposed to meet their daughter for the first time.

His book is basically an extension of his blog...he goes through the meeting of his wife, their life together, finding out that she was pregnant, the birth of their daughter, and ultimately the death of his wife. He writes about the struggles he faced as not only a widower, but as a single dad. It's called Two Kisses for Maddy.

When I heard about this book, I had never heard of Matt's blog before. But I read the back story, which you can read on his website if you follow the "haven't been here before" tab. I cried. After reading a couple of posts, I decided to put even more money on my credit card to buy the e-book. (Which, I'll be honest...I love my e-reader, and appreciate that my husband bought it for me, but nothing can possibly compare to holding a real book in your hands -- plus, you look uber smart with a bookcase overflowing with books instead of a nifty little hand-held device with books on it.)

Two Kisses for Maddy

The book is short....well...short in my mind...at only 242 pages. It was a quick read (for me) and I finished it in just a few hours. I'll admit, I'm not usually one to read the sappy books, especially if its a true story. When I read, I like to be taken away to a fantasy place with fantasy people. I don't like to be reminded that bad things happen to good people. I don't like to read a book, knowing that someone went through all of these things. But this book was good. This book was different. This wasn't a self help book, but a very real, very raw glimpse into the life of one man, who gained a daughter and lost a wife, all in the span of 27 hours. This man, who was in a great deal of pain rose up to the challenge of keeping the spirit of his wife alive for their newborn daughter. He took it as a personal mission to let his daughter know what a special woman her mama was. All while dealing with the funeral arrangements, friends and family, and the death of the woman that he loved with all his heart.

I'm not big on writing book reviews. If I like a book, I'll recommend it to friends who ask for book suggestions. But rarely to I flat out say "go read this book". But this was different....and I think it's because everyone, at some time or another, wonders what would happen if the love of their life died, especially if you still have young kids at home. I've probably thought about it more than most people, just based on the fact that my husband has been and will continue to be put in dangerous situations. Every time he leaves our house to go do something for the Army, there is always a chance he won't come back. Reading this book hit those nerves inside me that are specifically set aside for deployment times. It was hard enough to read it with him sleeping right next to me, where I knew he was safe and sound, and I'm glad that I didn't decide to read this book during a deployment where those feelings are always at the surface.

This book, this glimpse into the life of a man with so much love, is heart wrenching. I cried through about half of the book. I laughed at a couple spots. I looked at my husband while he slept and I stayed up (late) reading (which I have a tendency to do if I find a book that's worth it) and thought about what I would do if my husband was suddenly ripped from my life. How would I react? Where would I go? What would I do? How would I tell the girls that their daddy was gone? How would I make sure that they had a strong male role model (or 5 or 10?)

Or what if it was me? How would Brad deal with it? Would he raise the girls how I would have? Would he remind them how much I loved them, and would he tell them all about our life together? Would he make sure their hair was perfectly and their clothes were matching? Would he bring them home to visit all their relatives and make sure that they were surrounded by love?

Obviously the answer is, of course he would. If either one of us was just suddenly gone, we would each do the best we could to make sure that our girls knew their other parent loved them. And to keep the spirit of that person alive.

We are very lucky to have the family that we do. Not just our immediate families....not just moms and dads, brothers and sister...we have an amazing extended family. Not just our aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents, but our friends, who are so close, they are like our family. We have strong, amazing men in our lives who would be there to help the girls if Brad was gone. We have equally strong, amazing women in our lives who would be there in a heart beat to help if I was gone.

This book made me so thankful that I have what I do. And it makes my heart break for this man and his little girl, because she will never get to know the amazing woman her daddy loved.

So. In short, read this book. Make sure you have some tissues.

Guilty of Being a Helicopter Parent

2011-05-03T11:10:00.000-10:00

Over at The Deranged Housewife's blog today, she posted about "Free-Range Kids". She posed the question on her facebook:

Are you totally "free range," a helicopter parent or somewhere in the middle?

photo from journeyerschronicles.com

I thought about it as I read her blog...and answered that I'm more of a "helicopter parent" than I would like to be. With Reilly being my first born, and being a first time mom with her, I've always been a little overly protective of her. I used to scoop her up at every little boo-boo or bump and cuddle her till she felt better. I don't really let her move too far away from me...I want her to be in my eye sight, and me in hers, at all times. While my mom and sister-in-law were here, we went to the Aloha Stadium swap meet. I was with my sister-in-law, Trish, Reilly and Ophelia. Reilly said that she wanted to go see grandma, who was probably about 5 booths down or so. I said okay, and I watched her walk down into the booth that she was in. A few minutes later, she was no where to be found! I flipped out...my heart was beating really fast, I was worried...I couldn't find my baby! There were so many people there, and I didn't know any of them, or if they had any intentions that weren't good.

It was scary! Eventually we found her...she had walked out of the booth my mom was in to come back to me and Trish. I yanked her arm and we stepped aside to talk about WHY we ABSOLUTELY DO NOT walk away from people without telling them. I was furious and scared. I asked her what would happen if someone swiped her, and how that would make everyone feel! We agreed that everyone would be sad and worried if we didn't know where she was, and she would be scared.

The idea of letting Reilly walk out our front door with her little bike and helmet and going for a joy ride up and down the block terrifies me. The idea of letting her go run off and play with other kids makes me wanna barf. There are so many things that scare me about letting her be a "free-range kid". I'm scared that someone is just gonna yank her off the street. Just the other day, down the road from us, some guy just grabbed a little four year old girl out of her front yard. Just reached over the fence and grabbed her! He said that the little girl "looked like" his own four year old daughter...I'm sorry...but no. You know what your child looks like. He was just trying to swipe a little kid. This was literally a mile or less away from our home. Now, how scary is that shit, right?

I want to be able to give Reilly a little more freedom...she's getting older. When I was a little older than her, I would stay out as late as I possibly could with my neighbors, playing around where ever, riding our bikes in the neighborhood, never a worry on my mind. I remember one summer staying in a cold pool so long that my knees turned blue. I used to be able to do that....and now...it doesn't feel so safe. It's not that I don't trust my kid...I do...I don't trust anyone else though. I don't even trust other kids...because lets face it...other kids are mean and sneaky now!

I know I can't continue to be a "helicopter parent" for the rest of my life...I know eventually I'll have to let my kids do things by themselves. I know one day, Reilly will be okay riding her bike down to the park and I can trust her to come back in safe condition. I'm confident that I can teach her to avoid bad situations and people. But when does that start? When do I let the leash go a little bit, and let her do things herself without me there? How to a become okay with myself and her ability to be a "big kid", and not stress over it?

I know that down the road, there will be other things along this same line that I'll worry about...I'll worry when she starts driving and stays out past her curfew...which...she's my kid...she'll do it eventually. I'll be worried when she doesn't call me when she's supposed to, or when she's not where she said she was going to be. And I'll cross that road when I get there...but right now, I'm just worried about how to transition from my baby being a baby to a big kid, and how to deal with that.

Mamas (and daddies) -- how have you dealt with letting your child venture out? What do you think is an appropriate age to give them a little more freedom? And how do you calm your anxiety about it?

I Have Some Great News....

2011-04-18T17:19:00.000-10:00

I have some great, fantastic, amazingly awesome news.

That I can't share.

I know, aren't you sad too? But I can't share my news just yet. And it's important that I don't share quite yet. I want to...I really want to do. I want to scream it from the roof tops because I am so excited about this adventure we're about to embark upon, as a family.

Go ahead and make your guesses...I'm sure there is already tons of speculation from my friends on facebook (minus those that I HAVE told, which have been only a few). But there are so many things it could be, that honestly, it's so up in the air that I bet you probably can't guess, which is exactly how I want it. I could tell everyone who has asked, but it is honestly in the best interest of my entire family for me to keep it quiet. So I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone's feelings, but really, this is for the best.

However, I will be able to talk about it soon, so no worries. It's a huge event in our lives, and I feel like I should talk about it...to either explain myself or just discuss the matter, or a little of both. So expect some updates about whats going on in our family, and how it is going to get more awesomer. (Yes, that's not a word, I know)

So yay! Expect that readers. Expect. That. *said like Antoine Dodson*

In other news, I got an email back from my trainer for the doula class regarding the rough draft of my communication assignment. Overall, she thought I did a great job, and just wanted me to elaborate on a couple points, like why I felt like I wouldn't be able handle contractions, and the like. So tonight or tomorrow, I'll be elaborating a smidge, and submitting my final draft. I was worried about how the trainer would react to the paper, since they have their own format for the paper, but I feel really good knowing that she thinks I did a great job. *phew*

That's it for today readers. I've been trying to blog a little bit more, and now that I have exciting new topics to blog about (soon! soon, I promise!), I'll be doing that a lot more.

Mrs. Obie - The (soon-to-be) Doula

2011-04-15T15:21:00.000-10:00

Since the beginning of March, I've been working (slowly, but surely) towards obtaining my doula certification through Childbirth International. I've been looking into becoming a doula for quite some time now, and I WAS going to start up before I had Ophelia, but I decided to wait until she was older, since I was looking into taking the program DONA offered, and I would have had to be gone for 8 hours a day for a weekend to a workshop. Which...I didn't really like...but alright. So I found CBI (Childbirth International) after some research online. This program is awesome for a SAHM like me. It's 100% online, aside from one childbirth class that I have to observe, and the two births that I have to attend.

I'm VERY excited that I started this class. The last couple weeks have been a little difficult...Ophelia has been crawling around the house like crazy and she's been needing extra attention lately. Not to mention my mom and sister-in-law were here for a week. But, I love being able to do this on my free time. And I love that I don't have to be gone for a long period of time to go take a workshop (though, taking a workshop later on down the line as a refresher is always an option). If all school could be done 100% online, I would be super happy. (Not possible, I know, but still...)

So I'm about a third of the way through the course right now. I just turned in my communication assignment. We had to follow their model of describing, talking about our feelings, our actions, and other choices we could make if in a situation like this is in the future. I found it utterly exhausting to do. I didn't realize how irritated I was with some points in Ophelia's birth. It was very informative for me to write though. I honestly did find out a lot about myself, and how I experienced Ophelia's birth. Also, my amazing husband shared with me how he felt during the whole experience...which was amazing for me. Though we love each other, and we talk, he doesn't always share his feelings with me. Which is fine. It really is...I don't try to get him all emotional and "feelingy" with me. But when its something like Ophelia's birth...I really appreciate that he shared that with me. So that was fun. So I turned that in...my instructor is going to get back to me. I hope I did well enough that I don't have to completely redo the assignment. It was almost 8 pages long if you can believe that. If you read my birth story on my blog, it was no where NEAR 8 pages...like I said, it took a lot out of me...not just because I've been tired lately, but because writing about emotions, especially with something like the birth of your child...it was just emotionally tiring.

But its done...now to move on to the more physical parts of labor and delivery...which should be fun! I'm pretty excited about that.

On a different, but some-what related note, I have THE best husband in the world. I was asking him the other day if there were any couple pregnant in his unit. He said there was one that he knew of. The day after we talked about that, apparently he had a huge long discussion with the dad-to-be about how awesome natural childbirth is, and how great having a doula can be. *Swoon*. What wife WOULDN'T appreciate that?! Well, I mean, as long as you were passionate about natural childbirth/doulas and were on your way to becoming a certified doula and wanted to ultimately become a midwife. Unless you were one of THOSE wives, you probably wouldn't appreciate it. But seriously, I was just so proud of him and so thankful that he takes how I feel about NCB (natural childbirth) and doulas seriously, and thinks the same, otherwise, he wouldn't have said anything...right? Right. So I'm so, so happy about that little thing that happened. It was just...seriously...swoon-worthy.

I'll try to keep my blog updated with the goings-on of my doula class. I am so very excited about this venture. I really am. I think its great that I'm doing this now, while Ophelia is little, instead of going into nursing to start with my midwife stuff.

much love!

Why I Can't Win as a Mom

2011-04-12T09:28:00.000-10:00

All moms (okay, the majority of moms) and dads want to do the very best that they can for their children. Some of us moms, take the extra step and buy organic, natural, good things for our children. It's not easy to find great things for out children to use...especially in this economy because generally, those things are really expensive.

After a conversation with my best friend this morning about Aquafresh Training Toothpaste (designed for babies 3-24 months), and being curious as to how good it is for kids that little to be using toothpaste, she pointed me to a website called Cosmetics Database, where they rate how good a product is for you to use based on the ingredients. It's on a scale of 0-10, 0 being the best and 10 being the worst.

I looked up the current shampoo/body wash that I use for Ophelia, which scored a 4-5. Now, a 4-5 out of 10 doesn't seem too bad...but if you were to grade it in school, that would be an F.

Now, a bottle of Yes! To Baby Carrots Shampoo, which costs about $8 or so, will last me MONTHS. Literally. I bathe Ophelia two-three times a week, and so far, the first bottle that I bought her still has a good couple of months left, and she'll be 7 months old this week. I picked out one of the bottles that Cosmetics Database rates a 0, called Baby Poof, is an 8.5oz bottle for $13 a pop. 8.5oz doesn't really last all that long. Probably a couple of months? So, for almost twice the money, which I'd be spending every 2-3 months instead of almost a year. I'd be spending over $50 for the best of the best that I can do for my baby (with shipping to Hawaii and tax, if applicable). Now, I'm not sure about you guys, but I can't be spending $100 a year on shampoo for both the girls. With the economy the way it is, and living on this little tiny island, the only way to get things to me is by airplane. And with the inflation of gas prices, it costs a ton to get things shipped out here.

So how can I be expected to do the very best for my kids that I can, without going broke?! Especially since we are a one income family, living off post and paying for everything (rent, utilities, tv/internet, cell phones, plus groceries and gas, which is an abomination that I won't even get into right now.).

After reading "Spit That Out!" by Paige Wolf, I've come to see that I shouldn't be worrying about buying everything organic or natural, not vaccinating, buying plastic toys, etc, because if I were to do everything like that, all the time, and worry continually about what I'm using to wash my kids, or what their clothes are made of, or what goes in their tummies, I would be an anxiety ridden mess. And no doubt I'd be filing for bankruptcy, and possibly getting a divorce from spending all my husbands hard earned money. The book makes a point to do things the very best that you can, without losing your shit.

But we obviously can't win as parents. Something is always bad for you, something is always going to cause you cancer, or disable or disfigure you somehow...its tiring. Its tiring to know so much information. It's tiring to try to keep your family safe and healthy.

So I've come to the conclusion that I can't do it all....I can only do the best I can, and leave it at that. And I think that's all we can do as parents. So if you are an anxiety ridden mama, trying to do the best for your kids, and you feel like you're failing...just remember to do the absolute best you can. Make compromises. But don't over analyze everything...because you're going to be stressed out, and broke.

But regardless. We still can't win as parents.

Mother Nature -- She's a Bitch

2011-03-11T11:34:00.000-10:00

As we are all aware (hopefully), there was a magnitude 8.9 earthquake yesterday that rocked Japan. Aftershocks are still following the massive quake -- there have been hundreds. A tsunami hit and devastated the country. I am deeply saddened by this whole situation, and the people of Japan, and people I know who live there are continually in my thoughts.

Japan

The state of Hawaii, where we live, issued a tsunami warning around 9:30pm last night. People were rushing out to fill their cars with gas, and hitting up 24 hour grocery stores to stock up on non-perishable food and bottled water. We didn't. The zones closest to the shore line were evacuated. The tsunami was scheduled to hit the island of Oahu at about 3:21am.

Diamond Head Reef -- which drained about 5 times before I finally fell asleep. It was seriously eery.

I'll be honest, I went from "nahhh, nothing is going to happen" mentality to "oh shit, we're fucked" in about an hour. I flipped out. Brad probably thought I was completely over reacting, and maybe I was (okay, I was) but natural disasters are no fucking joke. The only natural disaster I've ever been in was an earthquake in Washington in...2001, that was a 6.8 magnitude quake. I was going over to my boyfriends house after getting all my classes for the next trimester, and as I was getting ready to step in the door, the quake hit. It was scary, but it was over before I even knew it, and there was hardly any damage...1 person died due to a stress related heart condition, and about 400 people had reported injuries. That was the only natural disaster that I've ever been in, and to tell you the truth, the word "tsunami" never popped into my mind when we were getting ready to move here, but last night really made me reevaluate our emergency preparedness....of which we have none. I scrambled around the house for forty-five minutes to an hour, gathering clothes and diapers for us (the diapers were just for Ophelia), and any non-perishable food I could find (which we have little of), and try to fill some jugs with water. I finally managed to gather about two sets of clothes for each of us, and the food, which consisted of crackers, tortillas, cereal, Reilly snacks, chips, bread and peanut butter. Oh and a couple of huge cans of fruit. You can tell how prepared we were.

Fire in Japan

Luckily for us, unless there is an earthquake that causes a tsunami right next to us, we will have at least a couple hours before anything hits us. But this made me realize that we are not prepared at all, and if we needed to be evacuate, we would have to rush to gather things we need, and in that rush, I can guarantee that we would grab everything. So now my new project is to slowly gather things for a disaster kit. This is from FEMA for a disaster kit. I suggest that everyone make one. There are also places you can buy one, but I think making one to better suit your families needs is better, while using a list as a guideline. Really, I do encourage everyone to make one. Even if you don't think you'll need it. Plus, it might come in handy for a zombie apocalypse. Just sayin.

Sunken house in Japan

You never know what could happen with a natural disaster. Mother nature is a crafty, crazy, unpredictable bitch, and we need to be prepared for what she has in store, even if that means putting together a box that we may never use. Well, that we hope we'll never have to use anyway.

Tsunami strength path. Hawaii is about at 220 and 0. (There abouts, not exact)

So friends and family, please, take precautions for any natural disaster...tsunami, earthquake, flood, hurricane...whatever it may be. Make sure you provide things for your family.

Also, if you feel the need to help out in Japan's time of need, you can text REDCROSS to 90999 and donate $10 to relieve for Japan. You don't have to, but the Red Cross is doing the same thing they did with Haiti (which I donated money to, and probably will again). And yes, it's legit. I looked on the Red Cross website.

Taking A Break...

2011-02-28T15:10:00.000-10:00

So I know I posted yesterday about how I've been on hiatus and I'm oh so sorry, but I'll be back right?

Well, sorry to disappoint (if I'm even doing that), but because of the lovely Sayward Rebhal over at Bonzai Aphrodite , I will be taking a month long break from the internet. Okay, not a complete and total break from the internet, but I'm limiting myself to about an hour a day; checking my email and facebook in the morning and then in the evening, and then I can go online for however long it takes me to do my weekly menus. (And possibly doing school work for the doula class that I am hopefully going to be signing up for this week that is 100% online...obviously I can't ignore the internet if I'm doing school work right??)

I spend the majority of my day with my laptop on and open to facebook and I usually have about 8 tabs open on my browser as well. Even when there is nothing to do! I waste A LOT of time. Seriously...a lot. So I'm taking a break. I know, I know, I'm sad too, but with my family coming to visit in just a short couple weeks, I need to concentrate on my house and my family and less on my computer and the internet. If it wouldn't break my heart, I would just cut our internet all together (and plus, I don't want to make the husband sad by cutting off his xbox live...)

I'll update you all when I get back at the beginning of April. In the next month, we're having my mom and my sister in law visit, and Reilly turns 5!!!!! FIVE PEOPLE!! She turns FIVE.

(PS - I'll still be uploading pictures from my phone, I'm totally sure. I have friends and family that need to see my cutie patootie girls!!)

So farewell intrawebs. Farewell (tomorrow).

I LOVE YOU INTERNETS!!!

Hiatus

2011-02-26T12:16:00.002-10:00

I've obviously been on a blogging hiatus. Sad, I know. I'll be back soon though, I promise!

Making a Multifunctional Playroom

2011-02-01T19:50:00.000-10:00

So this is what our playroom currently looks like. Kinda sorta. There are dots all over the wall by the chalkboard. And there is a whole other part of the room just to the left of that bookcase. But there isn't anything there other than a big pile of books that came down from my bedroom about pregnancy, and a box full of Ophelia's toys and books. So really, there isn't anything going on in my playroom.

Since we've moved here, I've had visions of putting a comfy chair or small loveseat in that room to make it have a little more of a grown up feel to it.

So I've been looking all over Craigslist for a nice looking and CHEAP chair or loveseat.

This is the chair I found. Nothing spectacular. Brown in color. Plain. It was $85, so it didn't cost a whole bunch. Just a nice little chair. Brad SHOULD be picking it up soon. So this is the chair. I'm waiting for it to get here so I can evaluate what colors I can use with it. Right now I'm thinking plum and cream as main colors...but we'll see I guess.

Since I think every piece of furniture needs either a table or ottoman, I'm looking for a cheap and junky (but functional) coffee table so I can Make an Upholstered Ottoman in my color choice! Seems simple enough right? Then I'll just add a side table and BAM! Got myself a nice little reading nook.

But that's totally not all. Previous to moving, we bought these shelves to use as part of a TV stand...unfortunately, we could only use one due to the space that we had. So I have that thing that I'm planning to put under the smaller of the two windows in the reading nook to use for storange -- books, magazines, blankets, what have you. I'm also going to have my mom see if she can find any chair cushions in the as-is section at Ikea the next time they go. I saw this post about using the cushions as a cheapy dog bed. Since we don't have any dogs, I'm going to make some to use as my own floor and bench thingy pillows. That isn't all -- I'm considering making these Floor Poofs or these Floor Cushions. I have yet to decide, but I have so many options!

Next. I want to kind of put a wall between the reading nook and the playroom. Not completely closed off or anything like that. But I want to definitely give at least the illusion of separation. So remember that bookcase in the very first picture? {Go ahead and scroll up, I'll wait....} Okay, you see that big huge bookcase? I'm going to turn that around so that the book spines are facing the front of the house. On the back of that bookcase, I'm going to put some pretty paper or something, followed by a piece of plywood or particle board, and then some cork board. That cock board is going to be facing the play room side of the room, so Reilly (and eventually, Ophelia) will be able to put her pictures up on board to show off. I'll also have some storage on the side of the bookcase that isn't up against the wall for toys and stuff too.

Then, the playroom side will be super fun. I'm going to put in a built in desk, just like this with one exception. I'm going to put it in the corner. I'm going to cut out two holes in the top and put in little metal tins for Reilly's markers and pencils and crayons. Underneath I'm going to add some storage...I haven't quite decided what exactly yet, but it's going to be storage for Reilly's coloring books and paper and stuff like that. Probably add a garbage can and some kind of lighting as well.

Next task is to figure out some storage for Reilly's board games, puzzles, and random little toys that she keeps in the play room. And storage for Ophelia's things as well. That's where her play mats and little toys and her exersaucer are to be stored. (PS! If you have storage ideas for board games, puzzles, crap like that, PLEASE let me know and send me links! I'm looking for ways to store everything).

Here's a little rough layout (yea, I did it on Paint. Sue me!) for you to look at and see where the things will lay. I know, it looks like a disaster. I'm well aware that I have zero artistic skills. See that white space up there on the right hand side? That's where storage is going to go. It's sloped down because thats wall is where our stairs are.

So check that shit out! How excited are you for me?! Seriously, I am stoked. I'll continue to post on the progress I'm making. Like I was telling Brad a week or so ago -- our house feels like home, but it's never felt homey. It's just kind of put together and it holds all our things where the should be. I'm just so excited to do something DIFFERENT with our house. Playroom/reading nook is going to be first -- then I'm going to be tackling the kitchen. I'm excited for that as well!

Be back to posting soon. Promise!

What's In Your Bag??

2011-01-18T08:52:00.000-10:00

As promised, my What's In Your Bag post.

Seriously -- if you have an doubts that people like to see whats in other people's bag, go to google and google "what's in your bag" and click on images. Seriously. Do it.

my bag: made for me by my Aunt Cheryl!

Okay so, here's my bag. It's pretty basic. And super cute.

An inside view....I know, my camera put the outside in focus, but not the inside. It's not organized AT ALL and it just has stuff shoved in there. I've never been a fan of organized purses. I LOVE just blindly shoving my hand in there and touch searching for what I'm looking for. I do it all the time. Even if I actually look in it, I still have to touch search.

Here's everything all laid out. My purse wasn't actually THAT full this time around. Shocking. But I know you all are laughing at the ridiculous shit right? Right.

Close up. What's in this picture?:
1-my wallet.
2- my cell phone, which I left in my purse all night, with an unimportant missed call
3-SOPHIE! (she squeaks when I walk sometimes)
4-Fig Newtons. I grabbed them as a snack for Reilly on Saturday when we did some running around
5-a random hair tie
6-tube of Carmex. Never leave home w/out one
7-a bottle of hand sanitizer.

And on this side:
1- Receipts. One from the post office (I bought tape) and one from Whole foods
2-Address of whole foods (to put in our GPS)
3-baby rings. I think I had more than 2 in there at one point, but right now, its just the two.
4-last weeks grocery list. With most everything crossed off.
5-My planner. Seriously, I try not to leave home without it. I have things to write down. Plus, it gives me something to do while we're driving, since I have that stupid little phone.
6-More hand sanitizer. I would say that I have a problem, but that is the lotion kind. It helps keep the hands from drying out from using too much regular hand sanitizer.

So there you have it. What's in my purse.

That was fun right?! Right.

What's In Your Bag? Pre-game.

2011-01-17T22:18:00.000-10:00

Okay, so I recently (today!) found this new blog that I {adore} to the max. Nice Girl Notes. She's highly entertaining and is a mommy and wife and I just love, love, love her.

I'd be her real life friend if I could -- that's how much I just adore her blog.

So since I stumbled upon her blog, I've been reading back entries (like I do when I find a blog I like) and I found this one from back in September. I know, I know, I'm about 4 months too late. Sue me, I had just had a baby.

But now I want to do it because...well...it looks fun.

So tomorrow, what I'm gonna do is take pictures of my purse. I know....it sounds boring right? You'd be surprised what people on the internet will look at. I mean, look at all the porn that's out there, and then tell me my purse isn't more interesting than naked girls flashing their hoo-haas around.

Back to the topic -- tomorrow, I am taking a picture of what is in my purse.

Aren't you excited? You should be. Really. Be excited.

You never know what you're going to find in there. Sometimes I'm even shocked!

Stay tuned!

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Dip -- a cooking post

2011-01-17T21:15:00.000-10:00

I seriously almost peed my pants when I stumbled across this little gem. (Using stumble! for Firefox no less!)

It's from How Sweet It Is. A fun little blog.

Anyway, it's a pretty easy recipe. Very minimal work honestly.

There's only three things I would change:

1- Honestly, I would add less cream cheese. Not that it's bad with the whole amount, but it was VERY cream cheesey. But again, not in a bad way.
2- I would get a whole slew of things to put it on/dip in it...fruit (apples would be a great choice), Nilla Waffers, things like that.
3- I would wear bigger pants.

Cookie Dough Dip
makes about 1 1/2 cups
1/2 cup butter
1/3 cup brown sugar
1 8-ounce block of cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cups chocolate chips
Melt butter in a small saucepan over medium heat. Add brown sugar and whisk until sugar dissolves and mixture starts to bubble. Set aside to cool, and whisk in vanilla.
Cream together cream cheese and powdered sugar for 60 seconds. With mixer on low speed, add in brown sugar and butter mixture. Mix until combined.
Garnish with additional chopped chocolate. Serves with fruit, cookies, crackers, pretzels or a spoon.

						I feel like I'm going to explode after eating that bowl with Brad.
oh.my.god.

yea, my eyes are closed. its better than the blurred version

If anyone makes it with less cream cheese than the recipe calls for, let me know. I'd like to know if it makes a difference. Just be aware...it's yummy and absolutely horrible for you.

Enjoy!

Why I don't let my baby cry...

2011-01-12T10:08:00.000-10:00

Every baby cries. It's just something that goes along with having a baby. They cry when they are hungry, cold, tired, too hot, need to be changed...babies cry for a lot of reasons since they don't have the language down yet. It's how they let mom and dad know that they NEED something.

After months and months of long nights, and being sleep deprived, moms and dads are generally at the end of their ropes. I know, I've been there. That's when the advice starts in. "Let your baby just cry in his/her crib. It's okay." "I did the [insert method type here] method, and it worked perfectly for us! Now so and so just goes to sleep and sleeps all night!"

While, IN THEORY, we'd all love for there to just be something magical that happens that makes babies sleep through the night and not cry. I would have loved it with Reilly, and I would love it now with Ophelia. Tons of different doctors have written books on how to get your baby to sleep though the night with different CIO (cry it out) methods, and people who use said methods claim that they work.

The Ferber Method tells parents to leave their baby in his/her room, and check on them periodically, until they fall asleep, starting with small time frames, and working your way up. (ie - check on your baby after 3 mins, then 5 mins, then 10 mins, until your baby falls asleep.) In theory, this could work without letting your baby cry. But those of us with babies know that if they are upset and NEED something, they are crying (read: not fussing) before those three minutes are up. Ophelia can go from happy to sweaty crying in a minute. (Usually in the car). I honestly don't know many parents that can handle their child crying for three minutes when they know that there is something that they can do about it.

Gary Ezzo (read: not a doctor) created a method called Babywise. He created (along with his wife) a parent-directed routine for babies. Suggesting that they have a strict schedule of eating, sleeping and play time. Here is an excerpt from the website:

Babywise presents a parent-directed schedule or "routine" for nursing, napping and wake-times to give parents control over their baby's day. The Ezzos believe this promotes character formation in the infant by giving the baby experience in delayed gratification and submission to parental direction. By contrast, they have portrayed demand feeding of infants as a dangerous, child-centered practice which indulges undisciplined desires for instant gratification.

I'm sure you all read that and this weird contorted facial expression came over your face, and if we had word bubbles, yours (and mine) would probably be censored. I have the biggest problem with this guy. His methods have been linked to failure to thrive and poor weight gain in infants because he preaches that feeding your baby on demand is spoiling them and that your children are trying to manipulate you by crying. To be honest, I have considered testing the pediatricians that see Ophelia and asking them if they have anything to try to get her to sleep through the night and see if they recommend this guy. Thankfully the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics), as of the late 90's, has stated that this isn't a healthy method to follow. (Here is a resource link filled with good info: http://www.rickross.com/reference/gfi/gfi5.html)

Personally, I've never used a CIO method. I never let my babies CIO. I think the first time I let Reilly "cry herself to sleep" was when she was about 19-20 months old. By that time, she knew it was bedtime. She knew I was there. She was just fighting it. Within 5 minutes of letting her "CIO", she was asleep. I wouldn't even consider it CIO....She was standing in her playpen, "yelling" at me, stomping her feet, and just refusing to lay down. Once she laid down though, she was out. We've never had a problem with Reilly needing to be cuddled to sleep or sleep in my bed for long periods of time...she just goes to sleep. And she's a great sleeper.

The point is, babies cry. They cry because they NEED something. My baby...my 4 month old baby...isn't trying to manipulate me. Hell, Reilly didn't even try to start manipulating me until she was about 3. If you think that its okay to just let your baby cry, even after all their basic needs (ie: hunger, warmth, diaper) have been met, you are just plain wrong. A basic need for infants consists also of being close to mom and dad. Getting cuddled. Being held. Sometimes, babies just want to be held....to be close. Ophelia does it all the time. Yea, she has periods of the day where she is perfectly content hanging out in her swing, or laying on her play mat or the couch and just playing. But other times of the day (mostly at night) she just wants to be loved on. And why should I deny my baby something that can so easily be given, just to do things around the house?

my sleeping baby. fell asleep WITHOUT crying.

A lot of mom's and dad's get defensive when you bring up the fact that babies shouldn't be left to just cry. I have a theory as to why. When we leave our babies to cry, it tugs at our heart strings. When Ophelia (or even Reilly still) cries, I physically hurt. All I want to do is cuddle her till she can't be cuddled anymore. And sure it gets frustrating (especially those babies with colic), but my job as a mom is to comfort my children. And I honestly believe that the reason people who use the CIO methods get so defensive is because they feel guilty that they let their babies just cry.

Crying isn't just bad for mom and dad, who feel emotionally (and sometimes physically) bad for letting their babies cry. Of course its bad for babies. Our babies depend on us to be there for them. And what happens when we aren't? What happens when they are left all by themselves to cry? They come to realize that mommy and daddy aren't going to be there to fulfill their needs. "I'm crying. No one is coming. My needs aren't being met. I'm all alone." And honestly, who needs that? Research has found that leaving babies to CIO can cause brain damage. (http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/crying-it-out-causes-brain-damage.html - this was done in 2006, but still.)

So why would you subject your child to just cry it out, feel abandoned and alone, when you, the parent, could do something about it? Even just holding your child while they are crying is better than just sitting your child down, away from you while they are crying.

It's just something Brad and I aren't fans of. We don't let our babies, especially Ophelia, cry.

(side note: if you feel like you may hurt your child because of their crying, please just place them down in a safe spot, like their crib or swing in a separate room, and step out for a few minutes. One of the biggest causes of baby injury is Shaken Baby Syndrome. It can be prevented, and stepping away for a few minutes to clear your head or take a break is better than a dead or brain damaged baby. Please DON'T SHAKE YOUR CHILD! They did nothing wrong.)

My First La Leche League Experience

2011-01-11T17:29:00.000-10:00

For those of you who don't know, La Leche League is an organization that is all about breastfeeding. Feeding your child the best food that you can give them and do what is best for your baby.
This is their philosophy:

Mothering through breastfeeding is the most natural and effective way of understanding and satisfying the needs of the baby.

Mother and baby need to be together early and often to establish a satisfying relationship and an adequate milk supply.

In the early years the baby has an intense need to be with his mother which is as basic as his need for food.

Breast milk is the superior infant food.

For the healthy, full-term baby, breast milk is the only food necessary until the baby shows signs of needing solids, about the middle of the first year after birth.

Ideally the breastfeeding relationship will continue until the baby outgrows the need.

Alert and active participation by the mother in childbirth is a help in getting breastfeeding off to a good start.

Breastfeeding is enhanced and the nursing couple sustained by the loving support, help, and companionship of the baby's father. A father's unique relationship with his baby is an important element in the child's development from early infancy.

Good nutrition means eating a well-balanced and varied diet of foods in as close to their natural state as possible.

From infancy on, children need loving guidance which reflects acceptance of their capabilities and sensitivity to their feelings.

They have groups all over the country, and the world, to help mom's and dad's have a successful breastfeeding and parent relationship with their child.

international breastfeeding logo

So yesterday, January 10th, my friend Jamie and I went to a LLL meeting here in Hawaii. The awesome thing about LLL meetings, besides the support, is that kids are welcome. Even Reilly came, fully prepared with a bag with books, her iPod and DS and a pillow pet to keep her entertained.

At every meeting, something is different. You have "class time", where they discuss the benefits of breastfeeding, and other breastfeeding related topics. Yesterday, we passed around "goodie bags" filled with things that have to do with breastfeeding, or having a good breastfeeding relationship, especially the first couple of weeks. We all talked about our personal experiences, and textbook information, all of which was very helpful. There was time for a Q&A afterward. They also have a lending library, where you can "check out" books from them and read them over for the next month, and then return them. Makes it easy to get the books that you want and are beneficial to you, without having to search out in a public library, spend time looking at a bookstore, or ordering online.

The only negative that came out of the meeting was the fact that during the entire thing, there were side conversations going on. I have to admit, I was guilty of carrying on a side conversation or two, but in general, it was a little irritating to listen to about 4 conversations all at the same time. It was hard enough that there were older kids running around, that the conversations were just a little much. I'm not sure how that would be in meetings elsewhere, and I'm not sure it's always like that, but that was probably the only negative.

I encourage all my breastfeeding or pregnant mama's to give it a shot. At least one meeting. On their website (linked above) you can find meetings in your area. They generally meet once a month and the LLL leaders are available via phone or email in between. They are a great wealth of information.

(Please note: Not all members or leaders are going to be amazing. As with any group, there will be women who you won't agree with. That isn't to say that it still isn't a good idea, just be aware that you may not get along with everyone.)

Goodbye 2010. Hello 2011

2011-01-05T11:47:00.000-10:00

Firstly, I missed the most recent wordless Sunday. It was a "busy day" and I ~~just didn't have time~~ was just too lazy. But no fear! A picture will be posted at the end of this blog to make up for it.

Second, Happy New Year to all! We are 5 days into the new year...and well...nothing has happened. No, I take that back, I got my IUD (birth control) put in on Monday, so I am now an anti-baby zone for the next 5-ish years.

New Years has always been a time of reflection for me. I always cry when the clock hits midnight. I feel like a chapter of my life is coming to an end. Though, Brad made a good point that it really isn't...but to me it is. The years are always filled with happy times and sad times. And while I don't remember everything that has happened in the last year, there are specific memories that will always stand out. For instance, this year some of the following things happened:

Two days after Brad left for Maldives, I found out I was pregnant.
I turned 25.
My husband was gone for my entire first trimester, and a good 8 weeks or so out of the beginning of the year
Reilly turned 4
We sadly said goodbye to our beloved dog, Jax. (No, she didn't die. We knew we were moving to Hawaii, and didn't want to put her through all of that, especially with the chance that she could be stolen for fighting purposes)
We had our orders changed to move before the baby was due instead of after.
A friend of ours died in Afghanistan.
My brother in law went to war. Again.
We said goodbye to my family and our friends in Washington and made the trek to Hawaii.
I hated Hawaii.
We made good friends.
My amazing, beautiful second daughter Ophelia was born.
My parents came to visit their grandchildren.
I liked Hawaii.
Brad turned 28.
Brad and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary.
My mother in law came to visit.
We spent an amazing Thanksgiving with our friends and family.
We spent an amazing Christmas with our friends.
Our daughters got a fantastic Christmas (with a real tree even!)
My husband and I celebrated New Years Eve at our house, enjoying each others company, with our two little girls sleeping, toasting with champagne, kissing at midnight, and inhaling firework smoke outside.

It isn't everything. We've had our fights, tears have been shed, we've done it all. And there is so much more in store for us. This year is going to be amazing. At least, I am going to be making the best of it. I have plans for what I want to accomplish this year. There are things we need to do, and want to do.

We want to get our budget in check.
We want to buy a new (not brand new, new to us) car.
I want to co-sleep for at least 2 more months and breastfeed for another 8 months.
Reilly turns 5! And starts school in the fall.
Ophelia turns 1!
We'll be getting another visit from my mommy and my sister in law.
And hopefully my brother in law as well.
And hopefully making a trip to Washington to visit my family, and see my best friends new baby.
I want to become a certified doula and look into starting school.
I want to bring in some kind of income.
I want to blog and read more.
I want to be a better wife and mother.
I want to get in better shape.

I am so excited about this next year. These are not resolutions. I don't "do" resolutions. After years and years of promising myself that I'm going to do this or that, and not following through, I just stopped. But this year, I decided I would make a resolution. Mostly because it'll be an easy one to do (after we get that car) and I miss doing it so much. But after we moved, we stopped buying natural/organic foods and I stopped using my reusable grocery bags (which I've blogged about here). I want to do that again. I miss it so much. So that's my resolution for this year is to start buying natrual/organic foods and products and be more of a hippy.

And that's it. My year in review. My wish list for 2011. My one and only resolution.

I hope you all had an amazing new years. I hope all my readers have an amazing 2011, a year full of new and wonderful things.

goodbye 2010

hello 2011

And now, as promised, pictures!

Bed-sharing and Why We Do It

2010-12-30T23:59:00.000-10:00

I don't have anything against the way people parent their children, unless they are making obviously bad choices or abusing their children. Other than that, any parent is welcome to parent their children any way that they see fit. We have chosen to parent our children a certain way, even though some people may not agree. It's fine if you don't, but this is the way we have decided to raise our children.

Whenever a couple is expecting a baby, there are a few key things that they generally discuss about the upbringing of the child before the baby is born. The rest of it is all just trial and error, and hopefully, some research along the way.

What is most discussed before babies come home? Well, to be honest, not a whole lot. Usually its where baby is going to sleep and how baby is going to be fed. More "crunchy" parents will discuss vaccinations, cloth diapering, circumcision...those types of things. Unfortunately, the norm in the United States is baby sleeps in a crib in his/her own room, with disposable diapers and formula. But we've chosen to raise our kids a different way, and go about things that are "against the norm". Sadly enough, the way we chose to raise our kids USED to be normal, but now...its seen as "weird" or "off the wall".

So I'm doing a couple blogs about the things we do that are "off the wall" and why we do them. Lucky for me, Brad and I are both pretty much on the same page when it comes to parenting. We do disagree on little things. I'm not a big fan of the spankings, but in certain situations, it works. And Brad handles that part of the discipline. And it took awhile for Brad to be okay with the cloth diapers and baby wipes, but we seemed to have crossed that hurdle and now we're all on the same page. There are other things we have and will disagree on, but we both know when to call it quits and just let the other person do what they want (for instance, he stepped aside on the cloth diaper debate and I stepped aside when he told me he didn't want a doula)

First on the agenda is co-sleeping. Or rather, bed-sharing. We bed-share in our house. This actually wasn't really something that came up while I was pregnant. We had talked about co-sleeping and having Ophelia sleep in a play pen in our room. And we bought the play pen. And eventually it will be used. But while I was in the hospital, Ophelia slept with me. The only time she was in her little bassinet was while I was going to the bathroom and was alone. Or while the nurses/doctors were looking at her. Any other time she was sleeping, she was in my arms or in my bed. Surprisingly, the nursing staff never said a word to me about it. Maybe that's because she was sleeping the right way (on her back all swaddled up). Since she's been home, she's slept in our bed, either in between us, or on my side of the bed (with a bed rail in place now that she's going to start rolling soon).

And while I'm on this topic, I'm going to admit to a big no-no that I do. I let my baby sleep on her stomach. I did it with Reilly. I'm doing it with Ophelia. Neither one of my kids have been huge on the swaddling. And while its a nice idea to keep them from startling, my girls just didn't tolerate it well. It was a huge fight and I just wasn't going to be a part of it. So I've let both girls sleep on their stomachs from day one. Call me a bad mom if you must, but I take every precaution that I can to ensure that nothing bad happens to them while we are all sleeping. I have the added bonus of being a light sleeper when either one of my girls is sleeping soundly next to me, and if things aren't right, I wake up.

Back to the topic. Not only do I love bed-sharing, but Brad does too. He likes being able to wake up and cuddle with Ophelia in the morning. And she's such a happy morning baby, anyone who didn't love it would be crazy. And bed-sharing has its benefits too, especially for breastfeeding mommies. Personally, I don't think that getting up 2-3 times in the middle of the night to get up out of bed and grab a baby, sit down, and feed them sounds like much fun. Not that getting up 2-3 times in the middle of the night is fun mind you, but not having to get up, walk around, get the baby, change her, then feed her...well, that just isn't my cup of tea.

There are added benefits to bed-sharing as well. It's been proven that mom's and babies sleep better. Baby can smell mom's scent, hear her breathing, and feel her close. There have also been studies that show that baby's heart rates and breathing patterns are regulated by sleeping close to mom. They share the same sleep patterns making sleep more efficient and beneficial for everyone. It makes breastfeeding much easier. A lot of women have learned the side feeding position (though honestly, I've never been able to master it. I sit up a little bit, get Ophelia latched on, have a pillow on whatever side I'm feeding her on, and lightly doze while feeding her) and sometimes mom and baby feed/eat without ever waking up. Babies naturally drift closer to their parents during sleep. I notice it all the time. Ophelia will start off closer to the middle of the bed, and by the time I wake up in the morning, she's snuggled up close to me. Co-sleeping is especially beneficial to breastfeeding moms. They sleep lighter, which means they wake up when baby starts stirring. For some reason, though I'm not sure exactly why, mom's who formula feed are less likely to be as aware of their babies, but I haven't actually read anything that says why. But we aren't talking about bed-sharing when formula feeding babies. By the time Reilly switched to formula, she was sleeping through the night and even the rare occasion where she did get up in the middle of the night, I was so trained that it didn't even matter.

I understand some parents want their space. I get that sometimes having a baby in the bed with you can make people anxious. They are so obsessed with their babies breathing and all the little noises that babies make that they don't take the time to just relax, calm down, and fall asleep. So they move their baby to another bed, or another room. I'm the exact opposite. I freak if my babies are far away from me sleeping. Hell, I still had a baby monitor in Reilly's room until she turned 4 and Brad had to all but physically force me to take it out of her room. I still make him sleep with the door open, even though he hates it, just in case she wakes up in the middle of the night. I don't handle my girls being far away from me very well. I get anxious and worry and check on them constantly. And eventually Ophelia will move out of our bed. It'll probably be in the next 3 months or so. It worked really well with Reilly, and she was in a crib, in her own room by her first birthday.

Bed-sharing is obviously one of those things that need done correctly. But honestly, its more common sense than anything. Don't have lots of blankets and pillows that can cover or fall on your baby. Don't bed-share when you are taking drugs (prescription or otherwise), or you've been drinking. Problems can be created if you are overweight as well. And honestly, if you know for a fact that you or your spouse are heavy sleepers and won't wake up if you roll on a baby, then you probably shouldn't bed-share. But it can and is done safetly and in a healthy way that benefits mom, dad and baby.

It's a little more common now to co-sleep (baby in the same room) than it has been. But it's even less common that parents bed share. A lot of parents think and can get stuck with their kids in their beds for years. It happens. It hasn't happened to me...when I decided it was time to move Reilly to her own bed, it happened, and that was that. Some people think they are spoiling their baby by letting them sleep in bed with mom and dad. Simply not true. Some people think that their child will have sleep issues later on in life. Reilly doesn't. Reilly is a perfect sleeper. The only time she wakes is when she has an accident (which is rare) or when she gets scared for one reason or another (also rare. In total, it probably happens 2-3 times a month. At the most). Some people think that their bed is specifically for the parents (ie. sex). But seriously ladies and gents, it's the 21st century. Get creative. Your baby is sleeping in your bed? Well, how many other rooms in the house do you have?! It can be done. A lot of mom's say "I'll never let my baby sleep in my bed"....and then comes that night, where you've been up until 1am, and just when you think the baby is asleep, BAM, it's sad baby island. And you've tried everything, and nothing is working, and you climb into bed with your little one, and magically....it just works.

So to close -- we bed-share because we want to. We have taken the necessary steps to create a safe bed for our baby. There will come a time where we want our bed back, and we both know that and have discussed it. And as long as we are on the same page, we will probably continue to bed-share with our subsequent children. Because that's how we roll. You may not bed-share or co-sleep. You may even think that its dangerous. But shit, our baby is almost 4 months old now, and she's perfect.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Wordless Sunday -- Christmas edition

2010-12-26T09:20:00.000-10:00

I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas! We sure did. Opened presents will all the girls and then had friends over since none of our family was here. I'll be posting more this upcoming week...was taking a break for the holidays, but I have some stuff I was working on.

My favorite pictures of the girls opening presents

Ophelia wanted that toy SO BAD!

I just love this. The excitement is just flowing!

Wordless Sunday

2010-12-18T23:18:00.000-10:00

keeping mommy company in the kitchen

It's an actual update!

2010-12-15T09:42:00.001-10:00

Not just me rattling on about my beliefs and how I raise my kids! I feel like I'm getting caught up in the ho-hum of being a birth advocate and a parent. I didn't used to be like this, I swear. Back in my "blogging days" -- which, was just me spewing bullshit from my fingers on livejournal and myspace -- I would write posts that were short, sweet, and very much to the point (along with very rude, judgmental, and littered with dislike). Blogging, to me, used to be about just getting something off of my chest, and as a 18-21 year old, I had a lot of shit that bothered me. In the past I've actually gone back and read my blogs and you can just see my life wasn't going anywhere fun. I tried to be silly and witty, but all I did was come off as a big asshole.

But now that I actually blog for value, I feel like I'm missing out on that care free blogging that I used to do, where I just talked about my day and what's going on in my life. So THAT'S what we're going to do today!

Where to start?! I guess I'll start back in the middle of November. Brad's birthday was November 15th. He got Call of Duty: Black Ops from me. I mean, he actually bought and paid for it himself, because while he was so excited about the game he was practically pissing his pants, I had other things to do, like keep two little girls occupied and shop for breast pads. We didn't really do anything special for his birthday. I'm not even sure I cooked him a nice, fancy, "you're getting so old" birthday dinner. NO! I didn't. I went and got pizza instead. And the only reason I remember that for a fact is because I was sneaky and bought him an ice cream cake at Baskin Robbins that is right next to the pizza place. So I win brownie points for that one. Extra points because the colors on the small (but oh so yummy) ice cream cake were Bengals (orange and black) colors. And as my husband is from Ohio, it was only fitting for his 28th birthday. (See? Old.)

November 16th was our 3 year anniversary. No, we didn't do anything special that day. In fact, the things we did do had nothing to do with us celebrating our anniversary what-so-ever! We took Ophelia to her 2 month check up. We showed the doctor that her skin condition was gone (thank goodness! That was horrible), she weighed in a whooping 12lbs 12oz and 23" long. Now real quick, I'm gonna go ahead and put some information out there. My two kids are completely different. They will always be individuals, blah blah blah. But Reilly...well...she was and still is, a small kid. My "skinny minnie" if you will. I actually went back and found HER two month check up paper work. She weighted 10lbs and 4 oz or so. Ophelia had TWO POUNDS on Reilly and at least an inch and a half. Okay, back to the story...Ophelia was in the 80th percentile for weight and I think 57th for height. My fat baby. (Currently, if I weigh her on my scale with me, she's clocking in at 15lbs!)

Then, Brad went and picked up his mom at the airport. She stayed with us for two weeks so she could visit since..well...there was a baby now. Unfortunately, she got sick in the middle of her trip, which, lets face it, is NEVER fun. I felt bad. We didn't get to go do anything really fun...I mean, we got to go to the beach and Ophelia got to go in the ocean for the first time, which was exciting. We had Thanksgiving here with friends and my mother in law, and it was almost like being home. I love having people in my house for big events....makes me feel all lovey and homey.

So we said goodbye to my mother in law on November 30th. The weekend after that, we went and got our Christmas tree and trimmings and decorated the house! I love Christmas time. And having a tree and lights up makes it feel a little more like back home. Makes me remember cuddling up in the house under a blanket with candles and watchin a movie.

Anyway! So here we are, 9 days before Christmas (YAY!!). Ophelia is officially three months old now. It just seems like time has gone by wayyy too fast. She's holdin her head up, she wants to sit up so bad. I got my first laugh the other day! It's just amazing that the time has gone by so fast. She isn't my little new born anymore, she's my baby. I do miss her sleeping all day though. I think she's getting close to a growth spurt. Trouble sleeping, wanting to nurse almost all day...or maybe her personality is just starting to come out and she isn't the easy baby we thought we had.

After Christmas is my birthday. I'll be 26. (January 20) It'll be the first time that Brad is with me for my birthday since we've been married. So to be blunt, it better be an awesome birthday. Then its tax return time. Which I always love. We never save it, which we probably should, but this year we have to pay our landlord our deposit on our place (which we never did...thankfully, I'm not sure where we would have pulled that $2400 out of), we're buying me a car so I can actually leave the house with the girls during the day, and I don't have to rely on Brad to get off of work and come get us when we need to go somewhere. I'll also be able to get stuff done during the day, like grocery shopping or whatever. I'm pretty excited about that. We're also PLANNING (nothing is set in stone yet) on buying plane tickets to go visit BOTH our families in Washington and Ohio NEXT December. I've been looking at plane tickets, even though I can't look for December, I just plug in October to get an idea of what we're going to have to pay. For all 4 of us (since Ophelia will be a lap baby) it'll cost about $3000 just to fly everywhere. We'd be renting a car in Ohio I'm sure, since *hopefully* my parents would be cool with us using their car for a couple weeks. (But I don't want to assume, so I'll have to ask) so somewhere around $3500. Which, really, doesn't seem that bad. I still haven't decided the order. At first I figured we'd fly to Washington first, but the last Christmas we spent somewhere, was Ohio, and I haven't spent Christmas with my family since then....so we'll see. One of my only stipulations though is that I want a connecting flight from the west coast to Ohio so we don't have to have the girls on the plane for a ridiculous amount of time. Granted, Ophelia will be one already, and that should be a little easier than flying with her as an infant, and Reilly will be 5 and a half.

Ohhhhh shit. Reilly will be 5 and a half and IN SCHOOL. Well, just something we'll have to work around. Maybe we'll just have to make visits before school starts. Fuck.

So, that's a long update. But it's been awhile. I just haven't really thought about making an actual life update! I've been so busy thinking about other stuff and busy with the kids.

More to come soon. <3

Wordless Sunday

2010-12-12T20:34:00.000-10:00

Our Christmas tree. All pretty with presents. And Ophelia.

I Am Advocate, Hear Me Roar!

2010-12-09T16:30:00.000-10:00

As I've mentioned, Ophelia's birth has changed me. I took an entirely different approach to my pregnancy, labor, and delivery with her and it's changed my views on pregnancy and labor/delivery. I am an advocate. I am an advocate for natural, normal, intervention free childbirth. Some of my friends are hard core into politics. Some of my friends, including my bestie, are all about living the super green life and begin vegan/vegetarian. I am hard core into childbirth.

I wasn't always this way. I have always been passionate about woman's rights, and I've always felt that we, as women, should be able to have a say in what happens to our body, but I wasn't like that with pregnancy and childbirth. With Reilly, I didn't inform myself very much. I was scared to death of the pain and while I said "I'm going to try to go natural", I'm very aware that in the back of my mind I knew I was going to end up getting an epidural. My biggest fear was (and still is) having a c-section with one of my babies.

Please note that I do understand that intervention is sometimes necessary, and so are c-sections. But I am talking about a very normal, no to low-risk pregnancy and birth.

The more I read, and hear about women who make uninformed choices, the more I want to do something. And since I am not in a position to really DO anything right now other than write on my blog and direct people to good resources, the one thing I really want to do is shake women and tell them that they need to advocate for themselves and BE INFORMED about their pregnancies and the birth of their children. They need to know that our bodies are made to give birth. They were made to labor. Yes its painful. It's nothing even close to comfortable. Rainbows and unicorns don't come barreling out of your vagina when you have a baby. But the fact of the matter is, most women fear childbirth. The pain, the unknown, the after math...it's all scary. Every pregnancy and every birth is scary and worrisome at some point, and that's normal. But doctors pound into our heads that everything we are doing is wrong, and they know what's going on. Some doctors have never seen a fully natural childbirth, with no interventions, no surgery, no medication. Most doctors only see a few in their practicing years. That's scary! The national c-section rate is 32% (as of March 2010, according to the CDC website.) That's the highest its ever been. A lot of the time it's because a woman goes into the hospital, uneducated, and doctors spew "word vomit" (if I may take a quote from Mean Girls) about the baby being "too big to fit" or "failure to progress". And women listen to them because they are "all knowing" doctors, when in reality, rarely is it ever the case that a woman cannot have a baby naturally because of these reasons. I recently posted on my facebook a link to a website called My OB Said WHAT!?! and how much it irritates me. (Except for their Thoughtful Thursdays) Some of the things that are on this website are ridiculous. Here, let me indulge you:

“Well, if you want me to be your doctor, you will schedule your cesarean right now.” – OB to mother at a prenatal early in the a VBAC pregnancy. (Unfortunately, a lot of hospitals have now banned VBAC's - vaginal birth after cesarean)

“We’ll just make sure you deliver by 40 weeks! Don’t worry, almost *EVERY* woman gives birth before her due date!” – OB to mother. (Due dates are JUST estimates. Unless you know the EXACT DATE you ovulated, it is very rare that your due date is actually 40 weeks. And no, not EVERY woman gives birth before her due date. Especially first time moms.)

“If you don’t let me break your water, the baby won’t have a way to get out.” – OB to mother being induced. (The baby can come out IN the bag of water. Its called being born in the caul -- caution, actual birth pictures at that link. It's rare, but it happens.)

“Babies over 40 weeks get ‘sick’ (inside the womb.)” – OB to mother at a prenatal appointment. (Wrong again doc. Babies are perfectly fine over 40 weeks)

“You can refuse, but you’ll kill your baby.” – Nurse to mother during her 32 week prenatal, who stated she wanted to refuse an induction. (Wrong again! Refusing induction will NOT kill your baby.)

“You have only a 20% chance of birthing this baby vaginally. You might as well have your epidural now for your cesarean section later.” – OB to mother. (Blah blah blah.)

“Your baby will die if you don’t have a cesarean by 40 weeks.” – OB to mother who had refused the three hour Gestational Diabetes test. (No. No no no.)

Isn't that scary? Don't you want to run away from childbirth RIGHT THIS SECOND?! This is what women hear every day from their doctors and nurses...and hell, even some midwives. But then you watch something like this: (Yes it is a video of a natural childbirth. Yes there are vagina shots. You've been warned.)

And yes...she's in pain, but listen to the encouragement she's getting from her (I assume) midwives. Don't even look at the video...just close your eyes AND LISTEN. THIS is how childbirth should be the majority of the time.

Not like this (which, while funny, is sadly what childbirth is getting towards):

So ladies, please educate yourselves about childbirth. The doctors are not always right. Gain knowledge about yourself, your body and your baby. Please.

I am a natural childbirth advocate. Here me fucking roar!!

Note: Again, I understand that interventions are sometimes necessary. I don't judge a woman based on how she decides to have her own child. It is her body, her choice. I just want women to understand that our bodies were made for this, no matter what.

Wordless Sunday

2010-12-05T20:55:00.000-10:00

We set up our Christmas tree and lights this weekend!

My ladies. Ophelia's first Christmas!

Its Christmas Time...

2010-12-03T13:23:00.000-10:00

We do all the normal Christmas family things. We put up a Christmas tree and let Reilly help decorate. We put up lights and little things here and there. We fill stockings. We wake up early (sorta?) on Christmas morning and unwrap gifts. We hang around in our jammies for hours. We listen to Christmas music. We do ALL those things.

What we don't do, is push Santa on the kids. I know a lot of families do the Santa thing, and for them, that's okay. I don't want Reilly and Ophelia to grow up thinking that some magical man comes into our house early in the morning on Christmas and leaves us all presents. That's not how it works. Mommy and daddy (well, mostly mommy this year) spend time trying to pick out the perfect gifts for our girls, frantically wrapping them at the last minute because I forgot, or was too lazy, or didn't have time before hand, and nicely placing them under the Christmas tree for them to tear into on Christmas morning.

I don't know where I got the notion to tell my kids that Santa isn't real. I was told he was...I figured out for myself that he wasn't one year when I woke up at night, only to hear my parents talking and wrapping presents. I remember being not heart broken, but a little upset. I wasn't devastated, but I wasn't exactly happy about my discovery. When I was pregnant with Reilly, I figured I'd do all the normal things that parents normally do...Santa, the Easter bunny, etc. But when she got to the age of understanding Christmas, and being excited about it, I decided against Santa. And the Easter bunny. I decided that I wouldn't lie to my kids about that. I'll tell them little white lies all through their lives...like "No, sorry, we can't go to the store right now. It's closed" (at noon). "Boys are icky, they have cooties"...ya know, things that they WANT to do, but I really don't want to do and well...to keep icky boys away from my baby girls until they are 30. But telling my kids that this magic guy brings them presents every year until they figure it out themselves or are told the truth on the play ground? No thanks.

And this isn't to say that I don't think that other parents shouldn't let their kids believe in Santa. It's okay. It's a magical belief...it really is. It's fun! I just don't think its for my kids and my family.

Plus. Dude, I spent all my valuable time shopping for these presents that my kids are going to love. I should TOTALLY get credit for it. ;)

Thanksgiving...

2010-12-02T13:55:00.000-10:00

So I know I'm late for my Thanksgiving Day post, but sue me...its been a long week. (Okay, not really, but sheesh...give me a break please!)

So Thanksgiving is the time of year when we're supposed to be thankful for the things we have in our lives. And year after year, I find things to be even more thankful for than the previous year. This year was full of wonderful surprises. 2010 was really a good year for me, and our family. (I hope...I mean, I know it was for me, but I can't speak for everyone in our family).

In January of 2010, just two days after Brad left for Maldives for work, I found out I was pregnant. We had been trying for 7 months when I got pregnant, but I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was about 5 weeks along (like Reilly). I got to celebrate my birthday 3 days early with that positive pregnancy test. Both Brad and I were ecstatic, even though he was half way across the world. He got to come home 2 months later to my bulging belly and no morning sickness!

Shortly after he came home, we celebrated Reilly's fourth birthday with our closest friends and family. I enjoyed so much watching my little girl go from a toddler to a pre-schooler...even though she wanted to be 3 for just a couple more days after she turned 4. (We obliged her with that one).

In April we found out that our little bundle of joy was going to be another daughter to add to our growing family. Despite being upset that it wasn't a boy, Brad was ridiculously happy with that. I saw it in his eyes.

In June, we got to say goodbye to our friends and family and July 3rd, we started a new chapter in our lives by moving to Hawaii for the next three years. Unfortunately, we also lost a friend of ours in Afghanistan. I think about him every once in awhile, and I still tear up. But he fought strong and proud for his country, and I am very thankful to have known him. (RIP AJ) Also in July, I had a total breakdown about moving to Hawaii. But I got over it.

In September, two days before my scheduled due date, we went to the hospital, and I gave birth, naturally, to our beautiful daughter Ophelia. My daughters complete my life. I am so thankful that we had friends who took Reilly over night for us when our families weren't here. I'm thankful that Ophelia decided to come as fast as she did (because if you'll recall from this post I had asked for an epidural during my transition phase) and I am thankful that I got the natural birth I wanted. I'm thankful for my amazing husband who supported me in birth when he had never been through it before.

During my pregnancy, I questioned everything, even if it was just to myself, and my pregnancy with Ophelia helped me decide on what I ultimately want to do in my life, when before I had no clue. And I'm thankful that I have a supportive husband who will stand behind me on my journey to become a doula and a midwife.

In October we got to visit with my parents, who came out to visit for a little over a week to see us and their new granddaughter. In October, we got to dress up the girls and go trick or treating, and celebrated Halloween as a family.

In November, we celebrated Brad's 28th birthday and our 3 year anniversary. We also got to visit with my mother in law, who came out for two weeks to see her new (and first biological) granddaughter. We got to celebrate Thanksgiving with a fantastic group of friends because our families don't live here. I'm thankful that we have such amazing people in our lives. And I'm thankful that I get along with Brad's friends so well!

December has just started, but after getting almost all my Christmas shopping done, I can honestly say that I'm thankful that we can provide things for our daughters. I'm thankful that we can get them presents for Christmas, and their birthdays, and spoil them...because I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm so thankful for my daughters. I'm thankful for my loving husband. Without them, I don't know what I would do. I'm also thankful that my girls have such an amazing father. Not every child needs a daddy (because lets face it, there are a ton of single moms doing it and doing an AMAZING job), but every child who has a daddy in their life DESERVES an amazing man to look after them. And my girls have that. I'm so thankful for my family. My birth family and my extended families...including my best friend and her husband and kids and my in-laws. Brooklyn is like my sister, her kids are my kids, her husband...not my husband...but he's like a brother (in law. Otherwise that would be creepy). My in-laws are basically an extension of my parents and brother/sister-in-law. I miss them all so much living in Hawaii and away from them. There are days when all I want to do is call Brooklyn up and have her come over for coffee while the kids are in school so we can gossip and be in the company of each other. And I hope one day that I can do that again. And even if I can't, I am happy for the fact that no matter how far apart we live, she is still my best friend and I love her to bits. And another person I am very thankful for is Rob. Though he lives thousands of miles away, and though we've never actually met in person, I have known him for many, many years. He is one of the only men (besides Brad) who I trust fully in my life and I love him to pieces. He's been there for me through everything, sharing my happy times and my sad times. And I don't know what I'd do without him either.

I'm thankful for my husbands job. And I am doubly thankful in this economy. He has a steady paycheck that we can depend on. We have health insurance. We have money to put gas in our car and food in our fridge, and I know a lot of people struggle to do even that. And I'm thankful that we can afford for me to stay home with our girls and it doesn't kill us financially. I'm thankful that we are all happy and healthy.

I'm thankful for a lot of things. And I think this year, I am thankful to close the chapter on 2010 and see what 2011 brings us. Its been a roller coaster of a year. Brad and I have had our ups and downs like any married couple, but we've made it through the last couple years relatively unscathed. We've grown as individuals, as a couple and as parents.

A *virtual* toast to the end of this year and all that I am thankful for. And to a fantastic 2011. To Reilly starting kindergarten. To Ophelia turning 1. To me turning 25 (again ;) just kidding, I'm turning 26). To Brad being one year closer to 30 (and him being a good sport when I poke fun at him about it). To our 4 year anniversary. To being on year closer to moving out of Hawaii. (HA!) To all our friends and family who we love dearly.

Readers: What are you thankful for? Let me know! Even though I relatively dislike the holiday season, tis the season to be thankful and enjoy what you have, even in the most stressful of times.

Breastfeeding...Totally Disgusting!

2010-11-29T14:05:00.000-10:00

I was being sarcastic up there in the title. I've been all over the intrawebz reading how disgusting it is to breastfeed a baby, and how no one should have to look at someone feeding their child in public. I'm astonished to be quite honest. Of course, I see breastfeeding advocates all over the place. And while I have a little bit of a problem with the "boob nazis", that isn't what this post is about.

I have many mommy friends. Mommy friends who, as all mommies do, need to feed their babies. I have mommy friends who have chosen to breastfeed for long periods of time. I have friends who have breastfed for a shorter amount of time. I have friends who have started to breastfeed and then had to stop for one reason or another. And I've had friends who have just never breastfed and went straight to formula. I don't judge my friends for their choices and never will. They do what is best for their children, their families and their situation, and that's what all of us should do.

A little background on my experience with breastfeeding. With Reilly, I chose to breastfeed to begin with. I had a very hard time with it. I was too stressed out and emotionally and mentally exhausted, and breastfeeding wasn't working for me. I stopped after three months. I felt it was the best choice for both of us. And it was! We were both much happier. With Ophelia, I decided that I would try again with breastfeeding. It was cheaper, and much greener! And of course its good for baby! I made myself some short and long term goals. Short term is three months. I figure that if I can make it to three months, and still feel good about breastfeeding, then I'll continue. My next goal after three months is six months. And so on until I reach a year, or I decide that it isn't working out for our family.

feeding her baby

So since I'm exclusively breastfeeding (with the exception of Thanksgiving, where I drank a liiiiittle too much, and ended up giving Ophelia formula. But that neither here nor there) I have to breastfeed where ever I am. I don't pump. I tried to make a point to do it for the first month or so of Ophelia's life, but it was too hard. It's time consuming, and it hurts my hand (I have a manual pump) and really...its just NOT the same as breastfeeding. I feel like its a big waste of my time. So I never have a bottle for her. I always make sure I have something to cover myself up with. Breastfeeding isn't disgusting. Unfortunately, it has become the norm in our society to formula feed. And that's fine! If it works for you, more power to you. If you don't like breastfeeding for one reason or another, that's fine too. I won't judge. But to think that doing something as natural as breastfeeding is disgusting is ridiculous. Women have been breastfeeding for as long as humans have been on this planet. It was the only source of food for babies for a very, very long time. People didn't think it was disgusting back then! In fact, women still walk around topless in some third world countries. It makes me sad that, especially in America, breasts are such a sexual thing that we are disgusted when they are used for what they were MADE to be used for. Breasts weren't sexual first. They were sexual second. They are there for food and comfort for our children. Breastfeeding is a beautiful, natural, bonding experience for both mother and child, and hopefully fathers as well, even though they can't feed their children from their chest. I hope that the fathers out there understand and are grateful to their wives who breastfeed. I hope that they can see the true beauty of what their wife is doing. And I hope they can appreciate it with all their hearts.

For those of you (which, I hope if you're reading my blog, you aren't like this, but even if you are, take the time to learn something) who don't like seeing a woman breastfeed, especially in public, I have some advise for you. Suck it up. Avert your eyes. Leave the area. Or just deal with it and go on like nothing is even happening. That's what we do. I don't draw attention to myself when I'm feeding my child in public. I cover up, and she lays there quietly and eats. And when she's done, I put my boobs away and go on with life. Hell, you may have seen me in a restaurant and didn't even know I was breastfeeding. While my parents were in town, we went down to Waikiki to go to dinner. I didn't bring my wrap with me, which I normally wear if I'm going to be breastfeeding, but daddy decided he wanted to carry Ophelia. So I had to hold her and feed her. All while walking down the strip. Most people didn't even notice. And to my absolute amazement, the people who did smiled politely and nodded at me. I was waiting for someone to tell me to take that somewhere else. But no one did! I was WAITING to tell someone that if they wanted to listen to my child cry, that was fine, but I certainly didn't...I certainly don't want to deprive her of her food source just for someone elses comfort. And I certainly never will.

feeding my baby

I'm lucky. I have an amazingly supportive husband. He tries to do and suggest what is best for me and our daughter. The week after we got out of the hospital, he took Reilly to gymnastics, I was having a really hard time breastfeeding. I had sore, cracked, bleeding nipples that hurt every time Ophelia ate. He offered to buy formula so I could have a break. It was sweet. I mean, I broke down crying on the phone and told him that I would stick it out, but it was a sweet gesture. He helps me cover up when I need it when we're out in public. He is just fantastic. Granted, he still oogles my boobs whenever they are out, but I'm okay with that. He is my husband after all. I have amazing friends and family who are also super supportive. My mom breastfed my brother and I up until we were about a year old (I forget exactly how long) and she did so while she went back to work! I also have an amazing daughter who knows its okay to feed a baby from a bottle or a boob. I made sure to drill that into her head before Ophelia was born. Reilly had never seen a baby breastfeeding...and now she copies me. I have more than one picture of her breastfeeding her baby dolls. And it makes me happy. No matter what she decides to do with her own children, I will stand by her, of course...and I will make sure that she has all the right information. And that she knows that she can do whatever she thinks is best for her and her family. And I will instill those values in Ophelia, and any other daughter(s) that Brad and I may have. And I'll teach our boy(s) about the importance of breastfeeding too...because hopefully one day, they will be parents as well, and they need to know the importance of supporting their wife and child in that way.

So for all of you who are anti-breastfeeding...please...talk to a mommy who has breastfed. Talk to a mommy who has been so desperate to breastfeed that she could cry, but for one reason or another can't. Talk to a mommy who loves the bond between herself and her child. Talk to those mommies and support them. Talk to those mommies who have chose to formula feed their child and support them too. And talk to the daddies who are so proud of their spouses for doing that for their child.

Most effective way to be a parent....it isn't what you think...

2010-11-28T13:19:00.000-10:00

While reading over ridiculous stories about whatever the fuck it is the TSA is doing now (more on that later), I ran into this link. It is a news style blog written by a mommy in the bay area. The gist of the story is that every single time we parents turn around, there is another thing we're doing wrong. We're punishing our children too harshly, or not harsh enough. We're giving them complexes. We're ruining them by letting them sleep in our bed, our room, their own bed, or their own room. It seems that everyone has an idea of what is best for our children. And everything we as parents are doing is wrong. According to books, professionals, other parents...hell, even our OWN parents sometimes, we are ruining the lives of our most precious little things.

As I wrote about in this post, I tend to have a different style of parenting than most people. Not everyone...but most people. I honestly believe that if you have some common sense, and you aren't out there abusing substances, or beating your children, you have every right to parent however you see fit. Obviously, you shouldn't be leaving your children out in cars by themselves. You shouldn't leave them alone when they are little. Common sense.

The lady who wrote that article had a list of 10 ways to be an effective parents, and I agree with them whole-heartedly. Apparently it was in the November/December issue of Scientific American.

1. Love and affection. You support and accept the child, are physically affectionate, and spend quality one-on-one time together.
2. Stress management. You take steps to reduce stress for yourself and your child, practice relaxation techniques and promote positive interpretations of events.
3. Relationship skills. You maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse, significant other or co-parent and model effective relationship skills with other people.
4. Autonomy and independence. You treat your child with respect and encourage him or her to become self-sufficient and self-reliant.
5. Education and learning. You promote and model learning and open-mindedness for your child.
6. Life skills. You provide for your child, have a steady income and plan for the future.
7. Behavior management. You make extensive use of positive reinforcement and punish only when other methods of managing behavior have failed.
8. Health. You model a healthy lifestyle and good habits, such as regular exercise and proper nutrition, for your child.
9. Religion. You support spiritual or religious development and participate in spiritual or religious activities. (This one I don't agree with. I believe you need to answer your child's questions honestly and with an open mind/heart, and love them no matter what. I don't believe that we, as parents and families, need to participate in spiritual or religious activities.)
10. Safety. You take precautions to protect your child and maintain awareness of the child's activities and friends.

I believe that with following these ten, very simple, very basic guidelines, we can all have amazing children, but still parent how we see fit. As I believe I've mentioned, I frequent (okay, not so much anymore) a baby forum where the women there belittle and berate moms because of the choices they make. These choices are simple...formula vs breastfeeding. Co-sleeping vs not. Vaccinations vs no vaccinations. These choices don't hurt the child (with the possibility of no vaccinations...but more on that later), nor do they hurt anyone else who seems to be concerned with them. People stick their noses in where they don't belong and it ends up making people feel that they aren't cutting it as a parent.

In a nut shell -- don't judge people on how they parent if they are making the effort to do these 10 things. If their child is happy and healthy, who cares if they get their child vaccinated or not? Who cares if they let their child stay up late if they have nothing to do the next day? Who cares? It isn't your child. I have AMAZING mommy friends who's families aren't "normal" (I use that term very loosely), but I think they are some of the most amazing parents with the most fantastic kids, and I am a very lucky person to have such great families in my life. We don't need to own all the latest parenting books, or listen to nut jobs like Dr. Phil just because we don't parent the way that they do. Really. Just follow those rules up there. I promise.

And if you don't like it...well....go suck an egg.

With Love,

Mrs. Obie

Wordless Sunday

2010-11-28T10:31:00.000-10:00

Ophelia's first trip to the beach

Sugar cookies part 2; decoration

2010-11-26T11:35:00.000-10:00

supplies

As promised, here is part two of the sugar cookie making! The decoration! Now, I made the frosting. It was pretty sticky and messy, but Reilly got to mix up the colors. We made 5 different colors; green, yellow, red, purple and "brown" (which, to be honest, was more of a greenish-black color). Recipe follows. All you do is mix it up. I didn't even chill anything in the fridge, and once on the cookie, the frosting hardened up pretty good, which is what I was going for.

1 cup confectioner's sugar
1 tbs light corn syrup
2 tbs water
10 drops food coloring

The idea was to give Reilly and her friends something to do while they were here to keep out of the grownups hair. It worked! They seemed to have a total blast decorating the cookies, which made me happy. Pretty easy little project for them to do I thought! They each got to take what they made home. I highly recommend putting something down under the cookies to prevent frosting spills...I put tin foil down, and I still have frosting to clean off the table. I'm glad the kids enjoyed making the cookies! It was something artsy fartsy that I don't really do very often, but they seriously enjoyed it.


finished cookies!

I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving with their families! I completely enjoyed my time with my family and friends this Thanksgiving. Stay tuned for a Thanksgiving day post, even though it'll be late.

Sugar Cookies! Part 1

2010-11-24T19:54:00.000-10:00

So today, while thinking of all the things that we have to do tomorrow, I was put in the mood to make something for the kids to do tomorrow while they were waiting for dinner to be done, and to keep them occupied and out of our hair. Since I don't have much in the way of "artsy fartsy" craft supplies, I decided, the next best thing?

Why, decorating cookies of course!

So Reilly and I (but mostly Reilly) decided to make some cookies to decorate tomorrow! We found a recipe on allrecipes.com and worked on it this morning. First, I laid out all the ingredients:

mixing the dry ingredients

2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup white sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup butter

Mix together flour and salt in a bowl. Easy right?

We softened our butter in the microwave for 45 seconds. Then in a medium bowl, mix together the remaining ingredients (sugar, egg, vanilla, butter and sugar). The recipe says to use an actual mixer, but I just used a whisk. It was just as easy.

wet ingredients


mixing them together

After whisking the wet ingredients together, add them to the dry ingredients and mix until they form a smooth dough. We just used our hands! After mixing it together really well, you need to wrap it up in saran wrap and chill for 1 hour in the fridge.

form the dough

dough out of the fridge

cutting the cookies

After an hour, take your dough out of the fridge. This is when you should pre-heat your oven to 325 degrees and get out your cookie sheets. I recommend using either a silicone baking mat or parchment paper....if not then just use an ungreased cooking sheet. Roll out your dough to the thickness you like. I try to keep my cookies a little on the thicker side to avoid tears and holes in the cookies. But whatever floats your boat. THEN! Bust out your trusty cookie cutters. We decided to use Christmas cookie cutters...mostly because those are the only kind we have. Plus, Thanksgiving is the gateway holiday to Christmas! Also, take time to get pictures of your child, or yourself posing. Bake at 325 for 13-15 minutes. I did 14 and they came out just right. Let them cool and then move to a sealable container if you aren't going to decorate them right away. Other wise, decorate them as you like!

my mini chef

The follow up post will be tomorrow after the kids decorate them. I figure this is an excellent way to keep them busy and out of trouble while the adults mingle, drink beer, and cook! I'm very excited for tomorrow!

Stay tuned for the follow up post on decorating and my ever-famous, Thanksgiving post!

I hope everyone has an AMAZING turkey day! Take the time to be thankful for your friends and family.

Wordless Sunday

2010-11-20T22:49:00.000-10:00

Love this action shot. Taken by my mother in law.

Wordless Sunday

2010-11-15T11:28:00.000-10:00

another day late...again....whoops! we've been busy getting ready for my mother in laws arrival!

squishy face

Wordless Sunday

2010-11-08T11:07:00.000-10:00

One day late. I'll be better I promise!

Reilly and her new BFF Lucy at the fair

Trouble in Paradise (aka Why I Don't Like Living in Hawaii)

2010-11-08T11:03:00.000-10:00

Okay. I lied. I didn't realize at the time that I was lying but I lied none the less. About a year ago, when Bradford was reenlisting, and we were deciding where to go, blue sunny skies where what popped into my head. He reenlisted to go to Hawaii. I was giddy over it. Who wouldn't want to move to an island, especially one where so many people wish they could go, where it was sunny and 85 degrees every day?! After living 25 years in Washington, with the rain and the cold, I couldn't get to Hawaii fast enough. I talked almost every day about how I was so stoked to get to Hawaii and go to the beach and sit in the sun and enjoy minimal rain and no snow!

Well now, after 4 months of living here, I regret even thinking that this would be the best place to live. What the hell was I thinking?! Okay, okay, there are some good things to living in Hawaii. Its gorgeous here. It really is. They have the most gorgeous flowers here, and some of the trees are so huge and awesomely weird, you can't help but love them. This time of the year (aka, the rainy season), the temperature drops down to the upper 70's, which is perfect weather. Its only muggy and gross after it rains now instead of the majority of the time. But there are some things I seriously hate about this state. Really. I would love to vacation here, and some day, after we leave here...years and years down the road, I will probably visit again.

Things I Hate About Hawaii:
-Its an island. There is only so much to do, and it isn't all that big. We could (and have) driven to the opposite side of the island in a short amount of time. I'm pretty sure it takes longer to drive to Seattle from Olympia than it does to drive from our house to the opposite side of the island.

-The skunk plants. We have a row of them outside of our house. And they smell HORRIBLE. I never go out my front door unless I have to because I hate smelling them.

-The bugs. A friend of ours told me "you don't REALLY live in Hawaii unless you have bugs in your house". Unfortunately, its true. And not to mention disgusting. The bug of choice for Hawaii? Cockroaches. I always imagined cockroaches filling up a tiny New York apartment when it was filthy. My house isn't filthy. Or in New York. One night, I came downstairs to put pumped milk in the fridge and had a panic attack because there were five...yes...FIVE cockroaches in our kitchen. I had seen six that night, one was in our bathroom. I squished as many as I could, but 3 of them got away. Mother fuckers. Luckily, I haven't run into the dreaded centipedes yet. I've gotten a lot better with mentally dealing with the cockroaches, but they still make me wanna throw up.

Artists rendering of my cockroach infested kitchen. Not to scale.

-The weather. Now, I'm not horribly irritated by the weather, especially since it isn't as hot as it was when I was big and pregnant. What irritates me more is the fact that I can't wear my long sleeve shirts and my boots. I'm barely wearing long jeans and the majority of the time I wear capri's and flip flops. It makes me sad that I can't cuddle up under a blanket and watch a movie because its chilly outside. And light candles. I think what I miss most is the FEELING of fall or winter. Its November and we went to a fair last night. It was gorgeous outside. 80 degrees. IN NOVEMBER. We're just a couple weeks away from Thanksgiving. I could go lay out in my backyard and get a tan. IN NOVEMBER. But I digress.

What sucks the most about Hawaii? Being sooooo far away from everyone I know. Although, I do love the fact that they don't observe Day Light Savings Time. I think that's a stupid thing. In fact, if I were president, I would do away with DLST. UNNECESSARY!!!!!!

Wordless Sunday

2010-11-02T23:29:00.000-10:00

I'm so behind on my blog. The last couple weeks I've been racking my brain trying to think of things to write about and apparently my pregnancy brain has followed me...I now have postpartum brain. So since I'm so late, there will be two pictures for Oct. 31 (three days late....). I hope everyone had a happy and safe Halloween!

My beefcakes first Halloween


My pretty pretty princess

Wordless Sunday

2010-10-24T08:12:00.000-10:00

Mid-sneeze.

Wordless Sunday

2010-10-17T00:05:00.000-10:00

this is love

What do you want to be when you grow up?

2010-10-17T00:02:00.000-10:00

This is a question I have asked myself over, and over, and over, and over, and....well, you get it. I've asked myself that question A LOT. Sometimes I wonder how high school kids know what they want to do, and then go to school for 4+ years...they are still babies. What happens if they don't want to go to school for the same thing a couple years down the road? A waste of money I think. When I graduated high school, I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. Zero. Nil. Nada. So I went to community college to try to figure it out. I dropped out within the first year. Not just because I was in a rebellious stage of my life, with a shitty boyfriend, but also because I wasn't ready to make that kind of decision about my life. I had no idea what would really make me happy...what I could imagine doing for the rest of my life. Aimlessly taking classes here and there wasn't going to get me anywhere except wasting my parents money.

So now, 7 years after I graduated high school, after a wide variety of ideas of what I wanted to have as my career, ranging from teacher, to accountant, to chef, to marine biologist, specializing in the study of sharks, back to chef, I think I've finally found something I am passionate enough about to tackle. A year ago, two years ago, three years ago, the thought of going back to school, while I really wanted to do it, seemed really overwhelming to me. Going back and doing all the stuff that I did already and just....blllehhhhh. I didn't know where I was going to fit going to school into my schedule, even with just one kid...now I have another one that I have to figure out what to do with! I don't trust myself doing online school. I don't learn like that. I learn by reading and by physically being in a teacher presence, take notes, etc. I can't afford to throw both girls in daycare while I go to school...not to mention another car and all the expenses for school. I don't WANT to take out a student loan, but I'm sure it will eventually happen, and that also frustrates me. So I'm glad I've been waiting for so long to go back to school...I just couldn't bring myself to do all of that to myself and the family for something I wasn't 100% on.

But now, I figured it out. I did it. I found something that I am passionate about. And it's all thanks to my little Ocho! When I was pregnant with her, I had wanted a doula. We didn't have one, but that's neither here nor there...we did fine without one. So again, not the point. But adding to the fact that I wanted a doula, and that I was scared about having a baby where I wasn't familiar with the hospital, or doctors, and didn't have any family, and also that I frequent a baby website with a forum where there are so many mis- and uninformed women, and women who wanted certain things out of their births, I decided that what I would really love to do, and could really get passionate about and stick to is becoming a doula and a midwife.

For those of you who are unsure of what a doula is: A Doula is a trained and experienced professional who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and just after birth; or who provides emotional and practical support during the postpartum period.

I have been so let down by all the negative stories I've heard about birthing and birth experiences. I've been let down by my own nerves and my own understandings and basically mistrust in doctors. I have grown a lot in the last 4 years since I gave birth the first time. My views have changed drastically. Giving birth with OB's who I don't know and will probably never see again scared the shit out of me. It still makes me nervous. I haven't decided what I'm going to do when we have our next baby in a couple of years because while this birth wasn't inherently bad, my next birth may not go the route that this one went, and I want to be comfortable and feel like I can trust whoever is involved in my birth. I know a lot of women can't do that. They can't pick their provider. They can't ever feel comfortable. They can't do what they want to do...and what they should be able to do. And I want to be apart of the solution and HELP those women.

I've done some research about becoming a doula and I think that's the route I'll go first. To be a midwife, I will have to go to nursing school, and honestly, that isn't something I'm quite ready to do yet. I have a small baby at home, and I want to at least have Reilly in school full time before I start on that venture. I don't want to miss the last year or so that I have at home with her. So doula training is first. The steps that you have to take to become a certified doula really aren't THAT difficult. Read some books, take some classes, sit in on some births. Easy peasy. And hell, I'm in the military community. I know what happens and how we end up with re-deployment babies. I know whats up *wink wink nudge nudge*. I'm sure there would be tons of women who would let me sit in on a birth. And once your certified it lasts for so many years before you have to re-certify, and that's always easier after you've done it the first time.

I hope that this is something that I can be good at. I hope that this is something that I can do, not only to be an advocate to women and couples, but that I can be happy doing it, and I can make at least a contribution to the family income with it. It'll be hard when I actually become a certified doula because as we all know, birth is in a league totally of its own. We don't know when a birth is going to start, or finish, unless you obviously have a scheduled induction or c-section. So it'll be hard with the two little ones and Bradford in the military and having a schedule that he needs to keep. But we'll figure it out. One thing at a time Mrs. Obie...just one thing at a time.

You know what I love?

2010-10-16T14:31:00.000-10:00

There are few things that I really, truly love in life. You can say, I love that shirt, but you don't REALLY love that shirt. Your life wouldn't end because that shirt wasn't in your life...you just like it a whole bunch.

There aren't many things that I love more than my friends, my family, my husband, and my children. That's ascending order by the way. My girls (and subsequent children) will always be #1 in my book. I would do anything for them. I would die to protect them. I would get thrown in jail if it meant keeping them out of harms way. My husband, obviously, is very important to me too. He's my soul mate and my best friend. My family, and my friends who are like family, mean the world to me. And I only have a couple people who I really, truly consider to be "like family". My friends that I have are all amazing. I love them all to bits.

But do you know what I love just as much as all of those people? Peace and quiet. Now, I know you're probably thinking, "But Mrs. Obie! You have two kids and a husband! How do you ever get any peace and quiet?!" I know, it doesn't happen very often. But every once in a great, GREAT while, I wake up before anyone else does. Or at least before the kids do if Brad is at work.

So what do I do when I'm the only one up? Well, it depends. When I was a smoker, I'd go outside and enjoy a cigarette all by myself. The best was when it was the middle of fall or winter (and it wasn't 20 degrees outside) and I'd get to sit out on the back porch in Washington and just enjoy the crisp cold air and not have to worry about anything. I could think my own thoughts. I could just sit and be quiet.

I also relish taking a shower. When everyone is quiet. I feel rushed otherwise, and generally speaking, the shower is the only place I REALLY and TRULY get to be alone, except on the off chance that I'm taking a shower with the hubs.

A friend of mine on facebook recently made a status update about understanding why mom always got up at the crack of dawn. Some coffee, a little food, maybe a hot shower are all reasons to be sleep deprived. And I couldn't agree with her more. As you get older, and have more responsibilities....a husband, kids, a job, the house, they all take precedent over you. Everyone else comes first. Your needs, wants and desires are all put on the back burner. Now, that isn't always a bad thing! But we are human after all, and have the desire to do things for ourselves. So every once in awhile, when it happens, I seriously enjoy my alone time. I enjoy the time I spend with my husband and my girls, but really...I enjoy my 'me' time.

This is what my family looks like

My family is my first priority. Myself is my second. And I'm very much okay with that. But mama's, take some time for yourself. You will seriously go crazy taking care of everyone else and not sneaking in a little bit of YOU time.

Body Image

2010-10-11T22:49:00.004-10:00

Being a female, body image is something I know about all too well, and something that I have struggled with on almost a daily basis for many, many years. It started late in middle school, and continued through high school. A couple different times in my life, I have suffered from anorexia, especially my senior year in high school. I think the only time I really ate was around my parents. That lasted until I got pregnant with Reilly. Then around the time I went back to work, I was eating maybe one small meal a day, and basically living off of coffee, cigarettes, and the occasional alcoholic beverage.

Honestly, I don't know why my self image was so bad in high school. I mean, I wasn't over weight or anything. I had a bit of pudge around the face, but most of that had worn off by my senior year. One of the many, many trials people go through as a teenager. There is always someone skinnier and prettier than you are. It took me a very long time to realize that there will always be someone skinnier and prettier than I am. It's just the facts of life. There will also always be someone bigger and uglier than I am.

I'm a member of a certain website online, which includes a decent number of teenage mothers or moms to be. I read their posts about how the baby weight just makes them feel horrible, or they want to be a size ___ again. And while I do want to lose some baby weight, it isn't because I feel ugly. Sure, I feel a little fat, but its a little fat that I can handle. A lot has changed since I was in my early 20's. Which is funny considering I'm only 25, but even after Reilly was born, I had a lot of body image issues. I think it took me finding the right person to love me for me, no matter what I looked like for me to finally accept that I was who I was. And yes, I can change how much I weigh and my general physical appearance, but there are still some things that I can't change. I can take a look at it in a healthy way and change my diet with better foods, and exercise, not starving myself.

The things I can't change? Dun dun dun...the dreaded stretch marks. Can anyone name someone who really, REALLY likes having stretch marks? I can't. I don't like them. But I've become accustomed and actually proud of them now. When I first started developing the bazingas (aka, my boobs), I got stretch marks. I did everything I could to hide them because they were so embarrassing. That was part of the reason I never dressed like a girly girl until later in high school. I despised them. I didn't feel very good about myself because of them. I later got stretch marks when I was pregnant with Reilly, though they weren't horrible. I still didn't like them, but I wasn't embarrassed by them as much. I got more during my pregnancy with Ocho, in different places than during my pregnancy with Reilly. A lot changed during my pregnancy with Ocho -- a lot. I became more aware of myself as a woman, and I hold my stretch marks, even though they still aren't pretty, and I still don't like them, but I hold them as badges of triumph...badges of honor..."Mommy Marks". I have them because my body was busy making my two amazing daughters.

Its hard being a girl. We have so many thing that we have to deal with...pregnancy, periods, sagging boobs, menopause...and that's just the physical stuff. Not to mention having to live up to standards that are ridiculous. Women back in the 40's and 50's and such didn't have the kind of pressure we do now. Men want skinny women with skinny waists and boobs and butts that look awesome. At least that's what is portrayed in magazines and the media. What isn't portrayed is the millions of NOT skinny women, or the overweight women, who have boyfriends and husbands who love and adore every curve of their body. They don't portray the flat chested women who have husbands who love their small chest. They portray the "perfect" woman, which, most of us are not.

Its important to me that I continue to be accepting of my flaws, and make healthy choices for the things that I want to change, simply because I have two small girls who depend on me to make them feel amazing about themselves. I have a duty to encourage them to make smart choices. I have a duty to make sure they understand that they don't have to be a size 0 to be beautiful. I have A DUTY to make sure that they love themselves, inside AND out, and love who they are because THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL no matter what. As long as they have a good heart and a good mind, it doesn't matter what marks you have where, or where you have a little extra.

I've decided to do something a little...not embarrassing...but not like me. I feel comfortable enough with my body to post a couple pictures. My acceptance of who I am. I am putting it out for those who read my blog (the dozen of you or so) with the hopes that you can also feel comfortable in your own skin, and realize that yes, while being super skinny and odd mark free would be awesome, we are who we are.

We are all beautiful in one way or another. So please, women AND men, embrace yourself. Embrace your body and who you are. We all want something to be different...but that doesn't mean that we can't embrace who we are TODAY.

for your information: 25 years old. 2 pregnancies. 2 children. 4 weeks postpartum.

Wordless Sunday

2010-10-10T23:32:00.005-10:00

So many blogs I follow have a "wordless" day. Just simply a picture to describe life. So we're gonna go ahead and start that on Sundays. Unless I have something better to say, which is always possible...but for now, we'll just say that from here on out, Sundays, will in fact, be wordless.

Being An Alterna-Parent

2010-10-08T21:09:00.006-10:00

I have to admit, my parenting style is...well...alternative.

I also have to admit that I don't treat my 4 year old like a 4 year old. She's much more grown up to me.

I know everyone has their own parenting styles. I know that no one raises their children by the book. But there are things that I like to consider as alternative parenting. And not everyone is going to agree with me on this, but this is my version of being an alternative parent. Also, there are different ways to be an alterna-parent.

With Ri-baby, like I said, I treat her as a mini-adult. She is just as capable of making her own choices and suffering consequences as an older child. She understands a lot more than kids her age. I don't know many parents who would let their child watch Kick Ass, let alone have a copy of it on their iPod. I don't know many parents who would let -- yes, I said let -- their child cuss (on occasion and when appropriate). I don't know many parents who lets their child be who THEY want to be.

Reilly is a smart girl. She asks A LOT of questions. She learns A LOT about things that many parents are squeemish talking to their kids about at such a young age; periods, sex, drinking, killing and death. A lot of parents don't feel that their child is up to handling the "adultness" of those topics. I do. I know my child is. My daughter doesn't have a violent streak in her, but we let her own ~~toy guns~~ NERF guns, she understands that people do kill people, and that those are bad people. She knows about jail. She knows about sex. Not in detail, but she knows the fundamentals. I've never made it a point to hide information from my daughter, and because of that, I feel that she is one of the most well rounded children on the planet.

Things that bother me to no end about parents is when they try to lie or give their children obscure answers about important questions. Calling a vagina a flower or a penis a pee pee isn't a good way to build a well rounded child. I'm sorry, but its not. Telling your child that their baby sister just appeared one day? Give me a break. Hiding 'fuck shit ass cunt' from your child seems silly to me because they WILL learn those words eventually, and honestly, wouldn't you rather it come from you? (Maybe not cunt, but you get the picture).

Setting boundaries, is still obviously needed. Reilly may be smart, but she's still four. She still needs laws laid down for her. She still needs to be put her in place. But I feel she also needs to be able to explore the world around her and figure out her place in it. She needs to be encouraged to make something of herself and express herself in a healthy and safe environment where she can ask anything that she wants and learn about anything that she wants. Sometimes I also consider myself a push over. Yea, I kinda let her get away with some things, but all in all, I don't have to worry about her too much. Yes, she's still a kid, but she's a good kid. I go out to a store or restaurant and I wonder sometimes what the hell some of these parents are thinking when their child is screaming bloody murder in the middle of said place. I wonder why these parents can't get a handle on their children, and how I got so lucky to have a mostly well behaved child. And then I realize that her personality, her character, her charm, is all because of how Bradford and I have encouraged her to expand her horizon, become her own person, and hopefully thrive.

I applaud myself for having a long conversation with my daughter after watching the video for one of her favorite songs, Love The Way You Lie, by Eminem. If you are unsure of what the song is about, it is about domestic violence. We watched the video
and we had a long conversation about what to do if someone ever hits her. Who she can come to, what she needs to do, all of those things. How many parents talk to their kids about domestic violence?

Reilly is everything I could have ever hoped for in a young child. Literally everything. She's an easy child. Really she is. Sure, she has her bad moments, because for fucks sake, she's four. But 90% of the time, she is amazing. She has started to develop her own taste in music because we let her. Her favorite artists include Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, Eminem, Dora, Spongebob, The Beatles and B.O.B. Some of her favorite movies? Zombieland, Kick Ass, Coraline, Chicken Little, and anything having to do with Elmo. She love sushi and raw green peppers, along with ice cream and candy.

She's expanding her palette of the things offered in life. Because we, as parents, let her.

So yes, I am an "alterna-parent". I am open and honest with my child. I let her be her own person. I watch her learn every day. I get to watch her be older and still a youngin, all at the same time.

I'm proud to NOT follow the rules.

And most of all...I have no worries about my child going out into the world and experiencing life. She is going to be an amazing person.

picture #1 is Reilly rocking out with Daddy on Guitar Hero
picture #2 is what KISS does (yup, the band, another of Reilly's favorites)

You're a bad, bad hippie.

2010-10-07T21:44:00.003-10:00

Yes. Yes I am. I would like to apologize to the State of Washington, my home state, my comfy place, because you see, I feel as if I've let her down. (States are girls right? Just like boats and cars?)

It took me a long time to embrace my hippie ways. Because up until I was about 22 or so, to me, hippies were pot smokers who continually smell like hemp and incense, and rarely washed their hair. But a new breed of hippie has taken over, and those of us that practice this form of hippie-ism like now to be called "green". Though I do appreciate me some tie-dye and lets face it, I smoked pot back in my youth. But this isn't the time to go back down that road. Maybe later.

Back on topic. I went green, or at least, mostly green, about a year after Bradford and I got married. I bought eco-friendly cleaners, organic foods, used my reusable grocery bags, you know, general "green" things. In fact, I have such a collection of reusable grocery bags that I have zero need for ever using plastic bags. I didn't get a plastic bag anywhere for almost a good year, except on the rare chance that I didn't have my bags on me when I made a surprise stop somewhere.

Since moving to Hawaii though....[sigh]...I have been a less-than-perfect hippie. I would love to blame the fact that everything eco-friendly is OHSOEXPENSIVE, and while that is sometimes the case, it isn't always, and doesn't mean that I have to quit using my awesome bags (and my reusable mesh produce bags), or using some at home remedies for cleaning supplies, or anything like that. I've been a failure at living a eco-friendly, organic, healthy lifestyle. I blamed the pregnancy for a little while. I was so tired all the time, and I hated going anywhere. Loathed would actually be a better word. I also wasn't (and still, I'm really not) familiar with the area around me, and with only having one car, and Bradford getting off work around 5pm, and home close to 6, its hard to go grocery shopping and get dinner on the table at a decent time, or getting to a place where I can buy the products I need. Now that I'm not pregnant, I can use the newborn excuse.

"I have a baby who NEEDS me all the time, I just don't have the time to do some serious, eco-friendly/organic shopping!"

If your curious, yes, I have actually justified a lot of things I wouldn't normally like doing with that statement right there. Like eating fast food. Ordering pizza. Sleeping in? No, I'd do that regardless, and that has zero to do with my hippie-ness. Or does it?

So now, I have to jump back on my hippie band wagon. I'm just not sure at how to do that. Bradshaw isn't a hippie like I am. He doesn't buy organic foods (okay, not ever, but very rarely does he), he doesn't use reusable shopping bags, and it was almost like cutting off an arm or leg to get him to do cloth diapers. Not really, just a promise of not having to change diapers. But still. It's not that he doesn't support my hippie ways, he was just raised in a different state, where they don't have the super hippie values that Washington has. So the art of being green is very strange in my house. Normally, I do all the grocery and household items shopping. Normally. I haven't in awhile. Once our household has settled down, and we have a routine again, I think it'll be a lot easier, but until that happens, I feel like I still need to be on a green hiatus. Hopefully that won't be much longer. Right now, its hard to go out by myself without Ocho, since I'm her walking feeding machine. Its hard to go out WITH Ocho, because she is very demanding sometimes. Its hard to go out with everyone because I feel rushed. When I go out by myself, or with Roo, before Ocho was born, I could take my time...normally because Bradford was sitting at home playing video games and didn't care how long it took. So until the household settles, I feel stuck.

Back to jumping back on the band wagon. How should I proceed? I'm not sure at this point. I think for starters, I'll start using my reusable bags again whenever I'm going on a trip to the grocery store (or Target/where ever). I think that will be the easiest for me to do right now. I'll eventually get back into what I was doing before we moved, as long as its cost effective. Getting my ass to some local markets is going to be key. Another problem we I have is that a lot of places around here don't carry the amounts of eco-friendly/organic products like Washington. Which makes me sad. But I digress.

My Hippie Goal:

Use my reusable grocery/produce bags.

I'm going shopping tomorrow for dinner with my parents, so I'll have the opportunity to make sure that I use my bags. In my next blog, I promise I'll let you know if I've been keeping my goal in check to use them. Just taking a first step to getting back to my hippie ways.

Diapers Diapers EVERYWHERE!

2010-10-05T22:06:00.004-10:00

With Ri-baby, I strictly used disposable diapers. I thought it was easy. Wipe, wipe, toss! But when my bestie, Brooklyn, had her daughter, and switched to cloth diapers, the hippie bell in me went "ding ding ding!!"

So I did some research, talked to the lady down at Simple Cloth about which kind of diapers would be the best, and easiest for our family, and then convinced Bradford that he wouldn't have to change a single diaper if he let me go cloth and got started buying.

We decided to go with bumGenius to start with. The one size fits all diapers, that grow with baby. They have snaps to adjust the size, and most of the ones we have are Velcro and not snaps, like the newer ones. I just want to say that I love the velcro. I don't know why. But the snapie ones do have a tendency to leak if the diaper isn't on tight enough, and I don't want to cut off circulation to the poor babies leggies.

I was really, really overwhelmed with using cloth. In fact, even though I was dead set on using them, I was overly anxious about ACTUALLY having them. Using AND washing them. Because if you aren't aware, you can't just wash them like normal clothes. No fabric softener. No regular detergent. And definitely none of that Dreft shit. You have to wash them a certain way. It's overwhelming if you've never done it before! When my mom used cloth diapers, they had a diaper service that would take their diapers and bring them back nice, clean ones. I was overwhelmed at the thought of doing this all by myself. But the closer that it got to Ocho's birthday, the more I knew I needed to get my shit together and deal with it. So after I ordered the last of my 24 diapers (the recommended number of diapers for starting out), I sat down, and read, and read, and read the little card that the lady at Simple Cloth gives out when she sells diapers. Instructions on how to wash them, and what kind of detergent to use. So we stocked up on Country Save detergent (which I also adore), and I washed my first load of cloth diapers.

SUCCESS! None of my diapers fell apart in the washing machine or the dryer. I was so happy to sit on the couch and stuff all the diapers. I was ecstatic! Really. I was! So the first part was a success. But the real test would be putting Ocho in them and doing laundry all the time. So about a week after she was born, we started using the cloth diapers full time. Before that we had been using disposables (but 7th Generation, so better for baby and the environment!) until she could fit into her cloth dipes. But when we started using them full time, I got anxious again. Would I be able to keep up with the demand of needing diapers, and having to wash them on an almost daily basis (since we are "short" the 7 snappie diapers that don't fit well yet)?

In a short answer, fuck yes! I have ZERO problems taking the bag of diapers downstairs once a day -- or every other day, depending on how much she shits -- and throwing them in the washing machine. Even running the load twice every 3 or 4 days or so to help get rid of some of the stains from the poop isn't that big of a deal. And I really do enjoy sitting in bed, with Ocho sleeping next to me, and stuffing all the inserts into the diaper covers, and neatly putting them back into their little basket by her pack and play.

I have been seriously happy with the cloth diapers so far. Not to mention it helps fill out her outfits, so now it looks like she belongs in the clothes she wears instead of them looking like she could swim in them.

So first, a big THANK YOU to my bestie, Brooklyn, who helped me get into cloth diapers. And another big THANK YOU to my husband, Bradford, for letting me do it, and not complaining about my hippie ways.

Curious to know WHY I ultimately decided on cloth diapers? Well, you should be.

They are good for the environment. Really. Do you know how many diapers end up in the land fill EACH DAY?! Think about it. How many times a day do you change your baby? I know I change Ocho AT LEAST 10 times a day. And she's 3 weeks old. So for three weeks, I've been changing at least 10 diapers a day. 70 diapers a week, 210 diapers since she's been born. And diaper changes go on until they are potty trained. Ri-baby wasn't potty trained until she was 3. Yea, after they get the hang of their eating and bodily functions, the number decreases. But still. So if, on average, you changed 10 diapers a day, for the first year of your childs life, give or take, that's over 3500 diapers a year. A YEAR. Then add night time pull ups after you've potty trained during the day. Yikes.
Money. In this economy, who seriously has the extra cash to fund said 70 diapers a week? How much is the average pack of 40 diapers? About $20 after tax? So you're buying $40 worth of diapers every week and a half. That's over $1000 a year on just diapers. What could YOU spend an extra $1000 on? A down payment on a car? New clothes? Toys for your child? Food? Putting it into savings for a rainy day? But what about your water and electric to wash the diapers? Really? Washing your diapers on even a daily basis isn't going to amount to that much money, especially since you can just throw them in the washing machine with other clothes, like I do. Laundry soap? Pssh. The Country Save brand that we buy is about $15 a box or so. It's 80 full scoop loads. We use half a scoop for diapers. So that's 160 loads of laundry. That's about 5 months worth of diaper laundry. I have two boxes sitting in my laundry room right now. So 10 months worth of laundry for $30. See? Cheaper.
They are better for baby. Yup. Cloth on the body is better for you instead of tissues and elastics. Try wearing some undies made from different kinds of films, tissues, elastics, tapes, and not to mention that absorbent gel shit and tell me that those are more comfortable than your nice cotton panties. I'll pay you $100 if they really ARE more comfortable. No I'm kidding about that, I won't. I need that money for bills. But if YOU wouldn't find that comfortable, why would your child? Not to mention they reduce diaper rashes. And they absorb the shit outta some pee. Not to mention that they are cushier and softer. Quite a bit more comfortable I would imagine!
They are fucking cute. You ever see a babies butt in a cloth diaper?! ADORABLE! Plus, there are so many cloth diapers and covers on the market today, that you can basically dress your child in ANY kind of color or pattern you want and they'll STILL look super cute!

So there you have it. I encourage new parents to consider switching to cloth diapers when you decided to have your first baby. Hell, I encourage parents in general, new or not, to use cloth diapers. I spent about $400 on all my diapers. They are going to last until Ocho is potty trained. I'm not going to be wasting $1000 or more a year on disposables. And most children are potty trained around 3 or so (just a rough estimate, I didn't feel like looking up statistics right now). So $3000+ vs. $400 + the cost of laundry soap (About $30 a year for us).

So please new mama's and papa's, consider cloth diapering your babies butts. I promise, its not as hard as it seems. Not only will you be saving money, and the environment, but you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you made your baby's butt cute and comfy!

To get you started, here is a handy link about cloth diapers!
http://allaboutclothdiapers.com/

Birth Regrets?

2010-10-03T23:54:00.005-10:00

I know that everyone has at least one thing that they would have liked to change about the birth of their child. It could have been something as small and trivial as wearing their own clothing during birth, or as big as having to have an emergency c-section. Every parent goes through the regrets at some point or another, even dads...

So what is my birth regret? Well, when I got pregnant, I wanted to have an epidural. I had said from day one after having Reilly that I would have an epidural for all of my subsequent births because it was just too painful for me to deal with. That mentality lasted all of a week or two after I got my positive pregnancy test. I had decided that I wanted to try to have a natural, drug free birth. It was the way that millions upon millions of women had given birth before me, and hopefully, millions and millions of women will do so after me. I made a choice to do my research, come up with a plan, educate my husband, and have the birth I wanted.

Well, what happened was...

I read book after book after book on how to prepare myself for child birth, what to expect, why it was better for both me, and baby, to have a natural child birth. EVERYTHING. I bought who knows how many books on the subject. Most of which I still have sitting next to my bed. I started labor, and it was easy peasy. Even my "bad" contractions when we got to the hospital weren't THAT bad. I could still handle them. And then I went into transition.

Transition: Transition is the phase of labor just before the pushing stage. At about 6 or 7 centimeters of dilation, some of the symptoms of "transition" appear. During transition, contractions become very strong, and often their duration and frequency are less predictable.

At this stage of labor, the laboring woman may feel confused or even unable to cope at all. Legs and arms may tremble uncontrollably. Belching, hiccuping, feeling nauseated or even vomiting may occur. Most women recall feeling irritable and often become astonishingly rude. The coach will need to be particularly attentive and encouraging at a time when it is not going to be too rewarding to do so. The extreme changes in body temperature will require the obvious treatment of either adding or removing blankets.

Toward the end of this accelerated phase, but often before the cervix is fully dilated, the laboring women may feel the urge to push (or what feels like the need for a bowel movement). A couple of these signs, but especially the urge to push, often indicate transition.

If no examination has taken place within the preceding half hour, the nurse should be notified of the changes. Even if it has been less than the thirty minutes and the urge to push is strong, immediately notify the attending person of this sensation. The coach's presence is most helpful during this difficult time.

And then I asked for an epidural. I told Brad I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't wanna have a baby anymore. I was done. Why I didn't figure out that it was transition is beyond me, or anyone else for that matter. I would think that OB's at least would be able to tell where a woman was in labor by how she was acting. But then again, OB's and turned birth into such a medical procedure instead of something that a woman is born to do that it's kind of amazing that they know how to handle a natural birth to begin with.

When I had dead set decided on getting an epidural, and told the nurse, she made a comment that really bothers me, even now. "So you're done trying to be a hero?" Really? REALLY?! You're kidding me right? I wasn't aware that birth was something that gave you a hero status if you did it naturally. Did women hundreds of years ago get medals or something because they gave birth without drugs? Do they get them now? And if so, where the fuck is mine? I digress. That really struck me in a bad way. I feel guilty for even mentioning the words epidural. I'm irritated and mad at myself for thinking I couldn't do it. Bradford was amazing. He kept trying to encourage me to do it the way we had planned...but in the end, he told me that I could do whatever I want. And so I decided.

Luckily for me, Ocho had different plans. She was fast and furious and wanted to get the fuck out NOW. I appreciate her so much for that. She is the sole reason I got the birth I had intended to have from the very beginning, and if either of us should get a medal for being a hero, it should be her.

I know in theory, I have zero reason to beat myself up about it. I did it naturally, with zero drugs, and the only "intervention" I even had was a fetal heart monitor, which was strapped on with barely enough time to catch Ocho's heart rate. But I still do. And I know I'll continue to do so because it makes me feel like a failure to know that I could have not said anything. I could have kept my mouth shut and just dealt with the pain. I could have kept screaming my little head off to get me through it. But I didn't. I bowed down to "the man" and asked for an epidural.

Not next time. I'll be prepared next time. I'll make it through transition. And then they'll have to give ME the medal for being a hero.

October 2010 Financial/Life Goals

2010-09-30T14:35:00.003-10:00

Something that I've been wanting to do for a long time is get our finances in order. We aren't horrible -- not thousands and thousands of dollars in debt or anything like that, but we have some issues that we need to take care of. Really. Its not THAT bad. I promise. But we're still adjusting to the Hawaiian life style, and a couple of our bills are ridiculous and we just...well...we basically need to get our shit together. So now, I'm going to start making goals for our finances and life, and hopefully we'll stick to them. Also, I've been watching a lot of Suze Orman, and she makes me feel bad for not having money in a savings account or a retirement fund.

This month is going to be pretty easy, since its my first month.

1. Make a detailed budget and stick to it.

2. Get back to meal planning. This is going to be a little difficult this month since my parents are coming into town for 8 days and I highly doubt we'll be eating at home very often...which just makes sticking to a budget even harder.

3. Write out a chore list for everyone in the house so it gets done. (since its hard for the boob machine to do everything in the house all the time when the boob monster wants to eat all the time and hates being in her bouncy seat/swing)

4. Spend $60 or less on Halloween goodies, including costumes.

5. Make budget for Thanksgiving and Christmas, including who we are going to buy presents for, and shipping costs.

6. Lose the last little bit of the baby weight -- or at least start out small by going on walks a couple of days a week.

7. Call about life insurance that mysteriously got cut off last month, and look into talking to JAG about a will.

8. Obtain spear and spear fishing gear for Bradford.

9. Go through Roo's toys and clothes for things she can't fit into and things she doesn't play with anymore. Donate or sell.

10. Budget for savings, car fund, doula school and cloth diapers.

Ten goals. I think that these ten goals can be easily accomplished this month.

OH! I'll add one. 11. Enjoy visiting with my parents for 8 days! I'm so excited for them to get here.

So I'll update this in November with how I did with my goals for October, and go from there. This will continue to be a monthly thing, until we get our shit together. Or at least until I feel comfortable enough about our situation. Now only will I be blogging about mommy and wifely shit, but I'll be doing this now too.

Aren't you excited?!

2 week baby check up

2010-09-28T16:11:00.002-10:00

Baby O's 2 week appointment was today (28 Sept. 2010). I can't believe my little OCHO is 2 weeks old today! She seems so much older for some reason.

So at birth she was 7lbs 15oz and 20in. At her appointment the day after we checked out of the hospital she was 7lbs 7oz and still 20in. Today, she's gained a whole pound since her first appointment after we got out of the hospital! She's weighing in at 8lbs 7oz! And she's grown half an inch and is now 20.5in! She seems like she's a ton bigger than she actually is. She's like a little beefcake. Bradford thinks differently...but whatever. She feels like a beefcake.

She's doing amazing at breastfeeding -- latching on really well and eating for a decent amount of time. Except today when she had a lazy day. But I think most of that was because she had a doctors appointment. All she wanted to do was sleep. Poor thing. I also feel overwhelmed with doctor appointments.

I need to make a phone call to see about the test results of her newborn screening...but I forgot today, so I'll probably do it tomorrow. Though I would assume that they would call if something was wrong -- the newborn screen tests for all kinds of ridiculous diseases, so if they didn't call, I would be horribly disappointed and would probably be suing someone.

Her pediatrician also wants me to schedule her for an ultrasound. Apparently, since she was breech for so long into my pregnancy (she flipped somewhere between 30 and 33 weeks or so...) she has an increased risk for hip dysplasia. But all the research I've done suggests that it happens mostly in baby girls who are born by c-section because they are breech, or are born breech vaginally. It's pretty common for babies to be breech up until the very end of pregnancy, and they don't even start to worry about it until between 35-37 weeks. I'm waiting until they get the order at the radiology department at Tripler to schedule it...and I have to wait till after she's 6 weeks old anyway, but what I'm a little irritated about is that out of everything I've read, there is generally a reason that they will send you to have an ultrasound done -- generally there is a clicking/popping feelings when the doctor moves babies legs...they never mentioned anything at the hospital. Or at her discharge appointment. Or at her 2 week appointment. It just bothers me so much that they are basing this decision on the fact that she was breech in-utero, when that's generally the norm, and there are no other factors that would lead them to believe that she needs to be checked out. It's just frustrating to me, and I don't know why....but she'll be getting an ultrasound done anyway...*sigh*

Other than that -- she's just an amazing baby. She's great at sleeping at night, and basically has a schedule already. She'll wake up on and off between like 6 and 10 at night, and she'll eat and doze, and be awake, but then somewhere between 10 and 11, she decides that she's tired for the night and she goes to sleep for 4 hours or so. Then she'll wake up to eat, then go back to sleep for another 4 hours-ish. It's so awesome. With Reilly I always felt like I was up all the time with her, and Ophelia is so easy, especially at night. She is a little diva though. She hates being naked for the most part. She hates any kind of wetness or poop in her diaper. She hates her bouncy seat...she barely tolerates her swing. She doesn't like the car too much either. She loathes binkies. I just hope that I can get her to take a bottle before my parents get here. I should probably try that sometime soon. Like I said in a previous post, I've been pumping, so I have a small supply.

I'm just going to continue crossing my fingers that she keeps being an amazing baby. With the exception that she shits A TON. Haha. Also, very excited to see Grandma and Grandpa next week, and then Nanny in about a month and a half! YAY! I've missed my parents soooo much since we moved and I can't wait to hang out with them! Of course, I'm just as excited to see my mother in law! Absolutely can't wait.

Success!

2010-09-23T15:42:00.003-10:00

I am excited. Super excited. Why? I have successfully pumped about 10oz of breast milk. I have 5 little bags in my freezer at this time that have the very best thing for my baby in them. This is exciting for me for a couple of reasons. First, it was more than I ever pumped with Reilly. With Reilly, I was so stressed that I couldn't pump, no matter what I did. Even when I was engorged, it didn't work for me. I had an amazing pump too, so it wasn't the pump. It was me. I physically unable to pump because of how stressed I was. Second, if I keep on pumping the way I am, I won't have to supplement for any reason. I feel accomplished!

This was something that I really wanted to do. Really bad. I felt like a big time failure after I stopped breast feeding after three months with Reilly. Even 4 years later, way after I would have weaned her if I had continued to breast feed, I still feel guilty after all this time. Maybe I was too young when I had Reilly to really stick to my guns, and what I knew was the best thing for her. I guess I shouldn't feel guilty...she's a happy, healthy, well rounded 4 and a half year old. I just feel like I could have done so much better with her when she was a baby. I guess I'll have to get past it eventually...forgive myself in a sense for not doing the very best for my little lady.

But on the bright side, I feel totally ready and willing to breastfeed for at least 6 months with Ophelia. That is my goal. If I go longer, then yay, but if I get to 6 months and decide to wean, then at least I made it to my goal. I don't know what's going to happen in the next 6 months, and maybe weaning will be the best choice for us, especially since I want to get into the learning and what not. We'll see...we'll see. I'm just proud of myself for being so pro-breast feeding right now. I don't even freak out about feeding her in public, especially when she's in her wrap...its so easy. And you can tell its working...today we had to switch her out of newborn size diapers, which I believe fit babies up to 8lbs, into her cloth diapers because the disposables were too tight on her. YAY! I am so excited about that too. I'm hoping she has another growth spurt soon since the diapers go halfway up her stomach.

So that's where we're at with breastfeeding. Really, its amazing this time around. I mean, I'm a walking food machine, and sure, sometimes its a little bit of a pain in the ass -- like when we're on our way home and Ophelia wants to eat RIGHT NOW, or every 30 minutes or so for hours on end, but its worth it. She's happy. I'm happy. Reilly thinks its awesome. Brad seems happy with my choice...mostly because he gets to be pervy and look whenever I'm feeding Ophelia. It just works with our household.

And that makes me happy.

I am so in love...

2010-09-20T21:22:00.006-10:00

I lay here in bed with my week old daughter on my chest and I just want to cry. I want to cry, not out of sadness or regret, but out of happiness and love. I am so in love with my new daughter, it is ridiculous. It's hard to put into words how happy I am right now. One of the things that I worried about with getting pregnant and having another baby was if I was going to be able to love another baby as much as I love my Reilly Roo. But I can. And I do. This little girl makes my heart swell, even when she cries. Even when I'm sleep deprived.

I feel a little bad. I feel like I failed as a new mom with Reilly after having Ophelia. I wasn't in a good place emotionally. I felt for a very long time that I didn't have the support from Reilly's dad that I needed. I had a full time job after Reilly was born, and watching her wasn't the only thing I was doing. I wasn't sleeping, and when I did, it wasn't good sleep. I was very frustrated when she was a baby. I have so much more support with Ophelia, and I feel like I can enjoy her as an infant. Brad has been such an amazing support with, not just Ophelia now, but with my whole pregnancy. He understood that I was tired a lot and that I had a hard time doing things. He was so supportive while I was in labor...he believed in me. He's been amazing since we've been home from the hospital, making dinner, doing chores, and just in general, helping out when I need it. He's supportive of my breastfeeding too, which I adore. He helps with Reilly and helps her feel not so alone, because lets face it, adding a new baby to a balanced household will turn it upside down!

We're all still getting adjusted, and it gets easier every day...not just for me, but for all of us. I'm more energetic because I had a non-medicated, all natural child birth. I WANT to do things, even though I try to take it easy. Reilly is getting better at understanding that Ophelia doesn't care about her toys or her games....yet...but that doesn't mean that she won't soon. Brad is adjusting to our sleep schedule. I have no doubt that this will be the easiest thing that we've done in a long time.

I am so in love right now. With my baby, my princess, and my husband. I feel so close to him right now. I look at Ophelia and I wonder how we got something so amazing. I look at Reilly and know how lucky we are to have such an amazing, smart, funny little lady. I can't imagine being anywhere else in my life right now. I remember being depressed with Reilly -- enough that I was put on anti-depressants. And while I'm emotional right now, I'm not sad. I'm not depressed. I'm happy. I am so happy.

I haven't blogged in awhile. I've been at a loss of things to say. I wanted to complain so much about my worries about giving birth at a military hospital with a doctor that I didn't know. I was frustrated about being in Hawaii and not liking it and wanting to move so badly. I wanted to complain about how all I wanted was a beer and a cigarette. I was a negative person for a little bit. I was stressed and sad and frustrated. It's not that I wasn't happy, but all those other things took place of any good feelings I could have had. I haven't been stressed at all lately. Even the last couple weeks of my pregnancy...even when I was ready for her to come into the world, I wasn't upset as much, or stressed, I was just ready for her to be here.

My life is perfect right now. Sure, I don't really want to be living in Hawaii. Sure, we have a couple bills that we might be stretching money over. We have stress in our every day life just like anyone else. But right now, none of that is as important as how much I am in love with my family right now. I don't need anything else. We could be living in a box tomorrow and I wouldn't care. (Okay, I would, but you get it.) My two girls are the lights of my life. They are the most amazing and gorgeous little ladies in my life. They are gonna cause trouble in a couple of years. :)

I have the most amazing husband who I love with a passion. I couldn't have asked for a better person to live my life with.

This is amazing.

Birth Story -- Welcome Baby Ophelia

2010-09-20T21:12:00.000-10:00

On September 13th, around 3:30pm or so, I started having contractions that were between 5 and 15 minutes apart. They weren't really uncomfortable or anything...I could talk through them and be pretty active for the most part. I had spent the majority of the afternoon cleaning, so I just figured that my cleaning spree had started the contractions. I figured that they would fizzle out after a couple hours.

Things went on normally for the next couple hours. We made dinner and ate, put Reilly to bed, I took a shower, and we got into bed. I was trying to time my contractions, but they were still erratic...lasting anywhere from 30-45 seconds and coming every 2-5 minutes or so. Around 12:15 am, I decided that we should probably start getting ready to head to Justin's house to drop Reilly off to stay the night. I didn't see any need to rush, but we couldn't really diddle around for very long since we had quite the drive. We got Reilly up and loaded into the car. My contractions by this point were still pretty erratic. I wasn't at all worried, I just wanted to make sure we got to the hospital in time.

We dropped Reilly off at Justin's house around 1am or so and promptly drove to Tripler. By the time we got to Tripler and up to Labor and Delivery, it was almost 1:30am. We had to stop multiple times on the way up to the L&D floor because I was having contractions. Thankfully there was no one in the hospital walking around since it was so early in the morning. I got there and they got me into triage so that I could get checked and see what I was at. I told the OB how far apart my contractions were and everything. She didn't really seem to think that I was in labor, but I think that was mostly just me. I got into triage, only to find out that I was dilated to 5cm. It seemed like I was doing a lot more work than apparently my body thought I was. They monitored my contractions, and like I had been feeling, they were pretty erratic. The OB (the midwives didn't arrive to L&D until 6am) said that I had a couple options...I could be admitted or I could go walk around for a little bit. I didn't think I could go for a little stroll, but I didn't want to get admitted because that would mean I would have to be put on constant fetal monitoring, which I didn't want. The nurse said I could stay there for a little bit and think it over, so I stayed in triage to think it over.

By this point I was having a really hard time coping with the pain, and told Brad that I wanted an epidural and pitocin because I just wanted to get this done and over with. I was so tired and the contractions hurt so bad that I couldn't get a handle on them. Everything that I could try to use for coping wasn't working. I was getting really frustrated with myself and the pain and all I wanted to do was stop it. Right around the time I made this decision, my water broke (officially at 2:40am). The nurse came back in to verify that my water had broken and that there was no meconium in there. The OB came back in to check and see how far I was dilated. No meconium in my water (yay!) and in the hour or so since I had initially been checked, I went from 5 cm to 8 cm. I told the OB that I had decided that I wanted to get pain meds. She brought in paper work for me to sign. I kept having contractions that seemed to be getting closer together by the second. They brought me a wheelchair to get me to a delivery room, but the contractions got so bad and suddenly, I felt this really intense urge to push. And let me tell ya, it feels EXACTLY like you have to take the biggest crap you've ever had to take in your entire life. True story. I told the nurse that I felt like I had to push. She quickly checked me and after that it was such a blur. I was still in triage, and there were people rushing in left and right with birthing utensils . I didn't have the chance to get an IV (I didn't want one per my birth plan) and they barely had a chance to get the fetal monitor on my stomach. I started pushing with my instincts for the most part. They coached for a few of them but for the most part, I pushed all by myself. When she started crowning, they notice that she had meconium in her hair, so I had to give super big pushes at the end so they could get her out fast.

Ophelia Caedyn Harlowe Oberklaus was born at 2:54am on September 14, 2010. They put her directly on my chest, and cleaned her up from there. I had two small labial tears, neither required stitches. After they cleaned all of us up, they moved us all from triage to an actual labor and delivery room so they could take her vitals and I could get cleaned up more before they transferred me to the mother/baby ward. She weighed 7lbs 15.8oz and was 20" long, with a head full of red hair and blue eyes.

Aside from the normal pain that comes along with childbirth, I feel fantastic! I felt so much better this time than after having an epidural with Reilly. And as much pain as I was in, I'm really glad it happened fast enough that I didn't really have a choice in what happened. Ophelia has a little bit of bruising under her eyes and some little spots on her forehead from coming out so fast.

The whole thing was absolutely amazing. Brad was an amazing support person. He was behind me 100%, even when I felt like giving up, he had total faith in me. What surprised us the most was how fast she was born! I got talked to by many doctors and nurses about giving birth really fast, and in triage...AND NATURALLY....none of which happens very often! I was literally the talk of labor and delivery. :D

We're both doing amazing. She's doing really well at breastfeeding...and she hates sneezing. She's such an amazing little thing. I'm so glad I have two little ladies to call my own. <3<3

unfortunate events...

2010-07-14T08:09:00.000-10:00

So the day after we got to Hawaii (July 4th), we got some unfortunate news…that a good friend of ours died while deployed to Afghanistan. He was pretty much the first person who worked with Brad that I felt at least somewhat of a connection with…who made me feel at least liked a little bit. He was always down to go hang out. He was the first person I gave a hug to the day Brad came home from Iraq. He was a great guy.
I’ve been lucky so far…I haven’t personally known anyone who’s died while they were deployed….Brad’s known a couple guys that have died while being overseas, but they’ve only been people he’s known of…not friends of ours. I honestly knew it would only be a matter of time before someone we personally knew…who we were pretty decent friends with…but I didn’t think that it would be Aj…and honestly, I didn’t expect it, especially on the year anniversary of another friend of mine passing away from breast cancer. The funny thing is about that whole thing was that I got piss drunk at Aj’s house LAST 4th of July to deal with Lisa passing away…and a year later…we find out that he’s gone. Apparently the 4th of July is not the best day of the year for me.
I’m also really upset that we can’t (or couldn’t…?) make it back for the memorial service in Washington, but since we just got here, and we really don’t have the funds to fly back…not to mention a plane is the absolute last place I want to be right now. It’s so unfortunate. So I think the best thing I can do is just remember Aj for the person that he was, and remember that he died fighting for what he believed in, and wanted to do. I honestly can’t imagine him doing anything else either. That doesn’t make the fact that he’s gone any easier…in fact, every time I see something, or hear something, or read something about it, I still can’t believe it. Nothing can ever make death easier – I’m still sad 6 years later over the death of my grandfather, and I do get teary over it every once in awhile. And nothing can prepare you for death…even knowing about it before it actually happens, which is the reason why I’m so upset about this. Of course I’ve thought about death – my husband was deployed in Iraq. My brother-in-law has been deployed twice since Brad and I have been married. Two of my uncles. Numerous friends. Death is often in the front of your mind when a loved one is deployed, even when you try to push it out of your mind. It’s just one of those things that you didn’t think would happen to you or someone you know. And me being the kind of person that I am, I immediately went onto my brother-in-laws facebook profile and everyone else I had on my friends list that was deployed and double checked when the last time they posted something, or responded to someone was to make sure I wasn’t missing out on anything. Overly worrying never did get me very far, except for more worrying…
As unfortunate, and sad as death is, it is a part of life…it happens every day, to hundreds of people…thousands…? If I wasn’t pregnant, I would have raised a Corona to Aj on the 4th of July (I actually had a little bitty sip) and toasted to my friend.
So to Aj – thank you so much for your service, and your sacrifice. You were a great person, and a great friend. I hope to see you again someday. May you rest in peace. You’ll be remembered always.

A new adventure.

2010-06-29T15:21:00.000-10:00

We are close to 5 hours away from boarding our plane to Hawaii. Never living outside of Washington is going to mess me up for a little bit, but I have faith in myself that I'll be able to deal with it. That might mean crying on hubby's shoulder a night or two, but over all, I think I'll be able to handle it.

I've said all my goodbyes...well, almost all of them...and I've got my bags packed (barely!)...and I'm ready to go.

We'll get there around 9pm and promptly go to the hotel so I can crash the fuck out. Granted, it'll only be 9pm in Hawaii, but my body will be in a different time zone...

So to my dearest Washingtonian friends and family, I love you all, and I will miss you terribly. But I'll have a nice tan the next time you see me!!

See you in Hawaii blog!

two weeks

2010-06-18T19:38:00.000-10:00

TWO WEEKS!! It is two weeks until we get to Hawaii. There is such a serious mix of emotions going on with me right now. And for different reasons too. I'm excited and nervous and stressed out all at the same time. I have taken care of everything I can from Washington State. I've done as much prep work as I possibly can. All that's really left when we get there is getting a place to live, and waiting for all our crap to get there. Though some of it is going to beat us there by a couple days. I also lined up our rental car for the 9 days we'll be without a vehicle...which, to be honest, is a little irritating...I'm pretty pissed at myself that I didn't push to have our car shipped earlier than we did. But there's nothing I can do about it now, just deal. The only other thing I'm worried about right now is money. I'm worried that the move into the house will completely break us financially. I know it'll all work out in the end, because it always does, but it's just one of those things that I worry about. But we have been able to find at least a couple places that we're interesting in at least going to look at. Hopefully we can find something almost as soon as we get there. And not have it break the bank. haha.

We're planning our going away party for June 27th -- should be a good time. Trish (my sister in law) and my mom have been a big help and it'll be great to see everyone, including my cousin, who I haven't seen in years! Probably since right after I got married! She's one of the only female cousin I have who is close to my age, so of course I relate to her super easy -- plus, we both have kids. I just wish that my in-laws could be here to visit with us. :( It's so hard living so far away from everyone sometimes! I dislike the fact that the baby won't get to be born around any of her grandparents -- though almost all of them will be coming to visit shortly after she is born...but it makes me sad. Maybe I'm just mostly sad for myself since I won't have a support system there for me like I did with Reilly. I'm confident in Brad being there for me when I'm in labor, but I did quite enjoy my mom and other family members being around shortly after I had her. It was really comforting.

Speaking of baby -- I'm just two days into the start of my third trimester! Three more long months to go. Sometimes I question, what is better? Being pregnant, or having a new born? I dislike both things for certain reasons, yet, why do women decide that they want to go through them? I suppose all I really have to do is look at Reilly and remember. Even though all the crappy moments of her being a baby, and all the crap of hers that I've dealt with over the years...and having her around makes all the shit worth it. But that still doesn't mean that pregnancy, or having a new born, are entirely awesome. With baby girl #2, I had worse morning sickness, I got way big WAY fast, and now, I get cramps on my sides when I try to go to sleep, and as of today, she's up in my ribs. I sometimes get the feeling that I am seriously getting too damn old for this! But -- other than MY complaints, she's doing just fine. :) We still don't have a name picked out for her, and I don't see that changing any time in the near future...but we do have about 80% of the baby gear we need (I still need to get more clothes and at least a baby bath) -- I've been buying diapers whenever I get a chance, which is great. I'm so excited to cloth diaper her little tush. I just hope that when she's born, she's big enough to be put in cloth diapers right away instead of having to use disposables for awhile. She's movin around in there -- still breech as of 7 June...hopefully that changes soon. I'm not worried about it, as my doctor isn't going to be concerned until I'm like...I dunno, 35 weeks or something along those lines? So I'm erring on the side of caution with that...and the placenta thing...*sigh* I'm still worrying about a lot of stuff. It's a mix worry for myself and the baby, and a worry about how the birth is going to go. It's always in the back of my mind. I have this perfect image of how I want it to go and sometimes I let everything get the better of my thinking...but I'm trying really hard to think positively about the birth experience and I'm crossing my fingers it turns out for the best.

I posted an article from mothering just the other day about kids being there when their siblings are born and the effects of it, including a tighter bond between the two siblings. I've been contemplating having Reilly around...but I don't think the military community would be too keen on having a child in their labor/delivery rooms. I know Reilly could handle it though. How this birth goes is probably going to decide if we keep the kind of insurance with the Army that we have right now. I might need a little more freedom the next time around. BUT we will cross that road when we get there I suppose.

I'll try to update again before we move -- I know the week before we leave is going to be busy. The weekend before we are having our going away party. I'll try to make time. Until then...

<3

the end is near...

2010-06-04T12:37:00.000-10:00

Well, we've kicked off our final month in Washington. I honestly never thought I'd see the day I'd ACTUALLY be leaving here. It's a little bitter sweet to tell you the truth. I've gotten so accustomed to having my parents, siblings and best friend only minutes away that I seriously don't know what I'm going to do with myself other wise. As long as I can remember, I have been telling my parents that I want to get outta Washington. I want to move somewhere where its warm and sunny (like California) or ridiculously exciting (like New York, or a foreign country), but after having Reilly, the likelihood of me actually leaving the state with her in tow was pretty much doubtful. But now that we will be basically forced to move every 3 years or so, I have the chance to live in different places! And the stability to be able to do it. Right now my main concern is Reilly getting adjusted to the new surroundings, and the fact that everyone she knows won't be right down the street. But there are some good things for her to look forward too, like the fact that she'll be starting school in Hawaii (preschool just a couple months after we get there) and she'll get to see the beaches and the turtles and all kinds of cool stuff that most kids won't see in their young lives. Of course it'll be an adjustment, and I imagine more than one night of her crying saying she misses her neighborhood in Washington and wants to go back to her house, but I think that after we get her room put back together, and get into the swing of things, all will be better. We're all excited about it....just Reilly and I will have to make the adjustments. And my parents/family/friends. Brad's done it before, so its really nothing new to him. Jerk. HA!

So I'm 26 weeks officially today. Time seems to be completely flying by right now. Of course, that always happens in the second trimester...time just flies by and you look around and say "wtf just happened?!" I have 98 days left (as of today) and a week until I'm in my third trimester. It just seems like I have so little time left before I have this little girl, and I'm not sure what at all I should do. I still have quite a few things I need to get, and right now, it looks like I'm just going to be buying as I go while we're still in Washington, and hope that we can get a house and settled and my parents will be alright with shipping things to me. Or just wait and see what I can get over there. I seriously have one box of baby things -- clothes, diapers, etc....and I don't feel like that's enough. I'm trying to rack my brain for how much shit I had when Reilly was born, but I don't at all remember. Luckily, the weekend before we had all our things packed up, we went out and were able to get a bouncy seat, swing, and pack n play to use as a bassinet. So that I'm pretty relieved about. It's just that the next month and a half or so are going to be pretty hectic and stress-filled for me, and when that happens, I just keep stressing and stressing and stressing and eventually I'll probably break down and cry. I'll stress about things that I seriously DON'T need to stress out about and the mental breakdown just continues from there. It's always the worst when I'm pregnant, but I'm like this anyway. It's ridiculously irritating.....back on topic. I had my follow up ultrasound on Monday to double check and see if my placenta had moved since it was low lying the last time -- it has by the way. They don't see any problems in the future, thank goodness! I was seriously worried that I would be forced to have a c-section that I didn't want, just because my placenta decided to be a bastard. I even got taken off of pelvic rest -- woohoo! Reilly got to see her little sister this time too! She was so super excited. She's getting more and more on board with this baby thing every day, which I am totally thankful for. In the mornings we get to wake up later, she'll rub my tummy and feel where the baby is at -- she hasn't felt her kick yet, but that takes time. She's still pretty hard to get to kick on command. But Reilly is loving being a big sister so far. She kisses my stomach and sings to the baby. She loves every minute of it.

So I guess that's all that's been going on. Or at least, that's all I feel like writing about right now. The last two weeks have been hectic, and while the next week will be relatively calm, I know there is more coming up. Thankfully I have my massage appointment a week from tomorrow, so I'm going to take some time and relax by myself and get massaged. Then I have a hair appointment on Saturday! I'm so excited! Also...hello at least 9 days of nice weather! This weekend its supposed to be almost 80 one day! I love when Washington summer finally decides to come around.

I'll try to update a little more. We'll see how that goes. I have been completely lacking in things to write about lately, and I don't feel like I have the time or the energy to keep up with this. But I will damnit. I DO however need to post pictures from our moving. Granted...our house was still messy, but it was a little hard to see our house all empty. :( I miss it already. I especially miss having cable in our bedroom and Reilly having her own room. Though she LOVES her cubby hole (which, I still have to take pictures of THAT too. See, I'm behind)

I'll update later.

it's bee a long time...

2010-05-18T07:26:00.000-10:00

I haven't blogged in weeks. I feel like I can't just take the time to sit down and actually WRITE anything. I could write short little things, but for the most part, I've been too fucking busy! But now I'll take the time to write something. Aren't you lucky?

So we'll start out with the obvious. The pregnancy. As of today I'm 24w3d...but I feel much farther along. I'm not sure if that's because I realized that there is only about 3 more months left in this pregnancy. Three more months? Are you kidding? I don't feel like I have ANYTHING done yet. I don't have nearly enough little baby clothes....yesterday, Bradford and I went out and bought the last big things for baby girl (a swing, bouncer and playard) that are going to be shipped with our household goods. I'm not AS worried about clothes, or diapers, or anything small and light because we can either try to shove that into our suitcases, or we can have mom and dad hang on to it until we get a house and we'll have them mail it to us. The big things were what I was worried about. Anyway...so the pregnancy has been going good...baby girl is moving like crazy and keeping me up at night now. Bradford gets to feel her more and more (when he's actually trying) Reilly is still excited to have another girl -- though, we're still trying to talk her out of the name Princess Baby. *sigh* I've been trying to reason with her that if she names the baby Princess, SHE won't get to be a princess anymore. Unfortunately, she keeps saying that they can both be a princess. Whatever Reilly. We STILL don't have a name for the baby picked out...there are a couple that we have that we're thinking about, but nothing set in stone at all. But I have no doubt that we'll have a name picked out by the time she comes.

Only a few people know about this, but I had to go to Labor & Delivery last week. I had some bleeding and cramping and my doctors wanted me to go just to make sure everything was okay. So I called Brad and I went and picked him up at work so he could go in with me to L&D. The only reason, I believe, that they had me go in, was because at my first ultrasound, I had a low lying placenta, which, if it doesn't correct itself, could end up covering my cervix -- which would mean a c-section for me. So they had me go in and lay down in L&D...monitored me to make sure I wasn't having contractions (I wasn't), they listened to the babies heartbeat, then they did an ultrasound to make sure everything was the way it was supposed to be. From the looks of the ultrasound and what the OB said, everything seemed fine. I just needed to take it easy for the rest of the day. He also put me on pelvic rest until my next scheduled ultrasound so they can double check to make sure that the placenta has moved. Apparently, he couldn't really tell...he said "it looks like the placenta has moved....I mean, I don't see it by the cervix..." -- he seemed like he didn't know what he was doing to me....butttttt whatever. He gave me a green bill of health, just pelvic rest until 7 June.

We move to Hawaii in about a month. 3 July is our OFFICIAL departure date. We have movers coming this week to pack up all our stuff...which is why we've been trying to get everything taken care of before hand...we have to get everything in the room we want it in, and we're working really hard on getting everything together that we DON'T want, so we don't take it to Hawaii when we don't need it. In the last couple days, I've compiled 3 bags of clothes that Reilly doesn't fit into anymore. wtf. I didn't realize we still HAD that many clothes still that she didn't fit into! Holy crap. Now, if I was smart....or cheap....I'd be saving all that stuff for baby girl. But seriously? Who wants to keep cloths around for at least 3 years? Not this lady. Anyway...we're all pretty excited. Today and tomorrow are packing days.....kinda sorta. I gotta get together all the stuff that isn't ours, (Jake & Trish!!) and I gotta get a couple things back from Brooke (cookbooks!) and I gotta start packing out bags for mom and dad's house...including getting Reilly's DS & iPod together with chargers, and getting our laptops separated. I also have to set things aside for Friday, which is when we have our unaccompanied baggage packed up, and I gotta figure out A- what we want to ship and B- how to get it all together easily.

So that's the next couple days. Just going through stuff. Blah.

I PROMISE I'll take the time to blog more...not that anyone reads this. But whatever.

Mother's Day

2010-05-10T07:38:00.000-10:00

I know I'm a day late, but Happy Mothers Day to all the mommies!! For my Mothers Day post, I actually wanted to post my birth story from Reilly. It was written over 4 years ago, about a day and a half after I got out of the hospital...

Just wanted to remind myself that it's all worth it...

Hope you enjoy. (btw, this is direct cut and paste so apologies for anything that's off in the post. lol)

Late Tuesday night I started having contractions [around 12-1am] that weren't that bad...they just felt like I was starting my period. I was able to sleep through them. Around 4am I woke up to go pee and I noticed that they were a little stronger, but again I was able to sleep through them. Brett had to get up at 6am because him and Brooke had to go get Brett had to get up at 6am because him and Brooke had to go get his mom's truck for the day and I was the one with the alarm clock, who would actually wake up to it. So I got up at 6, with the plan being that Brooke was going to go get the truck, come home, get Xander and take him to the dentist and then school and I would sleep in with KK. Well, around 7am, after everyone had left, my contractions started getting really bad. I was still able to talk and walk [I was trying to call my mom and I ended up talking to my brother] through my contractions. When they were getting so bad that I was trying not to cry through them, I told Brooke that she needed to figure out something to do with this kids because I wanted to go to the hospital...this was around 9am. I was going on 2 hours of contractions by myself. I wasn't have a very good time coping with them. I couldn't breath right, nothing I could do was calming me down, and I was panicing, mostly because I was by myself. Brooke called Brett and told him to come home from work. Brooke came home to me sitting on to me sitting on the couch trying not to cry. She got KK ready [Xander got dropped off at school and was going with a friend after] and packed me a bag for the hospital while Brett was on his way home. About 15 minutes after Brett got home, we headed to the hospital.

I got there at around 10am and was immediately admitted in. By this point I had very much decided that I wanted an epidural and told them upon admission so that they would have it ready for me once I was examined. I got taken back to the exam room where they checked my blood pressure, and babies heart beat and my contractions. My mom met us there. I peed in a cup and got dressed into my gown [they are so hot by the way] and was on the table. The nurse checked me and I was at 6 cms. Holy hell. I didn't plan on staying home THAT long, but I obviously had no way of checking to see how far along I was, and I was in such pain I couldn't time my contractions, so I had absolutely no clue how far along I could possibly be. They got a room ready for me and I headed down there, having contractions the whole way. I don't really remember much of what happened between the time I was admitted and the time that my epidural started working because I was in such pain. They got me in the room, got an IV started and everything. They got Sharon, my midwife in the hospital. They got the epidural guy [I don't know how to spell it] and everything went by pretty quick. The epidural hurt, and it was hard to stay still through my contractions, but god damnit it was worth it! I would have had a horrible birthing experience if I hadn't gotten that epidural. I got that around 10:45pm. Between 11am and 12pm I was checked every ten minutes it seemed like. Blood pressure and temp. My dad and brother had shown up by this point, as had our friend Jessi. At 12:30, my midwife came and checked me to see how dilated I was and I was at 9.5cm. 3.5cm's in a little over 2 hours. The nurse said that like that it would be likely that I'd start pushing within the hour or so. At 1:40 or so, my midwife came back, checked, and I was at 10cm and it was time to push.

The pushing was by far the worst. Not because I was in pain, because I wasn't, but because I pushed for almost 3 hours. I started on my back [not flat] and pushed that way for about an hour and a half. They then flipped me to my side, which seemed to take hours to do. Then my midwife started suggesting that we use a vacuum and that was NOT something I was AT ALL interested in. But I protested a bit, and she understood, and we tried squatting with the bar, and then back on my back. About half way into my third hour of pushing, my midwife said that I would have to have an episiotomy. I was NOT about that. I tried protesting it, and she said we could try about 4 more contractions and if there wasn't progress, we'd have to or else we have to do something more...so I said okay. I ended up having an episiotomy, but from what she said afterward, I needed it. And knowing that she doesn't do them unless they are absolutely necessary made me feel a lot better. After that, a couple more contractions and my baby was born into the world! They layed her on my tummy, and since I had been pushing for so long they cut the cord immediately [:(] and put an O2 mask on her to make sure she was breathing okay...which she was. We came home on Thursday after spending a day and a half in the hospital with all the awesome nurses! We're breastfeeding and she is an awesome eatter! She latches on so well and just goes and goes! She's been liking to stay up and night and since Wednesday I've been running off of about 10-12 hours of sleep! But I never realized that you could love something so tiny so much. I'm trying not to cry right now I'm just so happy to finally have her here. I don't want to let her go and putting her in her swing or bassinet is just yucky for me. I love it when she sleeps right next to me, especially on my chest. *sigh* This is what heaven is. :)

Reilly Eryn, born March 29, 2006 @ 4:39pm. 7lbs 1oz, 20in

Happy Mothers Day!!! :D

Ohhhh yippie!!

2010-04-26T17:14:00.000-10:00

Update Time!!

So today was our 20 week ultrasound. Hip hip HOORAY! I have been super anxious for today to arrive when I made the appointment 7 weeks ago! Last night and this morning there were a couple things that were worrying me. One included twins, which has been on my mind since ultrasound #1 back 11 weeks ago. And two included any genetic problems that they can catch on an ultrasound (for example, Down Syndrome). Well, thankfully, neither one of those were the case today and I had absolutely nothing to worry about as normal...but I guess its a mom thing. Or parent thing....but more so a mom thing? I don't know. Whatever. So nothing was wrong with the baby. Baby was measuring right on target at 19w4d, which is good! I was also thinking that maybe I could have gained so much weight from the baby being farther along that previously thought. Not the case, but I'm not upset that I'm a little bigger in the belly area. Annnnyyywayyy. Everything in baby land is happy and healthy and fantastic. OH! And very very GIRLIE!! Yes, yes, we decided...well...I decided mostly, but Bradley didn't fight me on it...to find out the sex, and I'm pretty happy that we did. I'm not one for surprises, and I really need to get some shopping done (when we have the available fundage) for this baby. So far she's just going to be wearing white onsies....which, might be fine for where we're moving...but seriously? No. I think not. We are all pretty darn excited. I know Bradley was hoping for a boy, but he seems to be pretty happy about it. He's still giving me a little bit of a hard time about "making a girl"....which....yea right. But he, in general, seems happy about it. Ultrasound time is one of my favorite times in the pregnancy. It makes me so happy to see the baby in her happy little cave in my uterus. She was super relaxed today too...just loungin around...probably napping. She seemed pretty pissed that the ultrasound tech was poking at her with that wand. But she at least got to see the girlie parts, and get all the information she needed. Which is always a good thing. We got to see her little heart beating away (146bpm) and her little mouth opening and closing like she was a fish -- at least that's what it looked like to me! It was super cute. She was covering her face and putting her feet up and keeping her legs crossed and just had the "back the fuck up" attitude. Also, according to the ultrasound tech, I have a low lying placenta...which, at this stage of the game, doesn't seem like such a big deal. It could be, but right now, the placenta will probably just move out of the way. I'm going to have another ultrasound in about a month and a half to double check. So that'll be good times I guess. I'm pretty stoked about the fact that I'm having another girl...a lot of it has to do with the fact that almost everyone was 100% convinced that the baby was going to be a boy, and now I'm having a girl. Haha! She pulled a fast one on everyone. So that's whats been up! Baby is fantastic. Mommy and Daddy are happy. Reilly is awesome (and happy that she's not getting a boy!). I am completely giddy today. Finding out the sex of the baby and making sure everything is healthy is such a relief!! I also have to add in the final picture, because Bradley will seriously flip his shit if I don't. It's one of the alien lookin ultrasound pictures (one of the frontals) and he photoshopped it a little bit....I think its hilarious and a little sad for a baby girl. Haha. It's "The Terminator" picture. Yea....yea...my husband is a keeper. Haha. So that's that. Also, now is the fun part of making the name list! Woohoo..........I have a feeling that Bradley and I are going to be butting heads on this thing so what we're both gonna have to do is make some lists separately and then go from there.

I'll do another update soon...just wanted to do the big long post about the ultrasound because I really had a good time then. I wish Reilly could have gone with use -- my mom was sick today, so she ended up going to Auntie Brooke's house -- but other than that, I'm pretty happy with today. Reilly even gets to have her own little ultrasound picture when we get a frame for her and she's so happy she gets it. But another update soon!!

<3

Mommy + Wife = Awesome

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“No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God.” -- George H.W. Bush

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Mother's Day

Ohhhh yippie!!

24 Weeks Already....sigh